Creeps in like a spider
by secretsnothidden
Summary: Roxy, an Ohio native, moves to California and gets wrapped up in her old time friend, Spencer's drama.
1. Can't be killed

So what happened after the prom? Well, Clay died… tragic. Chelsea decided to have the baby… in New York with her family. Aiden and Kyla are no more. Glen graduated and still lives at home with the Carlins' but he maintains a job at a sporting goods store, yay! Paula has become a bit more rational about her daughter; just a bit. Ashley and Kyla got their 25 million-dollar inheritance earlier than expected. This year is everyone's senior year.

Ashley and Spencer… are no more.

Paula took it upon herself to tell her Ohio neighbors that there was a house for sell next door. So, Paula's favorite housewife from Ohio has moved in next door with her family.

The family consists of two, twin girls and two boys. The two girls, Rachel and Roxy, are 18 and the boys: Hunter, 17, and the other, Jeremy, 16 are attending Kind High school. How will their year go with more Ohio natives?

* * *

I really do not want to go to school. I should just get my stupid GED and be done with everything. Especially my psycho mom but no I promised I'd stay with my siblings. I don't feel like getting up, argh.

I look at the clock, it is exactly 6:00, why do we have to wake up so freaking early if school starts at 8:00 am? Whatever. I stand up with my eyes closed and stretch my arms over my head. I open my eyes and stop stretching then, I walk over to my sister's bed, she's not even there. That little skank didn't even wake me up, what's up with that? I'm her ride to school.

I walk into the bathroom where, Hunter is brushing his pearly whites, "Morning." he says through a toothpaste filled mouth.

"Yeah." I mumble to him while picking up my toothbrush.

He rinses his mouth with water than grabs his blue rag and wipes his face, "You know, we've been going to this school for like a little bit more than a month."

I put toothpaste on my toothbrush then look at Hunter, "What's your point?"

Hunter tosses his rag on the towel rack, "You should be used to this by now."

I look at him and narrow my eyes, "And you know what?"

Hunter smiles, "What?"

I stick my tongue out at him, "That."

He laughs, "You're so mature, Rox." Hunter says walking out of the bathroom.

I nod my head then start to brush my teeth. I sing the birthday song in my head because that's pretty much the only way I remember to brush my teeth for… two minutes? I don't know. I finish brushing my teeth and washing my face then I go into my room and see my sister looking in my closet, "I don't think that's your closet."

Rachel looks at me, "I know it's not my closet. I just wanna borrow that blue shirt you have."

I look up at the ceiling then back at Rachel, "I have more than one."

"The one with the stars and stuff." she says still touching all my clothes.

I walk over to my dresser and pull out my underclothes, "And why should I let you borrow my shirt?"

She walks over to me and smiles, "Because I'll love you forever."

I roll my eyes, "Wow, you love me that much. I mean you love me for eternity because I give you rides to school and now you're gonna love me forever if I let you wear my shirt."

She nods and smiles, "Well, you got all my loving."

I walk over to my closet and pull out the blue shirt she was looking for, which was right in her face, "This shirt, right?"

She hops over to me, we're so not related, "I love you!" she hugs me.

I pry her off, "That's called incest." She walks out of the room, to the bathroom, I assume. I walk over to my dresser. I take off my pajamas and put on my underclothes then I walk over to my closet. And I definitely need to clean it out, my mom keeps telling me that it looks like I live in a barn. But isn't that usually what's in Ohio? Yee-haw.

My brother walks in then throws his arms over his eyes, "Oh, ew, ew. I'm totally scarred for life now."

"You're suppose to knock, ass." I say rolling my eyes and grabbing a jean mini skirt out of the closet.

He takes his hands down, "Keep the door closed."

I slide on the skirt then turn my body to him, "Was there something you wanted?" I raise my right eyebrow.

He snaps his finger, "Oh, yeah I wanted to borrow some gas money."

I roll my eyes then walk over to my dresser and I almost trip over the bed but I walk it off. I open my top left drawer and take out ten bucks then I walk to Hunter and hand him the ten bucks, "Here." I smile.

He snatches the money, "Put them away. I don't wanna see them." he walks away.

I smirk, "You love me!" I sounded so much like Rachel… I scare myself.

Before I even have a chance to turn around Glen comes in my room, "Well, hello there."

I place my arms over my chest, "No one in this place knocks anymore!" I scream.

Glen smirks, "If I knocked would you let me in?"

Either that was suppose to be dirty or he's a saint… he's just being dirty, "No, get out."

Glen frowns, "Fine, but you know you want me."

"Blah, blah, blah, Glen. You aren't moving fast enough." I say. He winks at me then walks out of my room. I make sure to close my door this time because apparently no one has any man--knock. Interrupted by knocking… how ironic. "Who the hell is it now?" I scream to the person on the other side of my door.

"Can I come in?" a voice says from on the other side of the door.

"Hold on." I don't know who that is, I better put on a shirt. I walk over to my closet and put on a black shirt. I look down at the graphic. Oh, this is the 'Famous' shirt, I love it. Someone knocks again, "Coming!" I run over to my door and open it.

"Hey."

I smile, "Hey." It's Spencer. She looks really good today in her tight pair of blue jeans. Oh, and what a nice choice in a tank top: gray with pink stripes. She looks good in anything really. Back in Ohio we borrowed each other's clothes. Well, here let me rephrase that, she borrowed my clothes when she wanted to impress some jockstrap and I borrowed her clothes when the parentals took us out to dinner. Basically, she was good and I was bad but maybe that's all changed… nah. I'm worse and she's better.

Before she moved I meant to tell her that I was in the business of liking the girlies but, Ms. Carlin is psycho and I was totally afraid that it rubbed off on Spencer. Like, I was afraid she was either gonna hate my guts or stay at least ten feet away from me at all times. So, when that little broad--uh--I forget her name, well she's not too important anyways. Oh, Debbie! Well, when she came back she decided to be the town gossiper and tell everyone Spencer's business. I always hated her, I don't know why Spencer even hung out with her. But I guess a part of me is glad that I know about Spencer because maybe I've always had a little crush on--

She waves her arm slowly because I guess I'm staring, "Anybody home?"

I look in her eyes, "Is there ever really anyone home?"

She laughs, "Nope."

I smile, "So I'm taking you to school today?"

She nods, "Yeah, I think you are."

I wrinkle my forehead, "I don't think I want to."

She hits me lightly on the arm, "Yea, you do."

I smile and rub my arm, "Fine, jerk." I walk into my room and get together all my school stuff. Spencer tosses her bag on the floor then lays down on my bed, on her stomach. "So how are things with you and Ashley?"

She blows air out of her mouth, "Things? There is nothing between me and Ashley, we're friends."

I sit in front of my mirror and start to put on my make-up, "You really need to tell her that. She gives me a fucking death glare every time I'm walking in the hall with you."

Spencer smiles, "She does not."

I look at her through the mirror, "Oh yes she does." I turn around to look at her, "She told me to stay away from you, too." I go back to doing my make-up in the mirror.

Spencer props herself up on her elbows, "When did she say that?"

"Um, like two week ago." I say remembering that lovely moment, there should have been some violin in the background.

"What did she say?" Spencer sounds a little pissed off. Is she pissed at Ashley or me for not telling her?

"Are you mad?" I ask applying eyeliner.

Spencer shakes her head, "No. well, yeah at Ashley."

"Why?"

--------

"**Stay away from Spencer." Ashley said narrowing her eyes at me while I grabbed, or tried to grab, the heavy ass chemistry book out of my locker.**

**I smile and chuckle, "Why, because you told me to?" I say still fighting with the stupid book.**

"**Yeah, if you know what's good for you." I think she says trying to threaten me.**

**I get a little bit annoyed and angry, between Ashley and this book I feel like this isn't gonna end well. I finally pull the book out then look right at Ashley, "I don't think you're a doctor so with all respect, you can't tell me what's good for me. And plus I'm pretty damn hard headed." I smirk and think that was extremely clever.**

**She pushes my locker closed, which nearly clocks me in the head, with her right hand, "Well, we'll see how hard headed you are."**

**I clench my teeth together, "I guess so, huh, Ms. Davies?"**

"**I guess so, Rowe." She takes her hand away from the locker and begins to walk away from me. She stops before getting too far then turns around and gives me the finger.**

"**Real mature, Ashley." I say with a smile.**

**---------**

"She has no right to tell you to stay away from me. That's none of her business."

"That's what I was thinking but I didn't want to kick her ass." I smile.

Spencer stills rants on, "I mean we weren't going out, it's just so…"

I walk over to Spencer and kneel in front of her, "Hey. It's fine, I don't take commands anyway."

She stops and smiles, "I know. It's just--she can't mess with my life."

I nod, "Yeah, she shouldn't but, I understand her."

Spencer looks confused, "You never agree with Ashley or even claim to understand her."

I walk over to my mirror but still look at Spencer, "Well, I would never tell anyone that I do understand her… sometimes."

"Well, why do you understand her this time?"

I smile then turn around to the mirror, "I understand her loving you," she smiles and blushes, "It's so hard to love you."

----------A/N------------

I already have, at least, 70 pages of the story typed… still not finished. Lol.

Tell me if you enjoy so I can post more… only if you like. I know there's not much Spashley action but when I get tired of typing one story I like to type another one and so here we are.

Lol, well until next time xoxo


	2. Although I try

She throws a pillow at the back of my head, "It's not easy loving you!"

I throw the pillow back at her; she catches it, "I know but you find a way."

Spencer narrows her eyes at me, "I hate you."

I check out my eyeliner then walk over to Spencer, "All I hear is you love me." she smiles and stands up, "I love your eyeliner, you look good."

I smile, "Thanks, but I look hot."

She rolls her eyes, "I look better."

I smile and roll my eyes back at her, "What time is it?"

She looks at her wrist watch, "It's 7:13."

I sigh and throw my head back, "Why do the hours go by so slowly here?"

"They move slower here than in Ohio?" Spencer says leaning to the right, placing all the pressure on her right foot.

I think about it for a second, "That's true." She smiles at me then I walk over to my dresser to get some money. "You wanna go to Starbucks?" I ask as I open the top left drawer to take forty dollars from my secret stash.

I hear her rustling around with something behind me, "Ooh, you paying?"

I grab the money out of the drawer then close it. I turn around to see Spencer trying on my skull belt and I smile, "You're so hardcore, Spence. Wanna go see Evergreen Terrace and mosh with all the sweaty guys?"

She narrows her eyes at me playfully, "Only if you come to a Hannah Montana concert with me."

She has got to be kidding, "Maybe if I was twelve. Rewind time and then we'll talk."

She laughs and starts to unbuckle the belt, "Fine."

I shove the money into my back pocket then walk over to her and grab her right hand, "What are you doing?"

She looks up at me like she just got her hand caught in the cookie jar, "I'm taking it off."

I shoo her hands away then buckle it back, "No. you should wear that today."

"Why? I probably look like a poser."

I roll my eyes and step two feet back and look her up and down, "Nope, you look like the same old dorky Spencer Carlin I've known all these years." I smile.

She makes an appalled noise then looks me up and down, "And you still look like the bad-ass I use to get in trouble over."

I smile big and kick my right leg up behind me, "That's me."

She shakes her head then smiles, "Sure is. God help us."

I put my leg down and give serious face, "Who?" Yeah, I don't really believe in the "big guy" upstairs. He's never helped me with much… well, I don't think. I mean, I know that I could have it way worse but I don't and I'm grateful but I don't think I should be thanking some "guy" that I've never seen before. If he's really up there then he would've struck me with lightning by now because of all the crazy shit I've done… and plan on doing.

She walks over to me, smiling, "So as I was saying, if we go to Starbucks are you paying?"

I scrunch up my face and look at the ceiling then back at Spencer, "Yeah, I'm paying for me."

"Jerk!" she flicks my nose.

I place my right hand over my nose, "Ugh, I hate that."

"I know." Spencer smiles then picks up her bag, "So are you ready?"

I rub my nose then walk over to my book bag, "Yeah, I guess so." I lift my book bag up and place it over my shoulders. I walk to my door with Spencer following behind me then I stop and turn around.

"What?" she says almost running into me which would've caused me to tumble down the stairs. Considering that there are so many stairs and time runs slow, I's probably be rolling down them for a good hour and thirty.

"Rachel needs a ride, let me go see if she's ready because if not then she can ride with Hunter and Jeremy." I say walking to toward the bathroom.

"Okay." Spencer says waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

I walk into the bathroom and see Rachel putting on the last application of lip gloss, "I'm leaving. Me and Spencer are gonna go to Starbuck before school, you in?" I say leaning on the door.

She pouts her lips out at the mirror, "No," she says still glaring at herself in the mirror, "Aiden's gonna come pick up on his motorcycle." she shines as she looks at me smiling. I roll my eyes, "What?" she stops shining.

I sigh, "Don't get hurt, I don't wanna pick up the pieces."

Rachel places her left hand on her hip, "Why would I get hurt?"

I hit my head lightly with my left palm as if to say 'duh', "Do you not remember all that stuff I told you about? You know, the whole Aiden and Ashley thing?"

She shakes her head slowly, "I'm straight."

I laugh, "Whatever. Just watch yourself"

She rolls her eyes then looks back in the mirror at herself, "You're not my keeper."

I shrug, "I know but rather you like it or not we have that whole sister/twin thing going on so we're kinda stuck with each other."

She smiles at herself in the mirror, "Sadly… I know."

I smile at her, "See you in school." I walk out of the bathroom and walk over to Spencer who's talking to Jeremy.

"…playing at Whims." I catch Jeremy saying as I reach them.

Spencer tilts her head to the left in indecision, "I don't know. Do I get backstage passes?"

I roll my eyes because I know my brother's trying to get Spencer to come to one of his shows, "Uh, you might wanna rethink this, Jer. Spencer wouldn't last a minute at one of your shows."

She looks at me then punches me on my right arm, "Hey! I would so last!"

I look at Spencer then back at my brother, "That's called a lie." I say as if I'm explaining something to a little kid.

I can feel Spencer looking at me then she looks at my brother, "I'll be there. Put my name on the guest list. S-p-e-n-c-e-r, is how you spell it. Make sure they get it right."

Jeremy smiles and laughs. Aww, my brother is so cute, "Okay, I'll put you on the list."

She nods her head then sticks out her tongue at me and I shake my head, "We gotta go." I nudge Spencer to the stairs and I follow behind her.

Jeremy nods, "Oh, hey, Roxy," he says stopping me in my tracks, "You're still gonna play with me right?"

I sigh, "I don't know, yet."

Jeremy lets his shoulders sag, "Please. You fit in with the songs so well, the band really loves you."

I smile at my brother, sadly, "I don't know."

"The shows on Friday. Today's Monday, that gives you at least four days to decide. Just think about it please?" he brings his hands together as of he's praying.

"Okay, okay I'll think about it. Just don't act so gay jeez." He nods and walks back to his room. I look at Spencer then I nudge her so she moves down the stairs. We walk down the stairs and I see Aiden at the door talking to Glen. Hmm, Spencer doesn't really like Aiden that much…

Aiden stops talking as he sees me and Spencer reach the bottom of the stairs, "Hey girls." he says giving us a little wave, too.

I smile and give a little wave back, "Hey, Aiden."

Spencer looks at Aiden with cold eyes. It makes me feel kinda scared but relieved because I'm not in Aiden's position, "Hey." She says with no emotion.

Aiden takes the hint and continues talking to Glen. Jeez, I feel like everyone decides to have a party at my house before we go to school, we just need Ashley and everything will be completed. Spencer touches her elbow with mine, I assume that means let's go. I nod my head.

We continue to the front door until my mom calls my name… damn it. I turn my head to look at her; she's rushing to the door because she's late for work, "Follow me out to the car. Hey, Spencer." she smiles at Spencer then frowns at me. I will never get my mom, how can she hate her own daughter?

"Hey, Ms. Rowe." She opens the door and me and Spencer follow her out the door. Spencer closes the door behind her as I follow my mom to her car; Spencer waits by the door. Mom unlocks the car with her key ring then opens the door, "What are you doing today after school?"

I know what she's getting at so I roll my eyes, "Not going to church."

She places her purse and bags on the passenger side and then she sighs and takes a moment to look at me, "Why not?"

I could think of a million reasons but I give her the one that makes the most sense, "I don't believe in God, mom. How many times do we have to go over this?"

She shakes her head, "Roxy."

I sigh and look away from her, "Mom."

She rubs her head, "The whole family's going. Well, maybe not your father and me but you kids are going."

I suck my teeth, "This is worse than that gay camp you sent me, too. Mom, I am who--"

She interrupts me, "I know, I know. You are who you are. But please. Just do this one little thing for me. You don't even have to love it, you don't even have to like it but just do it. I mean, no one has ever seen you at church, they think I'm making it up when I say I have a set of twin girls."

I roll my eyes, "Well, why don't you just attach at mirror to Rachel's side?" My mom cocks her head to the side which makes me feel kinda guilty. At least she's trying to understand me, I guess I could try, "Okay mom. I'll go. What time?"

She smiles and hugs me, "It's at 8."

I wrap my arms around her, too, limply. We stop hugging and she sits in her car, "I wanted to go to the movies but I guess I'm stuck praising Mr. Invisible." I say under my breath.

She closes her car door, starts the car then rolls down her window, "I'll call you. Love you." she backs out.

I watch as she backs out, "Love you, too." I say in a whisper as I see her shoot off down the street.

Spencer comes up behind me, "What was that about?"

I shake my head then walk over to my 2007 Nissan Pathfinder; Spencer follows me, "Nothing, really." I unlock the doors and we both get in. I start the truck then look at Spencer, "I'm going to praise him tonight."

She looks at me and her mouth drops, "You're gonna burst into flames. Does your mom wanna kill you?" she smiles.

I smile back, "Yeah, that's what I believe." I place my right arm on the back of Spencer's seat to back out.

"She doesn't hate you, you know?" Spencer says being completely serious.

I wait until I'm out of my driveway and going in the direction of school, "Yes, she does. And I don't think we'll make it to Starbucks today, we'll go at lunch." I open my armrest and put on my shades.

Spencer puts on her seat belt so I do the same, she'll bitch at me about safety if I don't, "Your mom doesn't hate you. I mean she's way better than my mom, when she found out I was with Ashley she tossed Ashley out half naked and hired a shrink to de-gay me." Spencer says staring at me.

I nod, "I know, you told me. But, Spence, your mom didn't send you to gay camp."

"I'm sure she would've if I wasn't in school."

I stare at the road and start to fall into a daze, "You don't know what they do to you there, Spence. They make you feel like shit, like you're so wrong and you don't deserve to live… and love."

Spencer places her hand on my shoulder and I come out of my daze to look at her really quick, "I'm sorry you had to go through that but just know that you deserve to be happy. No matter what some people say, okay?"

I smile, "Well, you know I don't take authority well so I didn't listen to them."

She takes her hand away from my shoulder and holds it up giving me the rocker sign, "Because you're bad-ass."

I burst with laughter. I laugh so hard that I swerve, "Don't ever do that again."

She smiles, "I could so be a rocker."

I stop laughing after a minute, "I cant wait to see that, I mean I had to make you wear that belt, there's no way you can do it."

She rolls her eyes, "Yes, I can. You'll see." I nod sarcastically, "I can."

"I'm sure, I'm sure." I say. She smiles.

We talk on the way to school, which take twenty minutes to get there, so we get there 7:31. I walk with Spencer to her locker and lo and behold, Ashley's waiting. This is great, I have to go to church later today and I might have to repent because I kicked Ashley's ass.

Ashley rolls her eyes as she sees me walking with Spencer. I look at Spencer and she's smiling at her. I roll my eyes and continue to walk farther into hell, "Hey, Ash." Spencer says stopping in front of her locker.

Ashley smiles, "Hey, Spence." then she looks at me, "Hey, Roxy."

I look away from her, "Hey, Ashley…" I say under my breath.

Ashley directs her attention back to Spencer, "So what's up?"

Spencer walks closer to her locker, meaning she's walking closer to Ashley, "Nothing. You?" Spencer opens her locker. Spencer is the only thing separating me and Ashley. Ashley is on the left of Spencer and I'm on the right, with the locker door blocking my face from the two. I fall back lightly onto the lockers and stare at the other side of the hallway. Ooh, more lockers.

"I think we should hang out today, after school." Ashley says. I look down at her feet while she's talking. Well, there's two thing that I have to admit about her: she has style and she's pretty hot.

Spencer rearranges her locker, "Um, I don't know. I was actually planning on going to church." Okay, that caught my attention. I didn't know she was planning on going with me.

"Church?" Ashley asks.

Spencer grabs two books out of her locker then shuts it, revealing me to Ashley. I give her a fake smile then stop. "Yeah, I'm going to teen night at church." Spencer looks at me and smiles then back at Ashley, "You should come."

I stand up straight and me and Ashley both say, "What?" in shock.

Spencer pretty much heard us through surround sound considering that we're on both sides of her, "Yeah, Ash, you should come."

I shake my head, "No… no. She can't come."

Ashley looks at me and scoffs, "Who said I wanted to go anywhere with you?"

I narrow my eyes at her, "Well, you couldn't anyways."

Spencer clears her throat, "Yes, you can, Ash."

I look at Spencer, "You're kidding, right? Between me, you, and her one of us is gonna burst into flames."

Spencer shakes her head, "No. I wont. It'll probably be you or her," she points at Ashley when she says her, "That's what you guys have most in common."

Ashley shakes her head, "Uh, no. I'm not a corn feed bad ass… or think I'm bad ass."

I stare daggers at her, "And I'm not a rich California bitch."

She gets in my face, "I know. You're a Ohio rich bitch."

Spencer steps in between us, "Guys. Are you aware that y'all are 18 years old? Because you are and you're not acting like it."

I fold my arms and sigh, "Whatever."

Ashley looks away, "Yeah."

I hear Spencer going through her bag and so does Ashley because we both look at Spencer. "What are you doing?" I say with my arms folded still.

"I. Am." Spencer says stopping after each word as she digs in her purse, "Looking. For. This!" she pulls out silver handcuffs.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I say unfolding my arms in shock.

Ashley smirks, "Whoa. How come you never had those in your bag when we were going out?" I kinda smile… that was kinda funny.

Spencer gives smiles to the two of us then she places one on Ashley, "Ha." I say out loud and Ashley shoots me one of those death glares but I still smile. Then Spencer looks at me and places the other on my wrist, "Hey!" I say.

Ashley shakes her head, "Spencer, take these off. Right now." Ashley demands trying to break free and pulling my arm out of the socket trying to do so.

I yank back, "Ow, that hurts. Stop moving."

"Ow." She yanks out of anger of what I just did to her.

I squint one of my eyes at her then yank. She does it again. Then me. Then her. Then me. "Stop it." Spencer pulls the chain in her direction.

"Ow!" We both wail at Spencer.

Spencer tightens her grip on the chain, "Look, I'm getting pretty tired of y'all screaming at each other and fighting with each other every time we're together. So you guys need to become friends… fast. Or those are staying on forever." Spencer smirks deviously.

My mouth drops, "I didn't think you could be so evil but damn."

Ashley sighs, "Please, don't do this."

Spencer let's go of the chain, "I'll let you out when I feel you guys are friends. I know you both have gym together so we'll see how that works out. If you get along then you'll be free by second period. We'll gotta go. See you second period." She walks off in the direction of Kyla. Together they walk out of sight.

Ashley and I stare in disbelief at the handcuffs then we notice that this isn't a dream and stare at each other, "This is ridiculous." I say.

She rolls her eyes, "No duh."

I sigh, "Are you ready to go to gym?"

Ashley raises her left eyebrow, "You're not considering going anywhere like this, right?"

I hold my free hand out, "Well…"

Ashley shakes her head, "No." she digs in her pocket and pulls out a safety pin. She wiggles it into the keyhole and there's a small click noise. That was the sound of freedom; her cuff falls off. "Easy."

She hands me the safety pin and I try to mimic her. It clicks me free, "Simple." I take the handcuffs and jam them into my backpack; I give her back the safety pin. She stares at me, I guess she's waiting for me to say something, "What?" I say.

"Nothing. Just--nothing." And with 'nothing' said she walks away from me. I roll my eyes and head over to gym class and for the whole period I wait to see if Ashley will show up… she doesn't.

First period ends so I go looking for Spencer. I see her standing by my locker smiling. She hasn't realized the devil reincarnate isn't attached to me anymore. I walk up to her and return her smile, "Your plan back fired."

She looks behind me, "Where's Ashley?"

I shrug, "Couldn't tell you."

Spencer rolls her eyes, "She such a spoiled sport."

I narrow my eyes at her, "That was not cool. Not cool at all."

She flashes me an adorable smile, "Well, both of you were pissing me off."

"I think I'm gonna tie you to Aiden then." I smirk.

She stops smiling, "That's so not funny."

I smile just like her, or I try to, "Yes it is."

She rolls her eyes then looks back at me, "So did Ashley leave early, you think?"

I put on my thinking face, "Um, yeah."

"So you saw her leave?"

I nod and lean against my locker, "Well, the last time I saw her was when she got us out of the cuffs. And she gave me that death stare again only…" I trail off because it wasn't really a death stare.

Spencer leans in a little, "Only what?"

"I don't think it was a death glare this time. Like, it was more of her studying me." I say feeling a little weird about what I said and what Ashley did.

Spencer smiles, "Maybe she wants you."

I roll my eyes, "I strongly doubt that. She hates me for even looking at you… she still wants you for sure."

Spencer smiles, "I guess so."

I tap her lightly on the arm, "Don't be so cocky."

"Why not? You do it all the time."

I smile, "I'm a different story." I stand up straight because I guess I have an idea that the bell's gonna ring soon.

"You're a different book." she says.

I don't argue with her, "I agree."

She sighs happily, "I'm gonna get to class before you get me detention… again." Spencer says, saying again with enthusiasm.

I smirk, "Oh, please. You know it was good for you." she rolls her eyes and walks off.

I start walking to class which is on the other side of the school but he doesn't care that I'm late; actually he does. While I'm walking I think about Ashley for some reason beyond me. I wonder where she went and why she gave me that weird ass face. I sigh to myself. I don't know why she hates me so damn much. I'm not trying to steal her ex-girlfriend, she's the one that messed that up before I even got here. And it's not like Spencer wants me anyways…

I make it inside my class right as the bell rings, "You're lucky, Ms. Rowe. That would've been your fourth tardy and that would've meant detention." Mr. Carney says.

I walk by him with ease, "Oh, c'mon, Mr. Carney. You would never send me to detention, I'm too darn cute." I sit in my sit then smile at him. The whole class fills with laughter.

Mr. Carney shushes the class, "Okay, Ms. Rowe. That's enough."

I smile as I shrug then I place my book bag on the left side of me. I take out some paper and a black pen. Okay, I'm gonna pay attention to him today, I'm not going to daydream. Kyla taps me on the shoulder; she sits behind me, "Hey, Rox?"

I turn around, "Yeah?"

"Have you seen Ash?" she asks.

"Um, I think she's skipping, she wasn't in first." I say readjusting my skirt because some kid across from me is definitely trying to get a view.

"Ugh, she thinks just because she has money she can just not do things. It's so hard to look after her." Kyla says overwhelmed.

"Hey," I say reassuring, "You don't have to take care of her. Yeah, she is your sister but you gotta let her find her own way."

Kyla nods but I don't think she really understands, "Yeah, I know that but… I cant get rid of the feeling."

I sigh, "I know what you mean. I don't know exactly how I feel about Rachel messing around with Aiden."

Kyla smiles, "How do you think Ashley feels about you and Spencer then?"

I raise my left eyebrow, "There is no me and Spencer. We are just friends, just like Spencer and Ashley."

"That's not what Ashley thinks."

"I know! She thinks I'm out to get her but I'm not. I have a life of my own. And plus whoever Spencer goes out with is Spencer's business, I mean their relationship was weird before I even got here so this is nowhere near my fault." Kyla smiles and nods. She's so easy to talk to, I'm sure she's full of everyone's secrets. I notice that the boy is still trying to look up my skirt so I clear my throat, "Take a picture why don't you?" I take out my camera, "Here, use mine."

He smiles, I guess he thinks I'm flirting with him. He reaches for my camera and I slap his hand away, "Hey." he wails.

I toss my camera back in my book bag, "What are you? Stupid?"

"You were gonna give it to me." he says rubbing his hand.

"No. I was gonna teach you a lesson."

He smiles, "And what was the lesson gonna be?"

I smile and lean in closer to him and whisper, "Don't hit on lesbians." I sit upright and I look at his face. He looks so lost and that makes me so happy; I smirk.

"Roxy!" Mr. Carney screams.

I whip my head to the front of the class, "Yeah?"

"Can you tell me the full effect of marijuana on your body?"

I do not know this answer. I don't even do drugs but I do know one thing, "Uh, drugs are bad?" Thanks, South Park.

The class laughs at me even when I was being completely serious, "That gets you detention."

"For not knowing the answer? I thought we were in class to learn."

He smiles at me; that's never good, "No. For not paying attention and distracting your classmates."

I toss all my shit in my bag angrily then stand up with the bag on my shoulder, "You know, Mr. Carney. I think that kid should get detention too." I point at the pervert.

"And why is that?"

I look at the kid then back at the teacher, "For looking up my skirt and being a pervert."

Mr. Carney sighs and looks at the kid, "Matt. You're going to detention."

He sighs and I smirk, "Thank you. See you tomorrow." I walk to the front of the class and Mr. Carney turns his attention back to the blackboard. I smile at Kyla and she smile back. I decide to do something that I've always wanted to do. I raise my hands in the air as they make the rocker sign, "THANK YOU, KING HIGH. YOU'RE A GREAT AUDIENCE!" The class laughs loud as Mr. Carney looks at me and I smile on my way to the door. I wave at Kyla then walk out the door. I start my treacherous walk to detention, I know that room all too well.

Someone comes up next to me, "Funny. I like your style."

I look at the kid and roll my eyes, "I just got in trouble because of you. Do you seriously wanna talk to me?" I walk faster.

He grabs my arm and I stop, "Yeah I do wanna talk to you." he smiles.

I take my arm back. Did I not just use the official back off line? I'll try it again, "What part of lesbian don't you understand? The part that I like girls or the part where I don't like guys… at all?" I start walking again to my destination. He lags behind me… ugh, I assume he's looking at my ass. I pull my skirt down a little.

I arrive at detention within two minutes, "Hey, Roxy." Ms. Williams says.

She knows me so well, "Hey, where do you want me to sit?"

She looks around the room from the comfort of her black swivel chair, "Um… you can sit by…" she points over to a table and I see--

"No." I say turning my head back to her.

"Yes," she smiles, I totally think she knows that this is a nightmare, "You don't get to decide in detention. You're sitting by Ashley."

Ashley lifts her head up and sees me but she doesn't really do anything, like make a face. She just lays her head back down. As a matter of fact, she looks like she's been crying. I slowly walk over to the table and sit on the same side as Ashley. She doesn't even acknowledge me, fine with me. Spencer's words ring in my head _"…you guys need to become friends…"_


	3. And try to

"So, what's up, Ashley?" I say regretting the words as they come out of my mouth. She doesn't say anything do I place my hand on her shoulder; big mistake, "Ash."

"What's it to you?" she says angrily so I move my hand away.

I sigh, "Nothing, I guess."

She looks at me, "Shouldn't you be somewhere making good grades? Why are you on my turf?"

I roll my eyes and laugh, "I should be somewhere making good grades but some ass hole tried to look up m skirt and I got a bit feisty."

Ashley smiles a little bit, "Maybe you shouldn't wear such slutty skirts."

I look under the table at her legs, "Uh, take your own advice, toots." I smile.

And oddly enough we started talking, instead of pulling at each others hair. We talked for a good 40 minutes.

We were laughing at something, "You know, I thought you were a total bitch when I first met you." she said looking at me.

I nod my head while laughing, "Yep, I thought the same about you."

She sighs after she stops laughing, "I guess Spencer was right."

I look at her, "About what?"

"About how we have so much in common."

I look out the window and nod, "Yeah."

"I mean…" I look at her, "We both love her…" she says very disappointed.

I shake my head, "Yeah." she starts to frown, "But in completely different ways."

Ashley lifts her head up, "Oh, c'mon. I know you like her."

I shake my head and smile, "No, I don't. Not like that."

"How can you not?"

I make a confused face, "Do you want me to like her like that?"

She shakes her head quickly, "No, no. It's just that you guys are attached to each other 24/7. And, hell, y'all are going to church together. Two lesbians going to church… that sounds like a relationship."

I chuckle a little, "And? We invited you to come… well Spencer invited you. Obviously it wasn't a date or anything like that. I know I'm not into threesomes." I smile.

She smiles, "I kinda am." she and I both laugh, "But not with Spencer. I love her and I want her all to myself."

I nod, "I know. You were gonna kick my ass over her when I first moved here."

"I'll still kick your ass over her."

The bell rings for lunch so I stand up. I look at Ashley, "And I'll kick your ass if you hurt her." Ashley looks at me then nods. I nod then walk away. I go to Spencer's locker, extremely excited to tell her the news of the Rowe-Davies fight coming to an end. I see the back of her head and as I get closer I see someone's face extremely close to hers. Whoa, that's not extremely close that is… touching. I walk up behind Spencer as the kisser leaves. She turns to me with a shocked face, "What was that about?" Spencer doesn't speak, "Spencer," I place my hand on her arm, "Who was that?" I do have an idea and it sure as hell wasn't Ashley.

Spencer looks at me, "Can we talk about it in the car?"

I rub her arm delicately and nod, "Yeah, sure."

She nods then places all her books in her locker. She closes her locker as Ashley pops up behind her, "Hey, Spence."

I would smile but I'm sure Ashley would be totally shut down if she knew someone just kissed Spencer, "Hi." Spencer says quietly. Spencer looks at Ashley with a fake smile.

Ashley rubs Spencer's cheek, "What's wrong?"

Spencer looks away forcing Ashley to drop her hand, "Nothing. Listen, um, me and Roxy are going to lunch so I'll see you when we get back, okay?"

Ashley sighs, "Spence, I--" but before Ashley could get the words out Spencer had me by the hand, dragging me to my car. We walk past everyone without stopping even though everyone is saying stuff to us. We get to my car and I get in as Spencer's getting in. I start the car and we're already on our way to Starbucks.

I look at her, "What's up?"

She looks at me, "I cant do this anymore."

Confused… "Do what?"

"Ashley. Just everything with Ashley."

I look to Spencer then at the road, "What have you been doing with Ashley?" friends with benefits pops into my head but Spencer would never.

"Being so close to her but not being with her." Spencer sighs.

"Well, then be with her. It's that simple."

Spencer scoffs, "I wish it was that simple. I mean Aiden…"

"Aiden?"

"Yeah, I know he's trying to be with your sister but what happens when he gets bored? He's gonna go for Ashley again and I cant do that. I don't trust him."

"So you're just gonna forget what happened with you and Ashley?"

Spencer shakes her head, "NO. I could never do that. I just, I need to see if it's always like this with girls, dating girls."

I look in my rearview because someone's honking at me and the light's red. Ugh, someone's trying to get my number, whatever. "So who are you gonna go out with?"

"Carmen kissed me."

My mouth drops, "Car-Carm-Carmen?"

She looks down at her fingers which she begins to play with, "Yeah, and I didn't push her away."

I nod my head with my mouth still open, "Yeah." I say drawing out every letter, "I saw."

"She just makes me feel like, I'm her only one and there's no one else I ever have to worry about, and we're not even together. It's just the way she makes me feel everyday." she looks up at me smiling.

"And what does Ashley make you feel like?"

Spencer makes a noise, kinda of a scream, "Everything. Everything into one big emotion. Like I can feel pain and love from her at the same time. And I don't know, mad and content. I just hate feeling this way. But when I feel love, and just love, it's just different every time and it's great every time."

I turn into the parking lot and find a nice parking spot. I put the truck in park then look at Spencer, "That's what us Ohio natives call love."

Spencer puts her face in her hand, "Ugh, well, maybe I'm just not ready for love yet…"

I nod, knowing how scary love can be, the idea of giving yourself to someone with them not being able to make a promise to you. A promise that states that they will never hurt you, "I know how that is."

She looks at me, "Can I have a hug?" I look up at the sky, "You're not gonna give me one?"

I laugh, "No, I was just thinking if I should or not." she gasps, "Kidding, kidding." I hug her and she hugs me back. We hug each other for ten seconds then get out of the truck and order our drinks. When we get out drinks we sit down at a table.

"So how was second period? Kyla told me you got kicked out."

I laugh and take a sip of my caramel frappachino, "It was fun. I went to detention and guess who was there?"

"Rachel? I haven't seen her all day."

Ugh, skipping school with Aiden, "Uh, don't think so. Ashley."

She almost chokes on her cookie, "Ashley? And you guys didn't kill each other?"

I take another sip, "Nope, we actually talked for forty minutes."

"About what?"

"I talked about my old life in Ohio and she talked about her life before you came along. You're like her angel."

Spencer looks down, "Thanks for telling me that."

"Sorry."

She looks back up at me, "What else?"

"Well, she said she would totally kill me over you and I said I will kill her if you ever hurt you. And she honestly thought that I wanted you."

"You do." she says smiling.

I smile, "Only in your dreams, baby doll." she laughs, "So I wanted to tell you that you wouldn't have to worry about me killing Ashley if you ever went out with her…again."

Spencer sighs, "Good to know."

I stand up, "Okay, we better get back to that jail they call school before I get detention, again." Spencer smiles sadly and stands up. I put my arm around her as we walk out the door, "Hey, cheer up."

She looks at the ground as we walk, "I just wish my life wasn't so complicated. I wish I was straight."

I laugh and scoff, "You would have to deal with that." I point at two boys checking us out and whistling.

She smiles at them then looks at me, "Yuck."

I smile at her then look at them. I look at them as I say, "Let's mess with them."

We stop at the front of my car then I put my arm down, "What, how?"

I get an idea, "Like this." I climb up on the hood of my car, making sure my undies aren't showing. I start to dance on my hood, someone told me I could been an exotic dancer.

Spencer stares up at me and whispers, "Roxy, get off the car. Now."

I smile at her, "How about you come up here?" I grab her hand and pull her up on the hood and she just stands there like a stick.

I place my hand on her legs than slowly move up her side, "C'mon. Move it, move it. Shake what your momma gave you."

She turns around and she is beet red, "No, let's go, please." I listen to her as the boys whoop and holler.

I nod and jump off the hood and I help her down. She opens the passenger side door and I open the driver side door. We get in at the same time then close the doors. I start the car then drive by the boys with my window down.

One of them comes up to me and places his elbows in the windowsill, "Damn, that was hot. Can I get a private one later?"

I smile flirtatiously, "Sorry, I'm taken."

He smiles bigger, "He must be a lucky man."

I lace me and Spencer's hand together and lift them up, "What makes you think a man can handle all of this?" his mouth drops as I drive away.

Spencer finally says something after we're three minutes away from school, "That was just wrong."

I smile then look at her, "How so?"

"You played with his emotions." Spencer says.

"That's the fun of it all." Spencer scoffs then looks out the window, "He doesn't have emotions, he was a beef cake."

She looks back at me, "You don't even know him. He probably saw a hot girl and thought, man--"

I look at her as we enter the parking lot, "I sure could fuck her." I say with a deep voice.

Spencer rolls her eyes, "You know there are nice people in the world. The kind that don't play with emotions."

I park my truck then look at her, "And I guess you're not one of those because you're sure sending Ashley's emotions on a roller coaster ride."

Spencer looks at me, "And what? You're so much better than me?"

I shake my head, "I never even said--"

Spencer opens her door, "Well, that's what it feels like. And how would you know anything about emotions? You act like you don't even have any. When I told you I was moving you didn't even cry, when I told you about Clay all you said was things happen for a reason." she gets out of the car, "But the worst thing is: you can tell me about love when you've never even been in love."

"Are you kidding me? How can you tell me what feelings I have? I handle things differently, just because I don't cry about everything doesn't mean I don't care. And love, Spencer? Psh, you wont even say you're a lesbian." I chuckle, "You are gay, Spencer. Spencer Carlin you are gay! When you wake up tomorrow, you still will be gay. And you don't know anything about what I've been through. You don't know shit about me."

Spencer nods her head while the tears rush down her face, "Yeah. I obviously don't. But I do know that I've been friends with a girl all these years and yet I don't know shit about her. Because everything I thought I knew… she just proved me wrong." she slams the door and storms off.

I roll my eyes and sigh. I get out of my car and start walking to class.

She doesn't know everything about me. I haven't told her every single detail of my life… ugh, this is why I don't like having friends. I go to all my classes, avoiding Spencer throughout the rest of the day. I am not apologizing because I didn't do anything wrong. Eh, maybe I did do something wrong.

I walk to my car and I see Ashley waiting for me. She doesn't look very inviting, "Hey, have you seen Spencer?"

I walk right up to her and shake my head, "Nope. Last time I saw her was lunch."

She remains silent but still pouts, "Did something happen?"

"What do you mean?" I ask not knowing rather she meant me 'playing with emotions' or Spencer's kiss with the little Latina.

"I mean that I've been hearing things about Spencer kissing someone."

"Oh." I say not wanting to give Spencer's business away. And not wanting to make Ashley feel hurt or something.

She nods her head, "So is it true?"

I walk away from her but only to my driver's side door, "Um, you'd have to ask her." I open the door.

She closes it, "Look if you know something then tell me."

I look her square in the eye, "Listen, this is none of my business. I'm not gonna be in the middle of you and Spence."

"You already are."

"What?" I may be both of their friends but I didn't make Spencer kiss Carmen and I didn't make Carmen kiss Spencer.

"You kissed Spencer."

My mouth drops, second time today, "What? I--"

She wont even let me speak, "You kissed her after we talked. After we, supposedly, solved everything, at least I thought we did. And you sat there and lied to me straight to my face when I asked you if you liked her." she narrows her eyes at me.

I shake my head, "Ashley. I didn't lie to you."

"Well, then you're doing this just to hurt me? Great, you just became another enemy." she walks away from me.

I stare at her in disbelief as she walks away, "You didn't even give me a chance to speak!" I yell to her back but she doesn't turn around. I open my car door and toss my shit in the back. This is bullshit, "Fuck!" I scream at the top of my lungs in the car. I place my head on the headrest and close my eyes.

How did I possibly walk into this mess. This is so much drama for nothing, I wish I was back in Ohio, I wish I was back with--

"Hey." a muffled voice says on my right side. I open my eyes and see that it's Kyla. I unlock the door to let her in; she opens the door, "What the hell is up with Ashley? She just drove off and she knew I needed a ride." she sits down and closes the door.

I start the engine and turn on the air, "She has the idiotic idea that me and Spencer kissed."

Kyla hits me on the arm, "You didn't?" she says as a question and a statement.

"Ow." I rub my arm and growl at her, "No, I didn't kiss her nor did she kiss me. That's totally false information. Nothing happened… between us."

"Between who?" Kyla asks.

"It's none of my business or yours." I say, "Should I take you home?"

"Actually, I'm suppose to go to your house because I wanna talk to Hunter and Rachel."

"Okay." I speed out of the parking lot.

"But hey, did Spencer kiss someone?" Kyla inquires.

I might as well tell Kyla, she's gonna find out eventually, "Technically Spencer didn't kiss her."

Kyla's eyes grow two times bigger, "Carmen!" she practically screams the earwax out of my ears.

I use my right hand to itch my ear, "Yes. God, you sound like a banshee."


	4. Well don't you see, i'm falling

"Carmen kissed her? What did she do?"

I shake my head slowly while trying to pay attention to the road, "Nothing. She just let her. She said she liked it."

"Oh my god, that's crazy." I nod, "So, wait, why isn't Spencer riding with you?"

I shrug, "We got into a fight on the way back from lunch and she's probably getting Carmen to give her a ride home."

"About what?"

I tell Kyla the whole story, I feel like I could never tell her a lie. "And that's the gist of it all."

"Wow, so are you gonna apologize?"

I pull into my driveway, "Am I gonna apologize? What did I do wrong?"

"You hit her where it hurts most: Ashley. She knows everything that you told her and she feels really bad about it."

I roll my eyes, "And how do you know?"

"Because she tells me this stuff. All she says to me is she wish she was straight--"

I shut off the car as I shake my head, "Well, she won't be straight. She just has to deal with it."

"Her mom makes it kinda hard, Rox." Kyla says with sympathy in her voice.

"Don't talk to me about moms. My mom sent me to camp to wash the sin of being gay away. I got over it and--"

Kyla cuts me off, "What if Spencer isn't you, huh? What if Spencer isn't even as strong as you? Should she have to feel bad because she doesn't know what to do in this situation? I don't think so."

She's right, "No," I sigh, "I guess I just lost my temper. I mean who is she to tell me what I feel and if I've been in love or not."

"Have you?" I nod, "And how was she suppose to know that if you didn't tell her? She can't read minds and I can't either."

I sigh, "It just hurts… that's all."

Kyla places her hand on mine, "It always hurts coming from a true friend." she smiles.

I roll my eyes, "Well, Spencer must be the truest of them all." I smile and laugh. We get out of the car and walk into the house. Kyla goes looking for Hunter… don't know why. There better not be anything going on there. I go up to my room then sit on my bed and play with my guitar a little bit. I start to play the song that I've had in my head all day; no special reason. _You say the sweetest things and I cant keep my heart from singing. Along, to the sound of your song, my stupid feet keep moving…_I continue to play the guitar to what I think is the beat of the song. _Someone stop this song, so I won't sing along…_and before I know it I'm actually singing the song out loud.

When I get done singing the song I hear clapping behind me, it's Jeremy, "And this is why I want you to play with me on Friday."

I smile and lay the guitar down behind me on my bed, "That's called eavesdropping."

He sits next to me on the bed, "No, that was Paramore, you were playing the song how could you forget?"

I nudge him with my shoulder, "Smart-ass."

He nudges me back, "So you gonna play with me?"

I look at my feet, "I'm not sure. I thought I had four more days?" I look at him.

He looks at me, "Well, you don't."

I sigh, "Why do you want you sister to play with you? Isn't that kinda dorky for you?"

He rolls his eyes and picks up the guitar making sure not to hit me in the head, "Join in if you know it." he pauses the starts strumming, "_Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours about things I couldn't say to you and things that we could never do and, This conversation has had no face…" _he begins.

I wait for my favorite part, _"__and I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs to write about all of these faded things we hope would mean the most to me…"_

We sing the song together through to the finish. He looks at me and smiles, "Perfect. And you ask why I wanted you."

That felt really good. I smile, "I'll do it."

He smirks, "I know."

"Get out," I say playfully, "There's only room for one ego."

"Thanks." he says sincerely before putting down my guitar and leaving the room. I watch TV for at least two hours. I'm feeling pretty thirsty so I walk downstairs then I walk to the kitchen. I open the fridge and pull out a coke.

I walk past the dining room, which my dad and mom have made their personal office even though they have offices in the house. "Roxy." a voice comes from the room.

It's my dad, I walk to the doorway, "Hey, dad." I say monotonously.

He smiles at me through his glasses, "Hey, Roxy." I stare at him, "Oh, um, I just wanted to talk to you. See how your day went. I feel like we haven't talked for a while."

We haven't talked since I came back from camp, "My day was okay." no need to go into detail, he wouldn't understand anyways.

"Something wrong?" he says.

I shake my head, "Nope."

He nods, "Could you sit down for a sec?"

"Dad, I--"

"Please?" he says with pleading eyes.

I sigh and walk over to the chair that's across from him, "Okay dad."

He takes off his glasses, "Um, I wanna talk to you."

"I thought that was what you were doing."

He sighs and rubs his temples, "Listen, I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"About sending you to that camp."

I don't wanna talk about this right now, no. I stand up, "Um, dad. I have homework to do so I better hop on it."

He keeps on talking, "I never realized how much that hurt y--"

I close my eyes, "Dad, please. Stop, I don't need to hear this right now." I leave my coke and run up to my room. I slam the door behind me. I press my back to the door and slowly slide down. I bring my knees up to my chest and place my head on them.

Perfect timing to talk about the worst moment of my life. I feel like everything's crumbling under my feet and taking everyone I love away. I can't ever be happy.

I sit in that position for the next hour until my phone rings. I don't want to get it, I'm sure it would only be more bad news or something else. It keeps on ringing and it's getting kinda of annoying. I walk over to my dresser and pick the cell up, "Hello?"

"Hey."

I smile big and fall back on my bed, "Hi."

"Do you know who this is?"

"The better question is: could I ever forget, Lily?"

I just know she's smiling; she laughs, "Probably not."

I sigh, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"I wish I was there with you right now." I say telling her nothing but the truth.

"Psh, you wish you were here? I wish I was there with you, Miss Hollywood."

I roll my eyes but still smile, "No, I don't think so. There's nothing but stupid drama."

"What's going on?" she asks sweetly.

I tell her everything: Spencer, Ashley, my dad, "I don't need this right now."

"So you pulled Spencer up on your car and put on a show?" she asks giggling.

I nod, "Yeah."

She laughs, "I use to be Spencer in situations like that, you are so embarrassing," she sighs, "Those were the good days."

"They sure were…" I trail off because I really don't want reality to set in; I'm not in Ohio anymore.

"So have you talked to Spencer since lunch, she came over?"

I shake my head even though she can't see me, "Nope."

"Well, you should."

I roll my eyes, "So you think I should apologize, too?"

"And you don't?"

"No. I didn't do anything wrong."

She sucks air in through her teeth, "It's not easy being gay, Roxy."

Is she serious, "I, of all people, know that I mean, hello, look at where I am and why."

"Then you should be helping her and not pointing out her flaws with taking care of this."

I roll my eyes again, "But--"

"No, buts. Just think about it, don't you want her to be happy?"

"Why? I'm sure as hell not…"

She scoffs, "Listen, I know you're not a Christian but you can still be nice so there's this saying."

"Oh, god here we go."

She chuckles, "Shut up. It says just because your life isn't going as planned don't take it out on someone else. So, make Spencer's life better than yours."

"And how's that fair for me?"

She scoffs, "It's not."

"So why am I doing it?"

She laughs, "It's called a good deed, you just do it. And on top of the satisfaction of doing the deed, you get to know that I'm proud of you."

"For what?" I say curiously.

"For not changing. And being that same, nice girl that I started dating two years ago."

I smile, "I'm pretty much amazed that we lasted this long…"

"Why? We're great together."

I laugh, "Well, I mean the smart, pretty, perky cheerleader and the--"

She finishes my sentence, "Bad ass, delinquent girl."

I smile, "We're not really a normal couple. For a few facts really."

"And what are they?"

"Well, You're a girl and I'm a girl. Um, Ohio is still stuck in 1874." she laughs, "And our parents like each other. Or _liked_ better yet."

"Isn't that usually a good thing when parents like each other?"

I scoff, "Yeah, usually but hello we're not usual. Weren't you listening, jeez?"

She laughs and I smile, "I love you so much." she says.

"I love you, too." I say on the edge of crying or punching something because I'm so far away.

We don't say anything, we just soak in our love until, of course, someone interrupts me. My door opens, "It's almost time for church."

I look at my mom, "I changed my mind."

My mom puts her hand on her hip, "Roxy, you said you would, please?"

I sigh heavily, "Okay, I'll go. Let me get dressed, okay?"

My mom nods, "Thank you, Roxy." then closes the door.

I sigh into the phone, "Church time?"

I get up and stretch my arms and arch my back, "Yep. I really don't wanna go. I'd rather just stay on the phone with you."

"Yeah, I wish you could. But I have to go, too."

"What are you doing?" I say as I walk over to my closet to pick out something that actually covers my legs. I don't want the church goers thinking I'm a heathen already…they have to get to know me.

"Um, me and the squad just got done watching the Notebook and it made me think of you."

I smile, "You're blushing aren't you?"

She laughs nervously, "Maybe."

I laugh, "You're so cute." I smile.

"Yeah, I am. And you are soooooo bad ass." she says laughing.

"And don't you forget it, baby." we both laugh, "I guess I better let you go finish doing your hard work with the squad. I mean, I'm sure rhyming is super hard work, get to it! You can do it!" I say thinking of when I use to watch her during the stupid football games.

She laughs, "Whatever. I know you've always been jealous of my pom-poms, I see the way you eye them."

I smile, "Yeah, you're right. I do eye your pom-poms." what a dirty bird I am.

She laughs nervously again, "You're such a weirdo."

I'm sure she's blushing, "But I'm your weirdo."

She giggles, "Sadly…"

I laugh, "Ooh, nice burn."

I know she's smiling, "I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

"Ily and Imy." she says, "Oh and you're on speaker."

I hate those phrases, "Ugh, I hate those phrases."

"Well, fine I won't say them."

"Yeah, you will. That's what cheerleaders do. Piss people off."

"We do not." Her friends laugh and some agree and disagree.

I nod and laugh, "Yeah you do. Or you make little boys fairly aroused."

Her squad starts cracking up and they all agree, "I'll call you later. I love you." she says between laughter.

I smile, "Love you, too." I pause, "Love you, squad!"

They all reply at the same time, "Love you too!" I laugh and hang up the phone. It's amazing how Lily's cheerleading buddies don't hate her because she's gay. They truly love her and I'm grateful because if they didn't… I don't think we ever would've lasted this long. I look through my closet for a pair of black, tight jeans and a white shirt.

I don't really know why I didn't tell Spencer about Lily. They weren't best friends but they were something, they knew each other at least. But they have one thing in common: they both got screwed over by Debbie. I honestly think she is a closet lesbian. She's jealous that Spencer and Lily are out of the closet. Hell, maybe she wants them…

I laugh at the thought of Debbie hitting on Lily. I'm not even sure me and Lily are technically together. We're not going out with other people but we're so far away. Okay, I know that doesn't mean that we're broken up. We're not broken up until one us says it's over but it'll never come to that because I could never bring myself to say it and I'm sure she couldn't either. She's not the first girl I've gone out with, just the first I've loved. I've never said I loved you to a person I was going out with unless I meant it. When my ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends said it to me, I would tell them how it was. "I don't love you" is easier to say than I love you for some reason beyond me. I wouldn't know what to do without her, I'd probably wish to not wake up everyday.

I find the jeans and shirt I was looking for and put them on. I decide to wear my skull slip-ons. I spray on some 'Tilt' I got from Pac Sun… that Spencer bought me when I first got here. I wonder if she's still going tonight… awkward.

I pick up my small, simple, black purse and put all my make up in it. You never know when you might need to reapply. I think I wanna look good as I'm burning on holy ground. I look at myself in the mirror then sigh. I think I'm ready. I walk out of my room and see my brothers lined up by the stairs.


	5. Don't wanna love you But

Jeremy's wearing his black slip-ons with blue jeans and a white t-shit. He's so simple. I wonder if he's gonna take out his lip piercing. I know I'm not. I remember when we got those together, he was such a wuss and it was his idea to get them together. He only got one, in the middle of his lip, while I got snake bites. I like being different.

Hunter has to look good wherever he goes so he's wearing a shipload of Axe, grey dress pants and a white collar shirt… stupid American eagle bird. And, oh my god, he put in his diamond earrings, I swear, that kid is gay. He smiles at me.

"What are you smiling at?" I ask.

"Kyla's coming with us."

I roll my eyes, "And I'm guessing you guys like each other?" he nods, "Okay, well, just remember: I will hurt you if you hurt her."

He smiles bigger, "I'm an angel."

I laugh, "Yeah, right. You're a sinner in the body of an angel, maybe, but you are no angel."

"Well, neither are you."

I smirk, "And I like it that way." Hunter smiles and walks into his room for a second.

Jeremy starts to fidget with his lip piercing, "Should we take these out?"

I shake my head, "I'm not taking mine out. The only agreement I made was to go to church. Mom didn't say anything about looking like a nun."

He laughs, "What do you think she'll say to me?"

I think about it then I make my voice wispy, "Aww, Jeremy you look so nice. I just wish you didn't have those holes in you ear. And why do you insist on wearing that thing on your lip? Trying to be like Roxy? I can't believe I let you guys keep those."

He laughs, "Sounds just like her."

I shrug cutely, "Well, when you've been with her for 18 years you pick up on a few things." I smile.

Kyla comes over, "Aww, y'all look cute."

Jeremy blushes, "Thanks."

Kyla laughs and looks at Jeremy, "Especially you, Jer."

He smiles and walks into Hunter's room. I don't know why they didn't have to share a room since I have to share one with Rachel. "_Because she's your twin,_" mom would keep telling me.

I laugh at Jeremy, "You look cute too, Ky."

Rachel walks up to us wearing this spicy dress. I think it's a little too spicy for church, "Thanks to the wonderfulness of me." Rachel says smiling.

I roll my eyes, smiling, "You're so conceded."

"And what? You're not?"

I smirk, "Well, look at me."

Rachel scoffs, "You look just like me!"

I lift my index finger up and wave it from left to right, "No, no, no. I'm older so you look like me."

Kyla laughs, "By like two minutes!"

I put my hand down, "I'm still older."

She laughs, "You are such an idiot."

I smile, "And you're such a cutie."

"Thank you." she smiles.

"Only because you look like me." I say trying to knock her down a peg or two.

She rolls her eyes giggling and walks back to the bathroom. Kyla's still laughing, "I love you guys."

I watch her walk away then I look at Kyla, "I know."

Hunter comes out of his room and stops dead in his tracks when he sees, "Ky-Kyla. You-you-you l-lo-look--" he stutters.

I smile and laugh and put my hand on his shoulder but look at Kyla, "I think what he's trying to say is you look great."

He nods as Kyla laughs, "Well, thank you, Hunter. You don't look half bad yourself."

He smiles stupidly and I laugh, "I guess he means thank you."

Me and Kyla laugh as my mom walks up the stairs. She looks at everyone and smiles. She gets to me and looks me up and down, "You couldn't have worn a skirt or dress, hon?"

I smile, "Well, mom, if you want my cucu-ka-choo showing then I'll go change."

She shakes her head, "No, no, no. Why don't you just borrow one of Rachel's dresses."

Because I don't wanna look like a skank, "How bout I just don't go, hmm? Sound good?"

My mom sighs, "Fine. Can you at least take out those piercings?"

I shake my head, "Uh, no."

She sighs again, "Okay." she looks around, "Where's Jeremy and Rachel?"

"Right here, mom." Rachel says walking out of the bathroom just in time. Jeremy shows up, too. "Okay, we're all ready to go."

"Is dad coming?" Hunter asks.

Mom shakes her head, "No. He has work to do." mom says coldly.

Kyla chimes in, "Thanks for letting me tag along, Mrs. Rowe."

Mom waves her hand in front of her face, "No problem, we're glad to have you and call me Karen."

Kyla smiles and nods, "Thanks, Karen."

Mom smiles and nods then claps her hands together, "Okay. So We're gonna take two cars, there's no point in wasting gas. The boys will ride with me and the girls will ride with Roxy."

"What?" Hunter says, "How come I can't drive?"

"Well, after you skipping school today, I'm kinda pissed off at you so you're riding with me."

Hunter rolls his eyes, "Mom, they had a sell at Pac Sun, I had to--"

Mom shakes her head, "I don't want to hear it. You know school is more important than some sell."

"Except for the semiannual Victoria's Secret sales." Rachel says in a whisper making me and Kyla seem like we're crazy when we laugh.

"Alright, let's go." I guess she didn't hear Rachel. We all follow behind mom while going down the stairs. She stops when we get to the bottom, "Oh and um, Spencer's coming with us. Her family's busy but her mom still wants her to go so she's riding with you Roxy." my mom says then walks into the kitchen.

I walk to the front door, "Great."

Kyla bites the left side of her lip as she walks up to me, "Now you'll get to talk to her."

I roll my eyes, "Who said I wanted to?" Kyla shrugs and I continue talking as I open the door, "If she hates me then let her hate me for a while. Some people need to be angry every once in a--"

Spencer appears as I open the door. She looks like she was getting ready to ring the doorbell, "Hey," she says quietly, "Your mom tell you I was riding with you?" she says in a whisper.

I nod, "Yeah, we were just leaving." Spencer nods and we look at each other for the next minute, not saying anything. I walk past her to my truck, leaving her to talk to Kyla and Rachel. As I walk to my truck I unzip my purse and take the keys out. I use the keychain to unlock the car then get in. I turn the truck on and plug my iPod in. I got a personal jack made for my iPod. I scroll on the iPod until I find my playlist I put it on shuffle. The first song that plays is 'When It Rains' by Paramore and it reminds me of what I totally can't have right now.

I sit in the car blasting Paramore. The songs that played, in order, were: 'Born For This', That's What You Get' and 'crushcrushcrush'. Hmm, all my favorites. I stay in the car until everyone finally comes out, which was about ten minutes after Spencer came.

Rachel gets in the front seat and Kyla and Spencer sit in the back, "Alright we're ready to go."

"Are you sure? No, one has to tinkle right?" I say looking at Rachel. She smiles and rolls her eyes; I back out. As I look behind me, I can see Spencer out the corner of my eye and she's just staring at me… creep. "Anybody know where the church is because I know I don't?" I ask before pulling completely out of the driveway.

"Uh, yeah I do. When you pull out start going left. " Rachel says.

I nod and pull out, "Off to burn!" I say heroically. We laugh all the way to church, mainly about bursting into flames when we step foot on holy ground. And about Rachel going to hell for hitting on the hot, young priest.

We arrive at church and we all check ourselves in the mirrors before getting out. We meet up with my mom and the boys so we can walk in as a big, happy family. Spencer still doesn't say a word to me. Like Spencer and Jeremy I sit in the very back of the church. About twenty minutes into the service I start to doze off. I mean, honestly who knew that these people could talk about a… thing for so long. I look over to see how Spencer's holding up; she's across from my pew. And, wow, the devil herself, showed up. Can she do that?

Ashley sees me staring at them and she narrows her eyes at me and turns her head slowly back to Spencer. I roll my eyes but keep on watching. Ashley places her hand on Spencer's hand, which is laying in the middle of the two of them. Spencer moves her hand quickly and reaches for a bible to avoid touching Ashley's hand. I assume she still hasn't told Ashley about kissing Carmen because if she did I'm sure Ashley would be somewhere getting sloshed. That's exactly what I should be doing. I stop looking at them and lay my head back on the wall.

Before I know it service is over and Jeremy is shaking me to wake up. I open my eyes then look around to see everyone moving toward the door. I stand up to walk behind them, I was never a follower but there's a first time for everything. These people walk extremely slow, it's like a turtle race. I look at the old lady walking in front of my pew, she's walking at a steady pace of one step per minute. I guess I'm giving a face because Jeremy snickers. I look at him, "What?" I whisper.

He whispers back, "The look you're giving that lady is hilarious."

I smile and roll my eyes. She still isn't even halfway past my pew yet. I sit down and Jeremy sits next to me. "Wanna play rock, paper, scissors? We're gonna be here for a while."

He yawns which makes me yawn, "Yeah, let's do it."

We play at least sixty games of rock, paper, scissors before Hunter comes over with Kyla and Rachel, "You guys ready to go?"

We finish our last game and he wins, "I still kicked you a--"

Kyla finishes my sentence, "Ambidextrous butt."

Oh we're in a church, right. "Sure, I was gonna say that." I say standing up and Jeremy does the same.

"I know you were. That's why I finished your sentence." Kyla says smiling.

I smile then look around her and Hunter, "Where's mom?"

"She said that she'll be home later. She's gonna talk with Mr. Clark."

I nod, "Okay, so that means that Hunter's driving now?" I ask looking at my feet then at Hunter.

Hunter nods and slowly dangles the keys in my face, "I get to drive the Bentley."

I snatch the keys, "Now I get to drive it, jerk."

Kyla, Rachel and Jeremy laugh, "Hey."

I toss the keys back at him, "I like my car better. And plus I wanna see how much trouble you get in for crashing it." I look at Jeremy, "Make sure to wear your seatbelt." Jeremy smiles.

Hunter smiles, "Ha-ha-ha. Not funny. I'm not gonna crash it."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever. Can we go now? I'm feeling very hot."

Rachel laughs, "I thought it was just me, yeah, let's get the heck out of here."

We all laugh and walk outside. The Bentley's parked next to my truck so we sit there and talk for the next ten minutes.

I walk to the driver's side door of my car, "Okay, it's getting late and I have a stupid exam tomorrow so whoever's riding with me better shake a tail feather."

"I'm sleeping over at Kyla's tonight so Hunter's gonna drop me off when he drops Kyla off." Rachel says, "Love you." she says blowing me a kiss.

I pretend to grab the kiss from the air and put in my pocket. Kyla whispers something to Jeremy, "I'm gonna hang out with Hunter for a little while longer, He'll take me home." Jeremy says.

It was pretty obvious that Kyla whispered to Jeremy that Spencer and I need some alone time… broad. Spencer looks at me, "I guess it's just you and me." she says weakly from the other side of my car.

"Looks like." I sigh and open my door. "Bye guys. See you tomorrow." I wave at them then get in and shut my door.

Spencer gets in shortly after I close my door; she closes her door. I start the engine and head home. We stop at a stoplight and I take this opportunity to change the song. I change it to Mayday Parade's When I Get Home You're So Dead.

Spencer clears her throat as the light turns green again, "Listen, I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "There's no need, forget about it."

I can see her shaking her head out of my peripheral vision, "No, I should've never said anything that I said."

I sigh, "I should've never said anything that I said. It's none of my business."

"Yes, in a way it is. I mean you're like my best friend now…"

I smile, "Okay but still. You need someone to help you with your problems not add on to them and that's exactly what I was doing."

She sighs, "Can we please forget it?" Spencer says.

I nod my head, "Of course." I look at her, "It never happened." I look at the road.

She smiles, "Good." She wait's a good ten seconds to ask me another question, "Do you really think I'm playing with Ashley's emotions?"

I nod slowly, "Yeah."

She looks down at her lap, "I don't try to."

"I know. You're not that kinda girl."

She still looks down, "Apparently I am, because I'm doing it right?"

I sigh, "Just stop making her think that she has a chance."

Spencer looks at me quick so quick that I barely finished my sentence, "She does have a chance. I'm still in love with her."

"Spencer, you know you can't have both Carmen and Ashley." I tell her the truth.

"I could… if I was a bitch." Spencer says.

I shake my head, "Too bad you can't ever be that."

She looks out the window, "Yeah, too bad."

She is so depressing. At least she's in love with someone that lives in her town. Maybe now's the perfect time to tell her about Lily. I wait until we pull up into my driveway which took all of ten minutes. Spencer doesn't move to get out of the car when I pull in so I guess it's a great time. "Lily Anderson." I say plain and simple. I take off my seatbelt and wait for Spencer to respond.

She looks at me and takes of her seatbelt, too. "Who?" she says confused.

I turn down the radio, "Do you remember her?"

Spencer tries to think of her, "No…" she pauses, "Unless she was a cheerleader." I nod my head, "What about her?"

I give a little smile, "Love of my life."

Spencer gives me an 'are you serious' look, "She's gay?"

I smile bigger, "Yeah."

Spencer raises her eyebrows and leans her back against the door, "Wow, I never would've guessed."

I shake my head, smiling, "Neither did I."

She leans in a bit closer to me; interested, "So you went out with her? When?"

I bite the right side of my lip, playing with my piercing, "Two years ago. A little while after you left."

"So do you still talk to her?" Spencer asks.

"Yep. I talked to her before I came to church." I smile big.

"Do you still like her?"

"Yes or I wouldn't be still going out with her after two years."

Spencer's mouth drops, "You guys have been going out ever since I left?!" Spencer says astonished.

I laugh, "Yeah, with problems here and there but who doesn't have problems."

"You're together right now. I mean, like, right now, as we speak?"


	6. I do

I scrunch my face up, "I don't really know. I mean we didn't say we were breaking up and we're not seeing other people."

"You might wanna figure that out." I nod in agreement with her, "But, wow, I cant believe it. So how long after I left?"

I try to think of the exact day we started going out for sure, "I think… August 31st."

"That is definitely a long time to be with someone."

She thinks I don't know that, "Duh." I laugh.

She smiles but stops, "I wanna ask you a question, promise me you'll answer honestly and you won't get mad."

"I…" I pause to think about what I'm promising to. I have a very bad temper, "promise." I finish.

She doesn't hesitate to ask me, "Why didn't you do anything when I left?"

"What was I suppose to do? Hop on the front of the plane?" I try to joke; it doesn't work.

-----------------------------------------------

**Spencer sits down next to me on the bench. I don't know why she even brought here. Maybe she'll pop the question, I mean this place is beautiful… kidding. "Hey." She says giving me a sad smile.**

**I tilt my chin up at her, "Hey." she doesn't say anything… she just looks at me, "What do you want?" I say not trying to be completely rude but I need to see how Lily's doing.**

"**Oh yeah," she chuckles weakly, "Um, I wanna tell you something." confess your love for me, Spencer. I've been waiting for this moment.**

**I nod, "Okay." I start smiling.**

**She smiles sadly, "I'm moving. To L.A." **

**Did my heart just break into billions of pieces? No, better yet, I think it shattered. "Oh," the smile falls off of my face, "For how long?"**

**She looks down at the ground, "When I can come back on my own."**

**I nod, "That sucks, we could've turned Ohio upside down." I smile weakly at my hands then look at her.**

**She looks up at me, "This more than sucks. There's not a word for this. I'm gonna miss you guys so much." She wraps her arms around me. I slowly but surely wrap my arms around her. My eyes begin to gloss over so I stop hugging her.**

"**Yeah," I chuckle nervously. My pocket starts to vibrate so I take my cell out and look at the screen. It says I got a text so I go look in my inbox. "Can you come over now? I feel like I'm gonna die." I nod at the phone then close it and put it back in my pocket. "Listen, I gotta go okay?" I stand up.**

"**Who was that?" Spencer asks standing up.**

**I move the bangs out of my face, "Some--something really important came up. Call me later, okay? We'll hang out for sure before you leave."**

**Spencer nods sadly, "Okay…"**

**I put on a fake smile then walk away…**

**-----------------------------------**

"No, but you went totally dead after I told you. It kinda seemed like you didn't care." Spencer says, I can tell she was hurt.

I sigh, "Of course I cared. I had a huge crush on you and I think my world completely caved in when you told me that. I've always had the idea that if you shut it out it can't faze you."

"Did that work?" Spencer says.

I shake my head, "Nope. I think that's when I started becoming the bitch I am today."

She smiles, "So you had a crush on me?"

I nod, "Yeah, but Spencer Carlin was nowhere near queer." I joke with her.

"I had feelings for you. I just didn't want to accept them." I bite by lip again, "But I'm getting better, way better, at accepting my feelings for Ashley."

I smile, "Good."

"So… who was it?"

"Huh? Who was what?"

She smiles, "That text you got before you dashed off."

"Oh," I remember what she's talking about, "It was Lily."

"You were going with her then?"

I shake my head, "No. Her grandpa was sick and then he died after you left and they were really close and… I tried to help her."

"So shortly after her grandpa died you swooped in and started taking care of her?"

I scoff with a smile, "Ha, no. She took care of me. I mean yeah I tried my best to help her with her grandpa but that was pretty hard with my mom on my ass and everything else."

"What's everything else?"

I roll my neck around and close my eyes, "Everyone finding out that I was gay, my dad cheating on my mom, me getting arrested…"

"You got arrested? Your dad cheated on your mom?" Spencer says screaming at me. She's got some lungs on her.

I open one of my eyes to peep at Spencer because I think there's gonna be more screaming, "Yes." I say weakly.

"Are you kidding? What else don't I know about you? Why'd you get arrested?" she asks placing her hand on top of her head.

I inch down in my seat, "Fighting."

"Who?"

"Lily's mom…" I mumble.

"Lily's mom, Roxy? Lily's mom? W-Why?"

I sit up straight, "She pulled my hair!"

Spencer puts her hand over her mouth then removes it, "So you hit her. Did you punch her in her face?"

I shake my head, "No, I pushed her and she hit her arm on a doorknob or something like that."

"Why'd you push her anyway?"

I roll my eyes, "I was simply trying to be a nice person. I mean I knew Lily's mom never really liked me so me having the guts to even walk into her house and tell her that I was in love with her daughter was a pretty big step."

"Well, what caused you to push her?"

I think back to that day…

**---------------------------------------------**

**I knock on the door and ring the doorbell. Mrs. Anderson answers the door, "Hello Mrs. Anderson."**

**She gives me mean smile, "Lily's not here."**

**I think I know that, broad, it's like three o'clock. She's at cheerleading practice… I know more about your daughter than you do and that's basically why I'm here… bitch. Ugh I wish I would've said that to her, "I know. I actually came to talk to you."**

**Mrs. Anderson looks confused, "About what?"**

**She better sit down for this. She doesn't even know I'm gay, she hates me because I'm me. "Can I come in?" I ask pointing inside at the couch.**

**She nods then backs up to let me in, "Sure."**

**I walk in then go over to the couch to sit; she sits in the chair and I sit in the loveseats. And how is this a loveseat, all I feel is hate, maybe I'm sitting in them wrong. "I need to tell you something." She nods. She then crosses her legs, right over left while placing her left hand on top of her right leg. I clear my throat and look down at my sweaty palms. I don't know why I'm doing this, actually, I do. So when I'm with Lily I can feel like I'm actually in a relationship so we don't have to hide. "I love your daughter." Plain and simple.**

"**I love my daughter, too. What are you getting at?"**

**She's so dense, "No, I guess what I meant to say was that I'm ****in**** love with your daughter."**

**I stare at her intensely and I notice that her color is changing. I think she's turning into Satan , "I don't understand."**

**I roll my eyes, "Look, I am in love with your daughter and I want to be with her." She just stares at me. Awkward, "I'm gay."**

**She stands up and I stand up just as quickly, "Well, my daughter is not." she looks me right in the eyes, maybe that's why what she just said hurts so much.**

**I tug at my skirt while biting my lip, "Okay but whatever she is, she loves me."**

**She chuckles nervously, "No, I said Lily's not gay."**

"**Well, maybe she's bi or maybe she doesn't care who she falls in love with," I point at myself, "By the way that's me."**

**She shakes her head, "No."**

**I nod, "Yes." she is pretty damn dense and she's making me pretty damn angry.**

"**Get out of my house." she points to the door.**

**I roll my eyes and place all the pressure on my right foot, "Me leaving is not gonna make our feelings for each other go away. And I will always love her, like it or not."**

"**I don't like it."**

**I shake my head, "That doesn't matter, it's not about you. It's about Lily, and what she wants. And I think as of right now she wants me." I raise my voice to her.**

**She gasps, appalled, "You will not raise your voice to me in my own house."**

"**Maybe that's what it takes to get you to understand the facts." I cross my arms as I look down and close my eyes. I open them to look back to Mrs. Anderson; she's still speechless. I walk past her, to the door. She follows closely behind me, still not saying anything. I touch the doorknob but look behind me at her, "You know, you're really failing the 'I love my daughter' test right now." I scoff, "I know Lily way better than you think you do." I turn back to the door and begin to pull the knob until Mrs. Anderson takes it upon her self to pull my hair.**

**She yanks at it and I feel like my skin could come off so I push her away from me, that's called self defense. I push her into a door by mistake.**

**She screams after her body collides with the door, "Richard!" she calls her husband's name. He comes running down the stairs and stops to look at the situation. I roll my eyes because I know how this looks. It says that a teenage delinquent took her anger out on a rich housewife…**

**----------------------------------------------**

I continue to tell Spencer the story, "And Richard held me there until the cops came. Longer story short, I got arrested for abuse or something along those lines and she got nothing but a bruise that lasts for maybe a day." I sigh.

Spencer stares in disbelief, "Wow, Mrs. Anderson did all that?"

I laugh, "Yep. And after that my mom decided that I should go to a de-gay camp because all my problems stem from being gay; not from having her as a mom. So if I stopped being gay then I would be her perfect little angel." I roll my eyes, "Yeah, right."

"I still can't believe they did that… arrested you."

I scoff, "Do you want me to show you my record? My mom has a copy of it."

She laughs, "No. You've been through so much… I didn't even know."

I shrug, "I don't like to tell people my whole life story, it takes forever to explain."

She nods, "And all that happened within two years."

I sigh, "Yep. I wonder what this year holds for me. Maybe going down to Cabo and getting herpes or something?"

She laughs, "Ashley always wanted to go to Cabo… with me."

"Then you should go."

"But we're not to--"

"Blah, blah, blah. You're not together. She knows that, you know that and I know that, now, what's you point?"

"Go away with her when we're not going out?" Spencer asks like it's the most unheard thing.

I shake my head and scoff, "You can go anywhere with her. She's your friend, I mean, it's not the most unheard of thing. Just tell her not to expect anything. It's simple, Spence: don't do anything you don't want to do."

"I just don't want to led her on." Spencer says sadly.

"Well, it's for you to decide, Spencer. No one can make that decision. It's apparent that Ashley made her decision between you and Aiden."

"No, it's not."

"Are you kidding me? Spence, I'm sure she's not following Aiden around, especially to church. And I'm pretty positive that she's not trying to become friends with her enemy for Aiden." I sigh, "And I'm pretty sure she's not in love with him either. She does all those things for you."

Spencer smiles and nods, "But for how long will she be doing that?"

"Ashley seems pretty persistent so probably till the end of time."

Spencer smiles then yawns. She looks at her wristwatch, "I think it's time I headed home."

I unlock the doors, "Yeah, I do have an exam tomorrow and I might actually take it if that asshole isn't trying to look up my skirt this time."

Spencer laughs as she open her door. I get out of the car and shut the door; Spencer does the same, "Then don't wear a skirt."

I make a disgusted sound, "But I look hot."

She shakes her head and starts walking to her house, "See you in the morning."

I smile, "Who said I was giving you a ride in the morning?"

She keeps on walking to her house and just waves to me backward. I shake my head then walk to my front door. I make sure my car is locked by pressing down on my key chain. It's locked so I continue to my door. I would usually ring the doorbell to get in but considering that no ones home, I open the door with my key.

As I close the door behind me my cell vibrates. I close and lock the door before answering it, "Yeah?" I say not really paying attention.

"Is that how you answer your phone all the time?" the voice asks.

I walk up the stairs, smiling, "Depends on who's calling."

"You answer the phone like that when I call you? What a jerk."

I laugh, "I'm just kidding, you know I love you."

"You better."

"Well, I do. So what are you doing Lily pad?" I ask walking into my room.

I hear her rustling in her background, "I'm drawing a picture."

She draws such pretty pictures. She always scans them to her computer and sends them to me. I remember this one picture she drew of me… it was beautiful. Not just because it was me but the colors she used, the shading, it all made a difference, "What are you drawing now?" I kick off my shoes and fall back on my bed with my eyes closed.

"It's a hummingbird. It's a tattoo that I wanna get."

I gasp, "Cheerleader with a tattoo? That's so taboo. Hey, that rhymed." I say jokingly.

She laughs, "Shut up."

"So if you're a cheerleader than it has to be a tramp stamp, right?" I say as I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling.

"No. I don't even like those."

"I do." I smile.

"Of course you do. All bad girls do but that doesn't mean I'm getting one for you." she says.

I crawl up to the top of my bed, "Fine then. You know, Ashley has one."

"So you're checking her out now? I thought she was like your rival." Lily says playfully.

I shake my head, "She can't be my rival, we're not fighting over anything."

The rustling noise in the background stops so I assume she stop drawing, "Yes, you are. Apparently, you're fighting over Spencer's affections."

I roll my eyes, "Oh, yeah I sure want Spencer." I say sarcastically.

She giggles, "So have you talked to her yet?"

"Yeah, she came to church with us and I drove her there and back. We talked."

"So you made up?" she says slowly.

I chuckle, "Yeah. We talked about almost everything. She knows why I was distant before she left. I told her how I got arrested because of your mom. And she now knows that you're gay so if you wanted to keep that a secret from her then oops my bad." I laugh.

She laughs weakly, "She didn't know I was gay before? Did you not tell her that we are going out?"

I nod, "Yeah, I told her. I told that we've been going out for the past two years."

"So, wait," she pauses, "You didn't tell her that you had a girlfriend when you first moved up there?"

I shake my head confused, what is she getting so worked up about, "Uh, no. It wasn't anyone's business."

"Well, you make it everyone's business. I mean you basically advertise that you're gay to the entire world."

"What the hell? What do you want me to do? Go back in the closet." I say getting kind of angry on top of being completely confused.

"No, I'm just saying… you didn't tell anyone you had a girlfriend when you moved up there."

"So… what? It's no one's business but yours and mine." I say standing up and walking over to my drawer to grab some pajamas.

"So, it sounds like you were leaving your options open."

"For who? I want you and only you, I thought I made that clear by saying I love you."

She sighs, "Well, then why didn't you tell Spencer?"

"It never came up in a conversation." I say digging through my drawers, looking for a tank top and a pair of shorts.

"How does that not come up in a conversation? I don't believe that."

I scoff, "Well, fuck, don't. It's not my mission to make you believe me, it's either you trust me or don't, damn."

"Don't cuss at me, Roxy."

I sigh, "I'm sorry. But I, honestly, don't get what you're so mad about."

"I'm not mad, just upset and I'm upset because I feel like you're keeping me in the closet…" she trails off.

"What? Me, keeping you in the closet? I'm not keeping you in the closet, hell, I'm the one that brought you out of the closet."

"I'm not even talking about _that_, Roxy. I feel like… you just keep me to yourself, like, you can flirt with all the pretty people up there. Like those guys at Starbucks--"

"What the fuck do you want me to do? Wear a shirt that says I'm gay… With my girlfriend LILY JANE ANDERSON."

She scoffs, "No."

"Well, what do you want from me, Lily?" I ask sagging my shoulders and falling on my knees in front of the drawer.

"I want you here with me." she says simply.

"We both know I can't do that so get over it." I say angrily.

"What's up with you?" she asks like she doesn't know.

"Ugh, you just doubted my love for you then you accuse me of not caring for you. It's kinda fucked up."

"Well, so is you fucking cursing at me. I don't need this right now." she says just as angry as I feel.

I roll my eyes, "Oh, wow is this gonna mess up that cool routine you were working out with the squad? I am so sorry, Lily. Well, here let me help you out. Clap, clap, clap, twirl, clap, jump, scream, simple?" I say sarcastically, "Oh and clap some more."

I hear her sniffle, "You are such a bitch."

"Now you're crying, huh? I guess I'm just the worst girlfriend in the world, right now." I stand up and throw the clothes, that I had in my hand, to the floor.

"No, because you're not even my girlfriend right now. I don't know who you are."

I roll my eyes and pace around my room yelling at her, "Perfect. You're gonna break up with me because I made fun of your stupid cheerleading."

She raises her voice at the same level I do, "No! You always do this when we get into a fight. You talk about cheerleading like it's nothing."

"Well it is nothing..." i say angrily.

* * *

a/n: so my birthday's on tuesday... seventeen years old... i can buy my first R rated movie yes! resident evil 3 here i come :)

so tell me what you think about it. Roxy is pretty sarcastic, i guess there's a little of me in there.

well tell me waht you think, i'll post more on my B-day if i get enough reviews.


	7. Someone stop this song

I stop in my tracks, "It is nothing. It's not even a real sport. It's just something to keep the stupid girls busy." I throw my head back and place my hand over my forehead, regretting the words I said.

There's silence on the phone. She talks lower than she was before, "It's my life, okay? It's what I do… it keeps me from thinking about you for a while. And that moment doesn't seem to last long enough."

I try to apologize, "Lily, I--"

"Don't even. You're entitled to your opinion. And I if I was breaking up with you, it would be because you think the stupidest shit." She says softly but full of anger.

"Just because I said something about cheerleading? C'mon, it's not that--"

She interrupts me, "No. Not because of what you think of me cheerleading. Because you thought that just because you moved… we wouldn't be together." She sighs, "You took moving as a free ticket out of our relationship."

"I did not." I say unsure.

"Yes, you did. You don't have to admit anything to me. I already know."

I sigh and sit on my bed, "Listen, I didn't know what to do. I mean we came up here and everything changed. I can't help what happened."

She sniffles once more, "No, you can't. And neither can I, I guess I'm just mad at the distance and I don't know if I can keep doing this with you."

"What, being with me?"

"No. Fighting with you. I mean, when we got into a fight, you'd just sneak into my room and apologize and just sleep with me and hold me and… you were just sweet. But now, I feel like we're starting to hate each other…and what are you gonna do now that you can't come over, call me? It's not the same."

I fall back onto my bed, looking at the ceiling, "If I could be there then you know I would…"

"Actually, I don't know anything at this point." She pauses and waits for me to respond, I guess. She ends the silence, "I gotta go. I love you. Bye." she hangs up the phone before I can even say anything back.

I think about throwing the phone but I decide to call her back; she doesn't answer. Now I toss the phone against the wall. It looks like it breaks, in slow motion, into so many tiny pieces. I stare at the mess and start to get angry and purse my lips. I stand up and clench both my right and left fists. I look at myself in the mirror. Thoughts start running through my head.

_How can you treat her like that? Did you try to hurt her? Are you sure you love her? What's your problem, cant you see that she loves you more than you love her? Why didn't you just tell anyone about her? It kinda did seem like you were keeping that part of your life, her, a secret from everyone…_

That's the last thought I think before aiming my right fist for my mirror self. Hit and miss. My fist remains in the, now broken, mirror. After staring at it I pull it out slowly, the glass tearing my skin as I pull my fist out. I look at my knuckles and try to bend them, oh, god, they hurt so bad but I don't cry and I don't wince; I just stare. I see the shards of glass sticking out of my fingers and knuckles but I'm still in no hurry to move.

My door swings open, fast, but I don't bother to look. Jeremy steps in front of me looking from the mirror to me. Mirror. Me. Mirror. Me. He notices the blank look at my face and he starts to shake me, "Roxy, what did you do?"

I look up at him and reply with a snide comment, "I think it's quite obvious." I smile.

He doesn't smile, he just stares. What's the big deal? He grabs my left arm and pulls me out of my room, into the bathroom. He puts the toilet seat down and sits me there. Then opens the medicine cabinet and I assume he's looking for a medical kit. "Everything's okay, Rox." he says to me.

I nod and my eyes suddenly become heavy with sleep.

"Thank you, Jeremy. I love y…" I say slowly while failing to sleep…

I wake up from the pain of my hand. It hurts so bad. I take my right hand from under the sheets and look at the damage I did. I'm surprised because it's wrapped in white bandages. Jeremy must have done it last night. Did I pass out last night?

I sit up then place my feet on the floor. I blink three times before looking at the clock, It's 6:00. I roll my head around then stand up and stretch. I don't think I can take a shower with this bandage on my hand so I guess I better just take a wash off. I walk over to my dresser and take a pair of black panties and a bra out. I sluggishly walk to the bathroom, no one's in there.

I spend the next fifteen minutes trying to use one hand to wash myself off. It takes me about six minutes to brush my teeth and wash my face.

I walk out of the bathroom, in my underwear, with the clothes that I took off in my left hand. Someone wolf whistles, "I should totally come over here every morning if this always happens." I stop in front of my door and look over at the whistler, it would be Aiden. He directs his attention to my hand, "Whoa, what happened?"

I roll my eyes, "Nothing you need to worry about." I walk into my room and close the door behind me. I actually lock it this time.

I walk slowly to my bed and sit down, looking all around my room. I look at where my mirror should be… it's not there. It doesn't matter I have a long mirror to check myself out in. I walk over to my closet and sigh because I don't really care what I wear today. I just pull at anything in my closet. My prizes are: blue jeans and a white shirt with music notes all over it, whoopee.

I put on the jeans first then the shirt. The jeans are a little bit loose but who am I trying to impress really? I spray on my perfume then look at myself in the long mirror. I don't feel like putting on make up, there's no reason to really. I mean I know that Lily would never see how good I look while I'm all the way in Hollywood, as she called it, but I always thought that she would surprise me… that was stupid.

Someone knocks at my door, "Who the fuck is it?" I say angrily.

"It's Spencer." her voice comes through the door in muffles.

I walk over to the door and unlock it then sit on the floor in front of the long mirror, "It's open."

Spencer walks in. She walks up behind me. She's wearing a jean skirt with a black polo and her hair is down, I always thought she looked prettier with it down. "Hey." she says giving me a smile.

"Hey." I say not returning the smile.

She sits on the bed then crosses her legs, "Are you okay?"

I shrug and still look at the mirror, with all of what happened last night running through my head. Did we break up or not? If we did then I should totally kiss Spencer. And if we didn't then I should kiss Spencer just to make her mad. I roll my eyes at myself for thinking such horrible thoughts. I love her, I could never do that… intentionally.

Spencer notices my hand and sits next to me while grabbing it, "What happened to your hand?"

I stand up, "I ran into a wall." I say sarcastically, put on my book bag, "Are you ready to go?" I ask dully.

She stands up looking confused, "Yeah… I guess."

"Let's go." I walk out of my door and Spencer follows behind me. Hunter and Aiden stand at the top of the stairs.

"Hey, Roxy." Hunter says looking at me and then my hand, "What happened?"

I roll my eyes, "Why does everyone keep asking me that? It's not important."

"Obviously, it's important. I mean, you have on a ace bandage." Aiden says.

I narrow my eyes at Aiden, "I am none of your business. Go shove your pen--"

Hunter interrupts, "Roxy, what's your problem?"

I roll my eyes and push through Aiden and Hunter, "Go to hell." I stomp down the stairs then walk into the kitchen to grab a drink. Spencer comes in frowning at me as I open the fridge door.

"What is up with you?" Spencer asks angrily.

I grab a Snapple®, "Nothing." I close the door and look at her.

She studies me, "You're such a liar." Spencer says.

I open the Snapple® then shrug, "I guess so."

She scoffs, "Why are you acting like this?"

I take a sip of my drink, "I feel like it."

Spencer rolls her eyes. So that's the end of the conversation.

I walk out of the front door and Spencer follows me, angrily. I unlock my car and we hop in. I pull out the of the driveway and start driving to school.

After ten minutes of silence, my phone rings. I answer, "Hello."

"What did you do?" the voice says.

I make a confused face and Spencer notices, "Who is this? It's like six something in the morning and you're already calling to bitch me out." I ask.

"This is Miranda."

I nod because I know who she is, "And why are you calling?"

"Because Lily came over to my house late last night, crying her eyes out."

I roll my eyes, "What's your point?"

"It's your fault." she says quickly.

"Okay, whatever. And how does this involve you?" I mean Miranda is pretty cool but all this pain that I'm feeling has to be taken out on someone.

"Because I'm a better friend to her than you are a girlfriend."

"Fuck you." I hang up the phone and toss it in my coaster.

"Who was that?" Spencer asks.

I explode on Spencer, "None of your business. Leave me alone right now. Don't you have Ashley-Carmen problems to solve?"

Spencer says sympathetically, "I'm just trying to figure out what's up with my friend."

I roll my eyes and pull into the parking lot, "Your friend just wants to be alone right now. Do you understand that? I know you're smart."

Spencer looks at me disgusted, "I don't know why you're being so mean to me, I didn't do anything to--"

I interrupt, "You're all in my business. Maybe there's certain things that you don't need to know. And you have your own problems anyway, right? You can't decide which one you want to screw, huh? Here let me help you. Forget them. Love is a crock."

Spencer's eyes gloss over and I feel like the worst person in the world. She's the second person I made cry in the past twenty-four hours. And I already made her cry before. She just shakes her head at me then gets out of the car, making sure to slam the door behind her.

I don't even care right now, to be completely honest. She can hate me, everyone can hate me. The only person the really matters to me hates me… there's not much else to say.

I look in my glove box for my glasses. I see them and pull my glasses out then put them on. I take my phone out of the drink holder then get out of my car. I walk out of the parking lot, through the courtyard and to my locker. I open it.

I don't feel like doing work, I should just go punch some freshman so I get suspended. So I close my locker and when I do Jeremy's standing there. I look over at him and my eyes slowly tear up, "I'm sorry you had to take care of me."

He shakes his head, "No problem, that's what little brothers are here for."

I shake my head, "No," I swallow hard, "That's suppose to be why big sisters are here. I'm such a screw up."

"No, you're not. You're only human."

I tear slowly rolls down my cheek, "Tell that to Lily because I'm sure she thinks I'm the worst."

He wraps his arms around me and I do the same to him. I cry into his chest which makes his shirt look horrible but he doesn't care. I sit there, in his arms, crying for the next five minutes as people walk by.

I stop crying and he let's go but still has his hands on each of my arms, "Are you okay?"

I wipe my tears away with my glasses on, "No," I chuckle, "My arm fucking hurts, I think I lost my girlfriend last night but I'm too much of jerk to even talk to her. And I made my best friend mad at me… again."

He rubs both of my arms, "Well, look at the bright side."

"And what's that?"

A smile creeps onto his face, "You still have me."

I smile and hug him again. The bell rings so he tells me he has to get to class. As much that I don't wanna, I let him go to class.

I go through the rest of the day not talking to anyone. And it was hard because I didn't even talk to Kyla. I didn't even reply back to one of my teachers with a snide comment. I didn't talk to anyone. Not Spencer. Not Kyla. Not Rachel. Not Hunter. Not anyone. I ate lunch in my car, I sat as far as I could in the back of the classrooms.

By the end of the day, I'm completely in shambles. I don't call Lily back and she doesn't call me. Either she hates me so much that she doesn't want to talk or she loves me so much she doesn't want to talk to me. The next two days continue like this, people asking me what's wrong, me avoiding people and not wearing any make-up. Not even trying.

When the bell rings I go to my car and drive straight home, of course, without talking to anyone. I decide not to do my homework and take a nap. I go to sleep around four and wake up at seven because my phone's ringing.

I turn over on my side and grab my phone, "What?" I say groggily.

"Hey." The voice says on the other side of the phone; it's very small… it's Lily.

"Hey." I say sitting up.

"What's up?" she says.

I sigh, "So we're gonna pretend like everything's normal?"

"No… I was trying to make everything seem normal so it wouldn't be weird for us…"

I roll my eyes, "It's already weird for us." She sighs, "So what are we gonna do?" I ask her. She doesn't respond so I ask again, "Lily, what are we gonna do?" I say raising my voice a little.

"Don't yell at me."

"Well, answer the question."

She sighs, "We're not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Being together, not right now. Not while you are checking out your options in Hollywood."

I scoff, "I'm not checking out anything."

"Okay, well give me a good reason on why you haven't told Kyla anything about us? I mean, you tell her everything… she's like your L.A me."

I can't really come up with a reason, "Don't do that. Don't compare yourself to Kyla."

"Why? Because she's definitely better than me, right?" she asks being completely serious.

"No, because I love you."

"I wish you showed better."

"We went over this, I don't know what I can do to show you I love you." I say growing angry again.

She sighs, "It's not you showing me anything. I think it's just the distance, I guess I can't do this long distance relationship."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever."

She growls, "I'm trying to talk to you and all you can say is whatever. See I don't know how-"

I interrupt her because my emotions have finally overflowed, "We already talked about this. There's nothing I can do. If I could be there then I would and you know I would. You mean the world to me, moving out here was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. This is worst than telling your mom about us-"

She says my name, "Roxy."

"No, no, no. Let me finish. You're like that light at the end of the tunnel. I would literally kill myself without you, I almost did. After we got done talking I punched my mirror and I still have a stupid bandage on it." I laugh at myself, "But please don't leave me I need you. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Maybe-maybe I can run away, back to Ohio. I don't know why I didn't think of this before but I have a car. We could go to Baja, like you wanted, please don't do this. I love you so much, Lily. We need each other, I wanna-"

She cuts me off, "Stop."

"No, I won't stop until I have you. Just think about-"

"I kissed someone else." She says quickly.

* * *

**AN:**dum dum dum ohhh that little skank lol, soo i've been getting alot of positive feed back... thank you. i thought no one would liek it becasue it isnt CENTERED around spashley but i've always thought about the random people that come in contact with them... hmm just me. but i seriously wanna thank everyone for reading, i mean, i was gonna stop this one and focuse on "yeah, well your just a mess" but since you guys are begging me lol just kidding

and to : calilola & quinze85, i have something in store for Lily and Roxy.

blonde gone wild- i'm glad to hear that you're procrastinatin just to read my story, blame me for getting an F lol just kidding. thanks 4 the birthday wishes!

DaleSnail, sammythegreatsockrocker & dawniekey- thanks for loving it, i dont think i'm a very good writer buuuut ur uping my spirits so i'm gonna keep on chugging like the little engine that could... or was it can? i dont remember well blah

xoxo


	8. Dance Gavin Dance

I stop talking.

"Roxy?" she says as I sit there on my bed staring at some random spot on the ceiling. "Roxy, are you still there?"

"I can't believe you. I'm here, almost killing myself because I thought you broke up with me, and you're just having fun." My voice breaks as I speak.

"It wasn't planned it just-"

"Happened?" I finish her sentence.

"Yeah…"

"Whatever. No one ever plans anything anymore." I wait for her to say something; she doesn't. I continue, "I-I-I don't even know what to do. I was honestly planning on running to you." I breathe heavily, "I don't think you understand how angry I am right now but it's being leveled out by this feeling of hurt. I honestly thought that you loved me."

"I do love you." She says loudly.

I say still crying, "No, no you don't. If you did then you wouldn't be kissing someone else."

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"And you gave me such a hard time about not telling anyone. You questioned your love me," I sniff, "I'm so glad I'm not looking at you right now because I would sure as hell punch you right in the face."

She sighs, "I didn't mean to kiss her, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. At all."

"I know but-what you said hurt they other day and Miranda was there and she-"

I laugh, "Miranda? That girl that called me? This is pretty funny, Lily, this is hilarious."

"She called you?"

I scoff, "None of that matters, right now. Break up with me."

"No." her voice breaks.

"I'm not staying with you, either you do it, or I do it."

"I love-"

"Miranda? I'm sure." I inhale, "Leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't call me. Don't I.M me. I don't wanna fucking talk to you, right now. "

"Don't." she says.

I chuckle, "Don't? Yeah, I wish that word was ringing through your head when you were so hurt. Well, here's a word that can ring through your head while you're with Miranda: bye." I hang up the phone. I just got this phone yesterday so I'm not gonna break it.

I simply toss it on the opposite of the bed and lay back down. Yeah, I just broke up with her but I don't feel good at all. This is bullshit. I'm not the best person in the world but do I really deserve this? I sigh and sink back into my bed. I start to cry myself to sleep but quietly.

Someone's sitting on my bed beside me when I finally wake up; Kyla. She's watching T.V and playing with my new cell phone. I roll over to look at her, "What are you doing here?"

She smiles at me, "I'm here to help you out of this rut you're in."

I turn back over, "I'm not in a rut."

Kyla laughs and scoffs, "Yeah, okay. You've looked like crap all week."

I roll my eyes, "Don't you have-"

She cuts me off as I feel her head on my shoulder, "To take care of you? Yes. You're not gonna push me away like you did with Spencer and everyone else this week. I'm gonna stick by you even when you're the biggest ass in the world."

I turn over to look at her and she obviously doesn't know the meaning of personal space. I think about breaking her down but she's looking at me like… I don't know. Like, I could never hurt her so why bother? I sigh and start spilling my guts to her, "She cheated on me after giving me such a hard time about everything."

Kyla starts to rub my head, "You can do better."

I sit up on my right elbow and stare at her, "The thing is, she was the 'better' when I was going out with my ex before her. Maybe it was my fault she cheated on me, I mean, she did go over to Miranda's because I-"

Kyla shakes her head, "No, no. Don't blame yourself."

I sigh and lay my head on Kyla's thigh, "I just feel so weird not being with her."

She starts rubbing my hair, "I can't possibly know how you feel."

And that's all I need to hear.

For the rest of the night Kyla stays with me, I tell her more about me and Lily and we just watch T.V and listen to music. I don't have to impress Kyla, I don't think I deserve to have such a wonderful friend.

Morning comes around and Kyla's waking me up, "Time to wake up little one."

I see Kyla's face smiling at me and, man, I had an idea that she wakes up looking perfect and I was right. I stretch and yawn in my bed, "School's so overrated."

"And so is life but hey look at what we're doing now! Living it!" she says excitedly looking through my closet.

I sit up and stare at her then laugh, "You are so retarded. What are you doing?"

She looks at me and smiles, "Well, I'm gonna borrow some clothes considering I came over in my pajamas last night and I don't think I'm wearing those to school."

I gasp and stand up, "Kyla."

She stops smiling and looks at me wit ha serious face, "What? Something wrong?"

I walk slowly to her and a smile creeps across my face, "We should go to the beach." That has got to be my best plan.

She smiles again, "After school?"

I shake my head, "No, we should skip school and go to the beach."

Kyla laughs, thinking I'm not serious, "Now you sound like Ashley."

"Well, if Ashley thinks the same way I do then she's lucky because I'm hella clever." I say smiling.

"You're kidding. You really wanna go to the beach?"

I nod my head, "Yeah! We have nothing to do in school anyway. I know you don't you never have any work because you're and overachiever." I smirk.

She pushes me lightly, "Shut up, I am not."

"Please, please, please. This'll help me get my mind off of you-know-what." I smile, making her feel guilty.

She sighs, "Fine."

"Yes!" I push her out of the way of my closet, "Let me find my bathing suit."

Kyla snaps her finger, "You wanna take me to my house to pick up this cute bathing suit I bought?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I pull out a black bathing suit with pink skulls all over it, "I have some board shorts to match this." I toss the bathing suit on my bed then grab the board shorts out of my drawer. I toss them on the bed with the bathing suit and stare at it, "Beautiful." I smile.

She shakes her head and laughs, "So are you ready to take me to my house?"

"Calm yourself." I say, "We have all day."

"Wait, don't you start working today, at Pac Sun?" Kyla asks.

I forgot about that, "Yeah but I can take sick day. Technically, I am sick." I smile.

She shakes her head, "No, you're going on your first day."

I roll my eyes, "Yes, mom." I joke and she smiles.

I grab all the stuff I need then sneak out of my house with my swimming stuff. Not that I needed to sneak out but I'm sure Rachel, Hunter and Jeremy would've made a big deal.

Kyla and I drive to her place. She opens the door and we walk in, "Hello in there!" I say yelling, I love hearing my echo.

Kyla closes the door behind me and laughs, "You're such a tard."

I smile and we walk up the stairs, "You should get your own place soon. Don't you have millions of dollars?"

"Yeah, but I don't wanna spend it all on a house, I want something small." Kyla says.

I roll my eyes, "Blah, blah, blah, you're just scared."

She shakes her head as we enter her room, "Well, what would you do with your money?"

I linger in the doorway, "I would put some in the money and then I would buy a house and car."

Kyla laughs as she grabs underwear from one of her drawers, "I'm gonna take a shower. It'll take me a little while."

"We have enough time, take it slow." I smile. She shakes her head then walks into her bathroom. I hear talking coming from behind me. I walk toward the voices and I think they're coming from Ashley's room. I see Spencer and Ashley talking to each other, "Spencer, please. You just spent the night with me."

Spencer shakes her head, "That doesn't mean anything. We're just friends."

I smirk, "Oh-la-la." I say startling Spencer and Ashley.

Ashley stands up quickly and I can see that all she's wearing is a white tank and black panties, "What are you doing here?" Ashley says shooting me a death glare, oh, how I missed those.

I lean in the doorway, "Me and Kyla are going to the beach."

"Don't you have to go to school?" Spencer asks looking sadly at me. This is the first time I've talked to her since we talked that one morning in the car.

"Obviously I don't _have_ to go to school if I'm going to the beach. I'm 18, I can do anything I want."

"Not anything." Ashley says jumping into a pair of pants.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Don't." Spencer says to Ashley.

"I'm talking about treating people the way you do."

I smile, "Me, treating people the way I do? Ashley, you can't talk to me about treating people in any way."

"I can when it comes to Spencer." Ashley says walking closer to me.

I sigh, "When it comes to Spencer? And you think you know everything about her?" I question.

Ashley narrows her eyes at me, "More than you do. You don't even take the time to talk to her anymore."

I throw my hands up, "I can't talk to her now because I have stuff of my own to deal with and Spencer's stuff would only-" I stop talking because I can see the face that Spencer's giving me. She still hasn't told Ashley about kissing Carmen. I look past Ashley and at Spencer, "I'm sorry Spencer but I can't talk to you. I have things going on."

Spencer chimes in, "What things?"

"I-" I decide not to tell her until everything's worked out. I don't wanna cry in front of Spencer or Ashley, "I'll tell you sometime."

Ashley rolls her eyes, "You're such a-"

I roll my eyes right back at her, "Leave me alone, Ashley, I'm likely to knock you the fuck out."

Before Ashley says anything Spencer walks over to her, "I think we should go to school now. I don't wanna be late."

Ashley looks at Spencer and nods, "Fine." Ashley walks to her closet.

Spencer walks to me and pushes me out of the doorway and closes Ashley's door. "Why do you have to start with her?"

I lean on the banister, "I don't start anything with her. She starts with me. You're the one still playing with her emotions, Spence. Either go out with her or don't. Have you kissed Carmen again?"

Spencer looks down, "Yeah."

"Listen, Spencer. It's your life, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I, apparently, can't tell you anything about love." I say.

Spencer shakes her head, "No, no, no. I thought we forgot about that, I'm sorry I said that I-"

I cut her off as I shake my head, "No, Lily and me were going through things. That's why I was such a bitch to you the other day. I felt like I was dying. And on top of that pain there was my hand," I left it up, it's not really hurting right now. "I punched my mirror. You're the only one that knows that. Well, you and Jeremy, I didn't tell Kyla, yet."

Spencer looks at me then wraps her arms around me, "So you guys broke up?"

I wrap my arms around her and whisper in her ear, "Yeah. I told her not to talk to me, period. She cheated on me." Spencer squeezes me tighter, "Please don't tell Ashley." I say.

And I guess when you talk about something, that conjures it up; Ashley opens the door. "Don't tell me what?" she asks.

Me and Spencer stop hugging each other, "Nothing." Spencer says, "Uh, she doesn't want you to know she thinks you looked hot in your panties." Spencer says making up lie… well, it wasn't in my head.

Ashley rolls her eyes, "Your lying."

I open my mouth but Spencer speaks, "Nope. Let's go to school. We're gonna be late." Spencer grabs Ashley by the hand and takes her downstairs. I mouth 'thank you' to her and she smiles and nods.

Just as Spencer and Ashley walk out of the door Kyla comes out of her room with a towel, drying her hair, "Talking to Spencer and Ashley?"

* * *

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;AN::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

hmmmm, yes yes yes, tragedy for Roxy... and you know it'll only get worst for her because... it's Roxy, sorry, Lily and Roxy have quite a bit of hell coming their way. But i promise it'll get better. thanks for reading and 2morrow i will post the 9th chaper for a brthday present to... someone else with my birthday blah blah blah

xoxo


	9. Slip me the vicodin

I look at her, "Yeah. Are you ready to go yet?"

She nods and tosses the towel in her room, "Yep. Let's go to the beach. I think I'm gonna wear my hair wet, I mean it's only gonna get wet, right?"

I smile and nod, "Yeah, that logic is pretty good."

Kyla walks back into her room as I wait at the top of the stairs for her. My phone starts to ring and I contemplate on rather I should answer it or not. I know it won't be my parents. I look at the caller I.D and announce to Kyla, "Mrianda's calling me at 8 o'clock in the morning."

Kyla comes out of her room with her bags, "No way. Answer it."

I nod and smile, "Why are you calling me?"

"Roxy, right?" she asks.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah, you called me before. What do you want? You wanna rub kissing my girlfriend in my face? Go ahead."

"Listen," she pauses, "I'm sorry about that. She was really sad and-"

I don't wanna hear her sob story right now. I already heard it and that was bull, "And so she ran to you and decided to suck face with you? Yeah, that's so what I would've done." I roll my eyes and Kyla just smiles at me.

"It's not even like that, okay?"

I shake my head, "No, it's not okay. And you can tell her that it's not okay. That was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. And when I say that, it must be pretty horrible. And her getting you to call me is kinda immature when you're pretty much the problem. What makes her think that I even wanna talk to you? You of all people?" I say with fire burning in my belly.

"Okay, whatever, fine. I just wanted to call you because I felt that you needed to know…" she trials off.

"Look, I don't care if y'all are going out, there's nothing I can do about-"

She cuts me off, "She got in a car accident last night." I don't say anything, I just stare at Kyla, "She called me and told me that you broke up with her so I told her to come over and talk to me but she started going on about how she shouldn't even see me anymore." She stops once more, "She said she couldn't even look at me because I remind her of you…"

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I feel so bad now but so angry. Angry at this so-called God and mad at myself for being the cause of it all. And I feel even worse knowing that deep down somewhere I hate her for kissing Miranda.

Miranda continues talking, "While I was on the phone with her… she ran into another car. Into the back of it."

I rub my finger over my right brow, "She's gonna be okay right?"

"The doctor says she has a 65 chance of living. And out of that 65 she has a 25 chance of having brain damage."

I get confused, "What does that mean?"

Miranda sighs, "She'll have memory loss. She wouldn't remember us…"

"How long before we know if she's gonna be okay?"

"She's in a coma right now so maybe in five says, a week for sure, the doctor said."

I sigh, "I'm gonna go."

"Hey?" Miranda says.

"What?" I ask feeling, again, like the worst person in the world. I guess I'll always hold that title.

"I'm sorry for-"

"Stop. If you wanna be sorry, be sorry for Lily ever meeting me because that's what I feel sorry for." I close the phone then look down. I stare at Kyla who is looking at me with sympathy.

She places her right hand on my left shoulder, "What's up?"

I look up at her, I don't wanna cry, "I don't wanna cry in front of you again." I say timidly.

She smiles, "That's what I'm here for."

I give her a sad smile, "Lily got into a car accident, she's in a coma. There's a 65 chance of her making it. 25 chance of her making it with memory loss…" I can't bring myself to say anything else.

Kyla starts to rub my arm, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, you can give me a hug." I say with my eyes starting to tear up.

She pulls me into her with both hands and I rest my head on her shoulder, "It's gonna be okay." She says whispering in my ear. I trust her so I don't argue with her.

We decided today wasn't such a good time to go to the beach so we just stayed in until I have to go to work. Kyla thought scary movies would make everything better so she got the brilliant idea of watching the Grudge 2 on the couch, downstairs.

We get about forty minutes into the movie and by that time Kyla had already latched onto my hand a million times. She's sitting up but her legs are on the couch and my head's on her legs. She has her hand resting on my arm while I'm dozing off rubbing her calf. Just a friendly touch.

She squeezes my arm again, "My, god Kyla, I think you're cutting off my circulation, you wimp."

She keeps her eyes on the screen, "This movie is scary, I don't know what you're talking about. That Asian girl would scare the hell out of me."

I smile and laugh, "What the hell? All you have is heaven in you."

"Either that's a compliment or you're insulting me and calling me a goody two shoes." I wait to see what she thinks it is, "It's a compliment."

I laugh and slowly rub her calf. She doesn't say anything, she just stares at the T.V screen. I'm sure Kyla would tell me if I were making her uncomfortable. I'm sure with Ashley and how much of lesbian she is she has no problem with this kinda stuff.

The movie is almost over by now and I'm almost completely sleep and Kyla's completely interested in the movie. The door opens and Ashley walks in the room, "Uh, are you guys on a date or something?"

I roll my eyes and keep on rubbing Kyla's calf, "No."

I see Ashley look at me hand on Kyla's leg, "Are you gay, Kyla? Something you wanna tell me."

Kyla doesn't pay attention until the movie goes off, "What'd you say, Ash?" Kyla says looking over at Ashley.

Ashley shakes her head and walks closer, "Nothing. Why are y'all here? Came back from the beach early?"

"We didn't go." Kyla says rubbing my hair.

Ashley raises her eyebrows, "Okay, seriously, are you gay, Ky?"

Kyla shakes her head, "Shut up, Ash."

Ashley smiles and looks at me, "Don' _you_ have somewhere to be?" she asks trying to be an asshole.

I roll my eyes and sit up, "Yeah. I better go, its almost time for my first day." I smile at Kyla and stand up.

Kyla stands up and hugs me, "Have a good day at work, I might come visit you to see how you're doing."

I wrap my arms around her and then we stop, "Well, I better go before I'm late." I smile then walk to the door.

Before I walk past Ashley, she stops me, "What were you and Spencer talking about? Spencer's a horrible liar."

I shake my head, "Nope. Later." I continue out the door and to my car.

I call Darryl to see if I'm suppose to come in at four still. "Hello, Pac Sun. This is Darryl."

"Hey, Darryl, it's Roxy."

He sounds excited, "Hey, Roxy. What's up? Still coming in today?"

I nod while driving, "Yeah, that's actually why I was calling. I wanted to make sure you still wanted me to work there. I mean it's kinda weird for your first day of work to be on a Wednesday."

He laughs, "Yeah, it is. Sorry if that's an inconvenience but it's so crazy here."

"No, no that's totally okay. I just wanted to make sure I was working still. I really want this job." I say being sincere… big discount and my own money. I'm tired of having to explain to mom why I need to go to a show and why I really want something. Can't she just say yes or no, jesus, put me out of my misery or make me the happiest dame in the world.

"And this job really wants you. You should be a model instead of working _in_ the shop."

I smile because, well, duh, it makes me feel gorgeous, "Thanks, Darryl. But hey, I'll see you when I get there. So do I just where anything?"

"Uh," he pauses to think, "Do you have anything that got from here?"

"Yeah, Yeah." I say. That place is like my life.

He coughs a little, "Well, then just where that. We give you clothes from off the shelves to wear during work."

I smile big as I turn, "All right. I'll see you when I get in okay?"

"Okay, talk to you later kid. Bye."

"Bye." I say then hang up my phone.

This is great. I can do this, I mean, I don't have anything to worry about at school. It's my senior year so I can just slide by.

I make all the necessary turns and stops to get to Pac Sun. And on my way there I couldn't think about anything but Lily. I was just thinking that she was probably listening to this exact song before she got into the car accident. Misery business by Paramore. I'm in the business of making everyone else around me miserable. I don't understand why Kyla insists on hanging out with me. She doesn't, like, like me or anything. But she didn't answer Ashley's question. I shake my head to my stupid thoughts and myself. No, no, Kyla is not queer. But I did think the same about Spencer and look at her now…


	10. I don't know why, i dont know why

I arrive at the mall parking lot. After taking ten minutes to put on my clothes in the car and the drive here, I wind up here at 3:30, which gave me time to spare.

I grab my phone and walk through the mall to Pac sun. On my way there I see a few kids staring at me, like I have something on my face or something. Oh, I do, Its called being hot. Five ghetto boys walk by and they keep staring at me. I roll my eyes playfully and one of them says something to his boys and runs over to me, "Ay, mommy."

I look at him but keep walking, "I don't have any kids so I don't think I can be a mommy, nonetheless your mommy."

"Ah-ha-ha, well, you can be my baby's mamma anytime you want." He smiles.

I roll my eyes, "You have a kid?"

He shakes his head, "Nah, we can make one."

I laugh and stop to look at him, "Does that line ever work?"

He bites his bottom lip. When I'm not moving he is pretty cute but he couldn't handle me. "Depends on who you're asking."

"Well, go take a survey and get back to me, kay?" I smile and turn on my heel to walk past him.

He grabs my arm, "Well, can I get your number or something?"

I close my right eye, "Um, I don't even know you."

He let's go off my arm, "Ain't that the point in calling you."

I shake my head, "Nope but I'm sure you'll see me around if you come here a lot." I smile then start to walk away. I look behind me and of course he's staring at me and grinning.

Okay, so I'm gay but does he really need to know that? He didn't ask, I didn't tell. I don't see a problem with any of that. I wouldn't consider myself bisexual, I mean, guys are hot to me but there's never really a connection with them the way there is with the girls. My mom's still hoping that'll change.

I finally arrive at the store and I see Darryl hanging clothes on the rack, "Hey Darryl."

He turns around and we hug each other, "Hey. You ready to work?" he asks.

I nod my head, "Yep, get me started."

"All right, let's go." He walks me through the place explaining to me what I'm suppose to do. Everything he says is pretty easy stuff: hang up new merchandise, take old merchandise and put it on the clearance rack, blah, blah, blah. It was easy stuff.

Then he introduces me to my co-workers. Will, Asian guy with black hair, he looks about 20. Erin, little framed blonde girl; looks to be 18. And then some girl caught my attention, I gotta say she was pretty hot. Okay, so my ex is in the hospital, on the verge of dying but what am I suppose to do? It's not like I'm making out with her, I just think she's hot. I'm allowed to, right?

Erika's her name. She smiles at me and gives me the once over. She's checking me out, "Hey, I'm gonna be helping you out around here."

I nod, "That's absolutely fine with me."

She giggles, "Well, if you need me I'll be in the back." She smiles and walks away.

I watch her and I guess Darryl saw because he started snapping at me, "Back here."

I shake my head then look at him, "Sorry, she's hot."

He laughs, "Just so you know," he leans into my ear, "We don't care if you fraternize."

I laugh and push him away lightly, "Shut up. All though that might be good."

He smiles and laughs, "All right, get to work."

I walk around the store doing random things like hanging up merchandise, taking merchandise down. While doing all the easy shit my eyes find my way over to Erika. Every time I see her trying to help a customer I walk over and make conversation, just so I could get a closer view of Erika. After working for four hours straight, I decide to take a break and go get something to eat and I ask Erika if she wants to come with; she says yes.

We walk down to Chick-fill-a and grab some delicious grub. We find a booth to sit in and I slowly start off the conversation, "So, how long you been working here?"

She opens her box of nuggets, "Um, about three months give or take a few days."

I nod and chew on a waffle fry, "So it's pretty fun?"

"Yeah, I don't have any complaints."

"So do you ever meet anyone in there?" I ask bluntly.

She takes a sip of her Sprite, "What do you mean?"

I grab one of her nuggets even though I have my own, "Like, do you ever hit on anyone that comes in or does anyone ever hit on you?"

She smiles at me then takes one of my fries, "Yeah, some pretty hot people come in and out."

I smile, "Good." She looks at me, like she wants to ask me a question, "Yes?" I say.

"Oh, sorry, I'm staring. I was just wondering if I could ask you a question."

I shrug, "Go for it."

"Do you like-I mean, are you-"

I cut her off while smiling, "Am I gay?" she nods, "Well, I've gone out with guys and girls so I'm not really sure what I am." I start thinking about Lily, "But, uh, I did just end my two year relationship with my girlfriend."

"I'm sorry." She says like someone just died.

I shake my head, "It's alright. I'm trying to bounce back." I wink at her.

She blushes and looks down at her nuggets, "So when did you end it?" she chews on another nugget and looks me in the eye, still blushing.

"I ended it yesterday. I know that I sound really slutty by saying that I'm gonna bounce back but I'm really not the kind of person to cry about something." I take a sip of my coke.

"No, you don't seem like a slut… at all." I smile at her, "So how'd it end or why? Well, you don't have to tell me I mean I know we just met and all."

"It's alright, I can tell you. She lives in Ohio and that's where I use to live, I moved here like two months ago and it was really weird because I didn't know rather we were together or not." I look down at my food, "I still talked to her like we were going out, but I just felt so disconnected." I clear my throat, "Anyway, we got into this huge fight and we didn't talk to each other for two days and I pretty much bitched out all my friends." I laugh, "When we finally talked I spilled my guts out, I told her that I would runaway to Ohio for her and then she told me she kissed her friend, Miranda. And so I ended it because she accused me of not loving her and other crazy shit like that, blah, blah, blah am I boring you?" I ask her.

"No," she shakes her head fast, "I'm listening. It's interesting."

I laugh, "Okay. So this morning Miranda calls me and I'm thinking it's to tell me her and Lily are going out or she was gonna yell at me for dumping her or something. But, nope, apparently Lily got into a car accident and she's in a coma." Erika gasps, "Yeah, I know. She was on her way to Miranda's house after we broke up and I guess she was just so distraught that she didn't pay attention so she ran into the back of a car. And here I am." I smile.

Erika looks at me with sad eyes, "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I bet you feel horrible. You didn't have to tell my you know."

"Nah, it's fine. It's not a secret. She's in a coma but I think she'll come out of it." I say with the most sincerity in my voice.

"Wow." She says.

I nod, "Yeah, it sucks, but tell me about you." I say trying to change the subject.

"Well, that's a long story."

I sit back in the booth, "I got time."

She smiles and starts from the beginning.

She was born in Florida but moved here when she was 16 and she was completely straight, or atleast she thought, until her best friend kissed her. She went out with her friend until 12th grade then she just wanted to do stuff with people. Um, now she's in college and her parents don't have a clue that she's gay.

I never thought I'd be one of those people to go basically on looks but she doesn't look gay to me. I don't know how gay looks, I know I probably don't look gay to people but hmm oh well. "You're in college? What year are you?" I ask her.

"I'm a freshman what about you?" she asks finishing up her drink and nuggets.

"I'm definitely a senior. Oh hell yes."

She laughs, "You don't look that old."

"I'm a senior in high school." I smile.

"You are? I thought you would've been out of high school, you seem very mature."

I nod, "And by mature what do you mean?"

She blushes, "I don't know… hot." She whispers the last word.

* * *

AN:::::::::::::::::

thankx for all the happy birthday wishes, i am enjoying the seventeen year old life... it's only been one day but so what. lol. ummm hmm i'm getting a kick ass tatto on my wenis[[skin between thumb and index finger of a music note, i'm in love with music lol. anyways mid season of SoN this weekend, i think it's coming back in Feb... yep that's deff. gay. maybe for valentine's day awww sweet. lol

hmmm in a way this chapter is pointless buuuut it wont be for long

xoox


	11. I fight for you this way

I laugh, "Thanks. You're definitely an eye catcher yourself."

She laughs and turns a brighter shade red, "Thanks, I think we should get back to work." She stands up.

I smile and shake my head at her, "You're so cute."

She looks at me while smiling, "Thank you."

I grab all of our stuff then walk over to the trash to throw it away. I walk back over to Erika, "I'm ready." She nods and we walk back to the store. On the way to the store I find out more information about her and she finds out more information about me, it's a mutual exchange.

We finish up our work while making eyes at each other. After our shifts are over we lock up then everyone says goodbye then head to their cars. I walk her to her car, "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

Erika smiles as she gets into her car, "Yeah, I have to work tomorrow."

I nod and smile, "All right, see ya." I wink at her then walk over to my car.

When I get in my car all I think about is Erika. She's pretty cool, well, after about eight hours together I think she's pretty cool. She's pretty damn cute. She wants snakebites, she says she's totally jealous of mine, I think she looks fine without them.

I arrive at my house around eleven and my family isn't home… I have no clue where they went, they tell me nothing. I walk into my house and into my room to find a note… why couldn't someone have called me on the cell phone. It says: 'Grandma Julia is in the hospital; we figured you wouldn't wanna go. I'll call you and tell you what's up when we figure it out. Love you, Rach.'

I crumble the paper up and throw it my trashcan. I sigh, Grandma Julia is Satan; she hates me. She was the one that gave my mom the idea that I should go to that stupid camp. I loved her at the beginning years of my life but then I guess she sensed I was kinda screwed up or I was gonna be a screw up before I did and she just hated me. I'm not kidding. When she gave out Christmas presents everyone else would always get five presents and I always got something relating to the bible… and maybe a jacket… from Pac Sun. I love Pac Sun but what about some money.

But when she finally found out that I was gay she tried to do an exorcism on me. She brought a priest, holy water, the whole she-bang… and my parents had to let her do it. That's my mom's mom so she was all like 'go ahead, do whatever to your grandkid.'

I roll my eyes and sit on my bed and right when I do the doorbell rings. I get back up and walk down the stairs to the front door. I move the curtain back to see Kyla and Spencer waiting on my doorstep. I open the door, "Hey, working girl." Kyla says walking into my house, right past me.

Spencer clunks in behind her, "How was work?"

I close the door behind them and lock it. I turn on my heel to look at them and they're just smiling, "Um, good."

Kyla smiles and nods, "Meet anyone?"

I shake my head slowly; confused, "No, well, my co-workers."

"Ooh, co-workers, I bet it feels good to say that." Kyla and Spencer chuckle.

I shake my head smiling, "Yeah, it does. So what are y'all doing here at eleven something at night?"

"We wanted to stay the night." Kyla says.

"Yeah, we figured you might need some cheering up after the day you've had." Spencer smiles.

I know Kyla told Spencer about Lily, "Because of my job or because my ex is in the hospital?" I ask.

Kyla sighs, "Both?" she says asking a question and making a statement.

I laugh, "Good, because I do need some cheering up."

Spencer smiles, "Well, let's go upstairs and have girl time. All right!" Spencer runs up the stairs.

I take a step up the stairs and Kyla stops me, "You're not mad at me are you? I mean I only told her."

I shake my head, "No, that's fine, I don't care. I'm kinda glad y'all are here."

Kyla smiles, "And I'm glad we're here."

I roll my eyes playfully and I walk up the stairs as Kyla follows behind me. Spencer's already in my bed and I can hear my computer playing a song. I walk up to the computer and look at the screen, "Hilary Duff's Fly?" I ask then look at Spencer.

She just sits there and smiles, "Yes!" Kyla smiles at Spencer and sits right next to her.

I shake my head and put my hand on the mouse, "Uh, not for long." I click a song, "This is better."

The song starts to play and Spencer makes a face, "Who's this?"

I sit on the floor in front of the bed, "Do you know, Ky?"

Kyla bites her lip, "This is… the last something that meant anything by Mayday Parade."

I smile big and smile at Kyla then snap my fingers, "Yes, you're awesome!"

She smiles and sticks her tongue out at Spencer, "In your face."

Spencer smiles, "Whatever, that just means you've been hanging out with her too much."

I shake my head and laugh, "Then that means you need to hang out with me more."

Spencer laughs, "I guess so."

We laugh and talk about random things. School, things that happen in Ohio and California until Spencer started talking about Ashley, "She's so clingy lately."

By this time we had all ventured downstairs to get some snacks to eat. Kyla's gnawing on a pretzel stick, "What do you mean?"

"Okay, last night I spent the night with her," she looks directly at me, "We didn't do anything."

I show her my palms, "I didn't say anything," I put my palms down, "Is that why Ashley was in her underwear this morning?" I ask.

Spencer looks down, "She likes to sleep in her underwear, I didn't tell her to."

Kyla nods, "Continue."

"Okay," Spencer pauses, "So we slept together last night and I told her that I just wanted to be friends tonight meaning no touching. She said okay but she kept saying the sweetest things and I felt like the worst person in the world."

"What kinda stuff was she saying?" Kyla asks as I swallow some of my sprite.

"She said that her heart never felt so broken and torn. And that she never stops thinking about me. Oh, and every time she goes somewhere she always wishes I was there with her and I just feel really bad. I mean, yes, I do miss her and I wish we were together but… I do like Carmen." Spencer says sadly.

"You like Carmen?" Kyla asks surprised.

Spencer nods and smiles weakly at Kyla, "Yeah. She's just so nice and down to earth. Ashley is, too, but she makes it hard to be with her. Everyone's always around her and flirting with her and I still don't trust Aiden…" she trails off.

I nod, "Understandable."

Spencer continues talking, "I love Ashley, I really do but I was hurt so bad, I'm just so afraid to be with her again."

Kyla smiles and nods, "That's totally understandable. If you're meant to be with her then you will. Maybe you both just need time to realize some things."

Spencer smiles at Kyla, "Yeah, I think that's it."

They smile at each other, "Okay so what are you gonna do about Carmen?"

"Well, we kissed, again, yesterday. I like her, she's someone different. She said she wants to go on an actual date with me instead of just little kisses her and there… she said she wants to be with me." Spencer smiles big.

I laugh, "So she wants you to be her girlfriend, right?" Spencer nods her head, "Then why aren't you together?"

"I feel like I'm cheating on Ashley. I know that we aren't together anymore but my heart is still with her."

Kyla nods, "And Carmen still wants to go out with you even though she knows you're still in love with Ashley?"

"Um, I told her that Ashley and I went out but she never really asked any questions about it. I don't think she actually cares." Spencer says.

"Well, she's a keeper if she doesn't care about your past." I say smiling.

"Why do say that? Personal experience?" Spencer asks interested.

I nod, "I guess you can say that."

"Lily?" Spencer and Kyla say together.

I laugh then nod, "Yep, she never got over the fact that I've been with other girls and guys."

"Why?"

I shrug, "I don't know I guess she wanted us both to be total virgins but me being me… I was far from it." I laugh.

"So she was jealous all the time?" Spencer asks.

"Not all the time. If I saw an ex somewhere and she was with me, she made it a point to hold my hand or touch me or something. And it kinda ticked me off because she wouldn't do that kinda stuff in school, I guess the mall is a different story."

"So why'd y'all break up again?" Kyla asks.

I sigh, "Supposedly, I kept her a secret from everyone here and I was keeping my options open because I don't love her whatsoever. I mean I'm not gonna make it a point to tell someone if they don't ask. It's like if someone is talking to me about the history homework I won't say 'oh yeah, you know what's not history? Me and my girlfriend.' That's just stupid, if they really wanted to know they'd ask."

Kyla looks away, "Sure."

I roll my eyes, "What's that Kyla?"

She clears her throat, "Well, I think she has a little bit of a right to be insecure about you being here."

Spencer nods, "Maybe."

"Why?" I ask.

"You have to understand that you're an attractive girl… a very attractive girl-"

"Gay much Kyla?" I say smiling.


	12. Bring back the fight tonight

She shakes her head and continues, "And you're not just into girls and you're not just into boys… you're all around. There's millions of people in this town and maybe she felt like you could see someone and just fall in love with them. If she's out of your sight, then she was out of you mind."

I think about what Kyla's saying, "True but at the same time she has to understand that I love her and it wasn't my decision to come up here. And all the shit that I've been through was pretty much for us… it just didn't work out." I say sadly.

Kyla doesn't say anything.

My cell rings and I answer it, "Hello?"

"Hey, did you get the note?" Rachel asks.

I nod, "Yeah, why didn't you just text me?"

"I was in a rush and I didn't think about it."

I smile and shake my head, "Okay, whatever so why is granny in the hospital?"

"She had a stroke."

"Wow, is she okay?"

"Yeah, well we're not really sure yet. They're gonna watch her for the next few days to see how she does and mom wants to stay here until she knows she's fine."

"So none of you are coming home for a few days?" I ask. Kyla and Spencer focus their eyes on me and I look down at the carpet trying to listen.

"No, mom's just staying. She says if grandma gets better than she's gonna drive her to Ohio and stay with her for a while."

I roll my eyes knowing it's not just because of grandma, it's probably dad's fault. "Okay."

"Um, Mom wants to take your car."

"What?" I screech into the phone.

"She doesn't want any of us driving because of what happened to granny."

"What the fuck? That doesn't make sense."

Rachel laughs, "She thinks that we're under too much stress to drive."

I roll my eyes, "So I can't drive to school tomorrow?" I ask.

"Nope. And you have to catch a ride home or the bus."

I pound my fist into the carpet, "This is stupid as shit."

Rachel sighs, "I know. I hope Granny's gonna be okay."

I nod, "Yeah, me too. Even though she hates my guts."

Rachel sighs again, "Well, listen, we'll be home tomorrow after school, we're staying over night."

"So I'm the only one that has to go to school? How am I gonna get to work tomorrow, does she even care?" I ask.

"Hello, it's mom of course she doesn't care." Rachel says chuckling.

I shake my head and roll my eyes, "ugh, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"All right, love you, good night." Rachel says.

"You, too. Bye." I hang up my phone, "Bull shit to the max." I say angrily.

"What's up?" Spencer asks.

I tell them about my grandma and how the whole family is staying in town to watch Granny. Then I tell them I can't drive until my mom says so, "this is so gay."

"I guess I can get Glen to drop us off in the morning." Spencer says.

I roll my eyes, "Ugh, I have to go to work."

"You can ask Glen to take you." Spencer says.

I shake my head, "I don't think I'm in the mood to be hit on by your brother." I sigh.

Kyla laughs, "Ashley…"

I shake my head furiously, "Oh, hell no. I am not asking Ashley."

"Why not?" Spencer asks laughing.

"Why not?" I ask mocking Spencer, "Because I'm sure before I step foot into her car she'll run me over."

Kyla and Spencer laugh, "She will not hit you. Maybe I'll call her and get her to pick us up in the morning." Kyla says, "I'm sure she'll do it if Spencer asks."

Spencer shakes her head, "Oh no, no, and no. I'm not asking her. She might think I'm using her… and she's gonna hate me soon, I'm sure. If she ever finds about Carmen."

I smile and shake my head, "See, I guess we'll ride with-Spencer!" I scream.

"What?" she says surprised.

"Call Carmen and ask her." I smirk.

Spencer thinks about it, "No."

"Why not?" I ask.

"Ashley would have a freak attack!" Spencer screams at me.

"Well, if you're suppose to be going on a date with Carmen she's gonna freak anyway." I say because that's common sense.

"Yeah, Spence, this could be the first step…" Kyla says sounding all AA.

"This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous but yeah, Kyla is right."

Spencer sighs and smiles, "Fine. I'll call and ask."

I do the cabbage patch dance, "Alright, Spence!" Spencer and Kyla laugh. Spencer takes out her cell phone and looks for her number; she's taking forever, "Oh, c'mon it shouldn't take that long. I'm sure y'all text like crazy." I said remembering when Lily and me first got together.

Spencer smiles while still looking at her phone, "Found it."

Kyla laughs, "Put it on speaker." She says.

Spencer does as Kyla tells her and the phone starts to ring, "Hey, beautiful."

"Hey bay bay!" I yell at the phone. Kyla dives on me from the bed and puts her hand over my mouth.

Spencer laughs, "Baby?" Carmen asks.

She shakes her head, "Um, yeah, listen I have a question to ask you."

"Whatever it is, yes. The answer is yes." Carmen says.

Spencer blushes, "Aww." I muffle because Kyla has her hand over my mouth.

"Um, I was wondering if you could take me to school in-"

"Yes." Carmen says before Spencer even finishes her sentence.

Spencer giggles, "You didn't even let me finish."

"If it involves you then it's always yes." Carmen says simply.

I smile because that's really cute. "So you know you just said to taking me, Kyla and Roxy to school in the morning?" Spencer asks.

"Roxy? Didn't you tell me she had a car?" Carmen says sounding very confused.

"She does but her mom's crazy, long story. So are you gonna give us a ride?" she says putting emphasize on 'us'.

"Yeah, as long as that means I get to see you. And plus you're friends have to like me if we're gonna go out soon, right?" Carmen says. Sounds like something I would say.

Spencer's skin turns a bright red, "Yeah, I guess so."

"So you're gonna go out with me?" Carmen asks.

"Uh, I-I don't know." She says being caught off guard.

Kyla and I laugh quietly because watching Spencer flirt is cute and funny. Carmen laughs, "You will soon enough. I'll wear you down."

Spencer just smiles, "We'll see."

"Well, listen it's like twelve something and I have to get up earlier so I can come get you…"

Spencer nods, "Yeah, yeah, sorry if I woke you up or something."

"No problem. I'm glad I get to talk to you before I go sleep." Carmen says.

Spencer smiles, "Okay. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, beautiful." Carmen says.

"Night." Spencer says then closes the phone then looks at Kyla and me.

I grab Kyla's hand then move it away from my face, "Why aren't you going out with her?" I ask.

Spencer blushes, "I don't know. I'm not ready yet."

"She is so cute with you. Y'all are cute together." Kyla says smiling.

Spencer looks out the window, "Yeah, I guess so."

I look down at my hand and I'm still holding Kyla's hand. When I look up at her she's looking at our hands then she looks at me. I stand up, "Well, I know so." I say to Spencer.

Kyla stands up, "I agree." She says then walks over to the bed to sit next to Spencer.

Spencer falls back, lying her head on Kyla's legs, "Maybe I should try it but she has to ask me out, that's all I ask."

I look at Spencer and raise one of my eyebrows, "Well, if I were you-"

Spencer cuts me off, "Well, you're not and that's exactly why I'm not sneaking into her window just to talk to her or doing something way to risky."

I roll my eyes then smile, "Hey, people need to be risky sometimes. It's no fun playing it safe."

Kyla nods, "Roxy's right."

I cross my arms and nod, "I'm right, even the smart girl agrees, I love you, Ky."

Spencer laughs, "Y'all should just go out already." She says, I know she's not serious but for some reason Kyla gives me this look. Like she's been thinking about it but I usually interpret things wrong so whatever with that.

I yawn, "I am tired."

Spencer sits up, "Same here." She takes one of her shirts to reveal a form fitting tank top.

I stare at her boobs, "Did the twins get bigger?" I ask.

Kyla snickers, "What twin-Oh, you're so gay."

I smile and look up at the ceiling, "I am what I am." Spencer and Kyla laugh.

Kyla gets out of the bed and takes off her shirt too, she's only wearing a bra though. I take off my pants and all I'm wearing is underwear. We're all girls here, nothing's gonna happen… why do mother's say that anyway?

In the bed, from left to right, it's me, Kyla and then Spencer. We all go to sleep but I wake up after an hour to turn everything off and turn on the alarm. I try to sneak into the bed without waking anyone; mission accomplished. Kyla's breathing on me but it's not a heavy breathing it's just… warm. I stare at Kyla's face noticing everything I've never noticed before. She looks kinda Asian, her eyebrows are perfect, her lips aren't gigantic they look pretty nice actually. I wonder what would happen if-whoa, that's like my sister I'm thinking these dirty thoughts about.

I turn over, away from Kyla and stare at my wall. My eyes get heavier but they immediately fly up because I can feel Kyla's body close to mine. She has her hand on my shoulder and I can feel her "twins" on my back. I can smell her breath, smells like butterscotch.

And I guess I go to sleep to this smell because when I wake up Spencer's blasting some more crap music. Why do I even have crap on my iTunes? Spencer hops around singing to Boys Like Girls' 'The Great Escape'. I still feel Kyla laying super close to me. After a minute of blinking I actually decide to get up.

"Morning!" Spencer screams to me.

"Spencer, tone it down a lot and change this shit." I say with my eyes closed and standing up slowly.

She walks over to the computer and presses pause then looks at me, "Grouchy in the morning hmm?" she says.

I nod, "Yep. Play Lily Allen's Knock em out."

Spencer smiles then turns to the computer, "There." The song starts to play.

I open my eyes and notice that the curtains are open, "Those are never suppose to open." I say looking at Kyla.

"Well, they are." Spencer smiles at me and I shake my head.

I walk over to my closet and pick out an outfit to wear. Just a pair of Bermuda shorts and a punkish collar shirt, it has "crush, crush, crush" all over it. I made it myself. Spencer walks up behind me as I'm staring at my clothes, "Nice."

I look behind me at her then look at the clothes, "Yeah but with the right accessories it could be better."


	13. Pain is foreign, foreign to us

Spencer laughs then walks away. Kyla turns over and opens her eyes to look at me, "Y'all are such girls."

I smile then nod, "Yep."

Kyla moves around in my bed, stretching I assume. "When is Carmen gonna be here?" Kyla asks.

Spencer looks at her phone, "About thirty minutes."

Kyla jumps out of the bed, "Ah! I need atleast an hour and thirty. Y'all suck so bad." Kyla runs to the bathroom while Spencer and I look at each other and smile.

We all do our separate things. Spencer looks on the computer and checks her email, Myspace, etc. because she's already dressed. I go into my mother's room to take a shower because Kyla's in the other shower. We both get out at the same time even though Kyla got in ten minutes before me. She already has her hair and make up done, she's a fast one.

Kyla and I both get dressed which takes us twenty minutes. When we're all done doing everything we look at each other then we hear a honking sound outside. Spencer looks outside from my window and waves at Carmen. Kyla and I look at each other and smile. Spencer turns around to look at us, "What?" she says.

I shake my head and grab my book bag, "Nothing. Let's go." Spencer and Kyla don't really have anything to carry. They left the clothes that they wore here last night in my room. They're both wearing my clothes and they look good.

Spencer, Kyla and I walk out of my house, in that order to get in the car with Carmen. I lock the door then run to the car.

Spencer gets in the front while Kyla and me hop in the back seat. Carmen has the same car I have only in this candy apple red. "Hey." I say to Carmen from the backseat.

She looks in the rear view mirror, "Hey."

Kyla chimes in, "Thanks for taking us."

Carmen drives on then looks at Spencer, "No problem at all."

Spencer looks out the window and I assume she's blushing. She's so innocent.

On the way to school Kyla and I try to get to know Carmen. She's a pretty chill girl, I like her for Spencer. It's not that I don't like Ashley because I do. She reminds me of myself, she challenges me and plus she's hot. But I approve of Carmen… it's actually Ashley I think Spencer's the most worried about.

We arrive at school with ten minutes to spare. Kyla pulls me out of the car with her before Carmen even puts the car in park. "I wanna give them some time alone." Kyla says holding onto my hand while walking in front of me.

"Trying to play match maker, Ky?" I ask letting myself be dragged by her.

She stops in front of my locker, "Nope. They're already matched."

I take my hand back and laugh, "Whatever, Ky." I look at my locker then back at her, "I don't need anything out of my locker."

" I do. I left my economics book in there." she says like I'm suppose to know that.

I roll my eyes, "Well, open it."

"I forgot the combo." she says quietly.

I smile at her because she said it so cute, "Fine, I'll open it… retard."

She smiles big, "I know." I put in my combination to my locker and Kyla continues talking to me, "So... did you meet anyone at work?"

I lost my place so I start over, "Uh, yeah, I met this girl named Erika. She's so cool, well, from what I know about her."

Kyla nods, "How old is she?"

"Only like 19 or 20. I wasn't really caring about her age as long as her body was nice." I say smiling while I open the locker.

Kyla smiles, "Are you going into work today?"

I nod and point at my locker, "Get your books and yeah I have to work today."

Kyla takes a book out of my locker, "How are you getting there?"

I think about it as Kyla shuts the locker, "Um, I don't know, I guess I could ask Glen." I say scrunching up my face.

She looks me in the eye, "I can't believe your mom won't let you drive."

I nod, "Yeah, she sucks."

She starts walking to class and so I follow behind her, "Well, I hope your ride with Glen goes well."

I stop in my tracks and Kyla gives me a weird face, "I'm gonna call Erika."

"For what?"

I smile, "Maybe I can get her to come pick me up on the way to work."

"You don't even know her..." Kyla says weirdly.

"I do know her." I say walking again.

Kyla walks next to me, "You've only known her for eight hours, that's--"

"Chill, Ky, she's not gonna rape me or anything. I know her full name, I know where she works and I know her cell. She's not gonna kill me, chill out." I say laughing at how over protective she is.

Kyla sighs and looks away from me, "I just worry about you sometimes. Since Lily's in the hospital, I expect you to do something you'll regret."

I grab Kyla's arm and stop, "You don't have to protect me. I'm 18, Ky, I think I can make my own decisions." She looks down at her feet then I raise her chin up, "I'm okay. I mean, yeah, it's hard but I have you to help me, right?"

She smiles, "Yeah, I guess you do."

I move my hand away from her, "And you'll be the first to know when I have sex with Erika."I say smiling.

she shakes her head, "No, that's okay. I really don't wanna know that."

I nod, "Because you want me all for yourself, right?" I wink at her.

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, "I'm gonna go to class. I'll see you in second." she hugs me and she smells really nice.

I wrap my arms around her, "See you." she stops hugging me and walks off to her class but not before looking behind herself, at me, to blow me a kiss. I love Kyla. After talking to Kyla I run into Spencer who is holding hands with Carmen... in public. Spencer just looks at me smiling and blushing while Carmen looks at me smiling, too. I look at their hands then back up at Spencer, "So... does this mean y'all are doing the tango?" I say.

Carmen coughs and I laugh, "Um, not that but we're together." Spencer says looking at Carmen then back at me.

I smile and nod, "Good," I look at Carmen, "You hurt her, you're dead, make sense?" I say smiling.

Carmen nods her head slowly, "Yeah." she says slowly.

I narrow my eyes at Carmen and speak seriously, "Don't make me have to kick your ass, kid."

Carmen looks like she's full of fear. Spencer laughs and rubs Carmen's shoulder, "She's just kidding, babe."

Carmen sighs with relief, "Good because she's scary."

I laugh and smile, "I'm just kidding with you but not about the kicking your ass thing... I'll do it."

Spencer shakes her head and smiles at me, "I'm gonna talk to Roxy so I'll see you in second?" Spencer says looking at Carmen and smiling.

Carmen nods, "Yeah, if I don't she'll kick my ass right?" Spencer laughs, "All right, see you second." Carmen kisses Spencer without any warning. And it wasn't a sweet and innocence kiss, it was more like I'm-gonna-suck-off-your-face kiss. They stop sucking face then Carmen waves to Spencer as she walks away.

Spencer watches Carmen walk away as I clear my throat, "Whoo, Spencer!" I say. She looks at me then looks down; cute, "So... she asked you out?" I say sitting on the nearest bench.

Spencer sits next to me, "Yeah, well, actually I asked her out."

My eyebrows shoot up, "Really? Spencer Carlin, I am shocked, absolutely shocked."

She shakes her head then rolls her eyes, "I had to, she..."

"Held a gun up to your head?" I ask jokingly.

Spencer smiles, "No. She was just being so sweet and I--I like her a lot."

I smile, "Well, I'm happy you're happy."

She wraps her arms around me, squeezing the life out of me, "Thank you. I'm glad someone cares about my happiness."

I wrap my arms around her while trying to breath, "Alright, then why are you trying to kill me?"

She lets go of me and smiles, "Sorry."

I put my right hand to my chest and breath in deep and slow, "It's okay. You should be on the wrestling team or something though." I say laughing.

She pushes me playfully, "Shut up."

"Only if you promise not to strangle me again." I say smiling at her. She laughs and stares at me then loses her smile. She sighs, "What's up?"

She looks down at her shoes then up at me, "I keep thinking about Ashley..."

I sigh, "What about her?"

"She's gonna freak out on me when she finds out about me and Carmen."

"Well, she's gonna have to get over it, right?" I say placing my hand on Spencer's hand.

She looks at me, "Yeah, but, I still hate to see her hurt, you know?"

I nod, "Of course you do. And I hate to see you hurt so do what you want to do. Not just because of Ashley, okay?"

Spencer smiles at me, "Okay," she nods, "That's a promise."

The bell rings then Spencer and I stand up, "You better keep it." she nods her head, "Well, I gotta get to class so I'll see you later?" I ask.

She picks up her purse, "Okay, bye." she says walking away from me.

I watch her walk away and smile. She deserves to be happy. But at the same time I wasn't here when Spencer and Ashley were together so who am I to say anything. Kyla says she likes seeing Spencer and Ashley together she said: "They were like the pureness of love and life." Um, I'm sorry but when I think of Ashley, pure doesn't come to mind. Ashley equals lesbian bad girl and Spencer screams pure Catholic but obviously not so much pure if she's lesbian with Ashley. I'm spacing out so I walk in the direction of my class. Gym, yay, Ashley's in that class with me. I wonder if she's even here today, I didn't see her car.

I arrive at the gym and I see Ashley sitting in the bleachers along with everyone else, I assume we don't have to dress out today. I look over at the coach and apparently we have a sub... a pretty cute sub. She looks like she's about 20. Hmm, interesting.

* * *

**::::::A/N::::::**

No Roxy's not gonna hit on the coach... well, maybe, you never know, she has sex appeal, i'd jump in bed with her if she was real lol.

hmm, anyone ever wondered what would happen with Kyla and Roxy? maybe i'm doing a little bit of foreshadowing right now...

thanks for the reviews.

[[[carmen may seem a little our of charcter but things change.

xoxo


	14. We all flirt in the tiniest notion

I watch the coach while walking over to sit next to Ashley. The coach smiles at me, "I'm Coach Anna."

I place my bag down first then raise my hand, she calls on me, "First name or last name? Anna?"

"My first. I don't like my last name." Coach Anna says while I stare at her lips. It's crazy how much of a slut I am after being in a two year relationship.

"Well, what's your last name?" I say smiling and wiggling my eyebrows. I also cross my legs because I think it looks hot, from her point of view.

"I don't have one." she says then starts talking to the class as a whole.

I look away from Coach Anna to Ashley, "Hey."

She looks at me, "Hey." We don't talk for the rest class until I can't stand the silence any longer. "What's up with you?" I ask.

"Is Spencer going out with that Carmen girl?" Ashley asks plain and simple with no emotion on her face.

"Um, you should ask--"

"She is, right?" Ashley sighs, "I came by Spencer's this morning to see if she needed a ride and I saw you guys get into a car that I now know is Carmen's." Ashley starts to lightly shake her right leg and then she looks down at her feet, "Great."

What do I say to a girl that hates me but I feel sorry for? "I'm sorry."

Ashley doesn't even look up at me, "Whatever."

I look away from her... knowing that we're not gonna be all buddy-buddy today, "Okay."

"I just—I gave her everything that I had in me. I went through shit with her mom and that was a handful. And now... Carmen's here and I feel like I meant nothing—our relationship—meant nothing to her."

Lily pops in my head, "I'm pretty sure y'all relationship meant the world to her but maybe she just needs time."

Ashley looks at me confused, "Time to do what? Screw her?"

I roll my eyes, "No, time to think about stuff. Time to... figure out what's going on."

"Okay, so what's going on?" Ashley says.

I get a little hostile, "Listen, I don't know what's going on with your relationship."

"Yeah, you're right, you don't know." Ashley says with anger in her voice.

And that just makes me snap, "Look, I'm not Dr. Phil, I can't help you with everything."

"I didn't ask you to, why are you--"

I cut her off, "Maybe I actually do care about someone else's feeling but my own. Maybe I actually know what pain is and--" I notice that the other kids are getting up from the bleachers, the bell must have rang, "Deal with it Ashley. God, you Californians are assholes." I say walking out of the gym to my second period class.

I see Spencer and Carmen in the hall... I'm not talking to them right now. Ugh, I'm actually the first person in class instead of the last. I sit in my seat and as I do Kyla walks in, "How was 1st period with my sister?"

I shake my head, "She knows about Spencer and Carmen."

Kyla's eyes grow bigger and then sits down behind me. I turn around to look at her, "Tell me everything."

"So she came by Spencer's this morning and saw all of us getting in Carmen's car... and that's pretty much it." I say.

"Why did she come by this morning?" Kyla asks.

"She thought Spencer might've needed a ride to school and she was gonna give her a ride. Cute, right?"

Kyla sighs, "This isn't gonna be good."

"Uh, duh." I say to Kyla.

Kyla rolls her eyes, "Shut up." I turn around in my seat. Kyla taps me on the shoulder, "I'm just kidding, talk to me."

I scoff then smile, "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Lily." I say with little emotion in my voice.

Kyla rubs my shoulder, "Have you talked to anyone yet?"

I shake my head while looking down at my shoes, "No, I have--" my cell phone interrupts my sentence. I take it out of my pocket and look at it. "Miranda" it says. I show the phone to Kyla.

"Answer it." Kyla says.

I shake my head, "Why?"

Kyla snatches the phone from me as kids start piling into the classroom, "Hello?" she says into the phone. "Yeah, she's here, one second. And you did call her cell phone." Kyla smiles then hands the phone back over to me.

I narrow my eyes at her while snatching the phone. I place the phone up to my ear, "Hello."

"Can you talk right now?" Miranda asks.

"Well, I'm in school right now but if it's important, I guess I could--"

She cuts me off, "It is important."

I sigh, "Okay, let me call you back when I'm alone, okay?" I don't wanna talk to Miranda. I close the phone and stare at Kyla angrily, "She says she has something important to tell me."

Kyla smiles, "Good."

"I don't wanna talk to her Kyla. She ruined my relationship."

Kyla shakes her head, "No, don't just blame her. It was all building up and--"

I stand up, "Blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna go to the bathroom to call her back."

Kyla narrows her eyes at me, "Don't cut me off just because you don't wanna hear it. Go." she says pointing in the direction of the bathrooms.

I roll my eyes, "Sorry, Ky." I say then walk out of the classroom to the bathroom. I don't even know what she wants. It's only been one day since I found out about Lily. Ugh, I couldn't handle losing Lily, yeah, I'm mad at her but I still love the cheating skank. No one knows how bad I wished I still lived in Ohio.

I walk into the bathroom and I see Ms. Queen Bitch of King, Ariel, with her little minions, "The freak shows and queers bathroom is on the other side of the school." she says smiling as her minions laugh.

I roll my eyes, "So I'm guessing this is the sluts and porn stars?" I say throwing a smile back in her face.

She rolls her eyes, "Get out. I don't want you checking me out."

I scoff while smiling, "Like you're on my to do list? In your dreams, you're not hot enough for me, toots."

"Ugh, you're so gay." she says like that's gonna hurt me.

I gasp as I place my hand on my chest, "Really? Oh my god, I so did not know." I roll my eyes.

She narrows her eyes at me, "You think you're so funny."

I take my hand away from my chest and nod, "Yeah. Well, actually I know I'm funny." I wink at her. She scoffs and pushes my shoulder on the way out of the bathroom. Her little minions follow behind her, "Bye-bye, Barbie's." I say waving at them as they leave. The last of the minions, Tori, stops to look at me, "What?" I say jumping at her, "The rest of your pack is gone, they're on their way back to hell."

She smiles and giggles at me, "You know I don't have the same thoughts as Ariel."

I just stare at her, "And your point would be...?" I say meaning the statement as a question.

"I don't hate you because you're gay." she says smiling at me.

I raise my left eyebrow, "Okay, so why do you hate me?"

She shakes her head, "No, no, I don't hate you. I was just--"

I cut her off because I guess I should call Miranda back if it has anything to do with Lily, "Listen, I have a phone call to make so if this conversation was going anywhere could you make it go there now?"

She stops smiling and shakes her head, "No, it doesn't." she says then walks out of the bathroom. Weirdo.

I walk into the bathroom stall then take out my cell phone. I look through my incoming calls and see Miranda's name. I don't wanna call her back, I don't want to talk to her. Maybe Kyla's right, though, maybe we're all just... fucked up. Maybe I should put this all behind me. I sigh then press call on my cell. I place the cell phone to my right ear and it rings. Once. Twice, "Hello?"

* * *

::::A/N:::

quinze85: don't worry carmen is deff. psycho, that's all i can tell you, there will be spashley again but what's the fun in getting right to the point?? there is none. and maybe Roxy chooses kyla... or Erika [[coworker... or maybe Lily because maybe she makes a special visit to her love lol. i do not know.

blonde gone wild: Roxy should be with Erika? what happen to the wonderful power couple of Rily? lol that was very stupid sounding hmm? i'm sorry u have gay hw, maybe u should try going to a dumber school... like me lol

shadows89: maybe ashley's grown and she won't get jealous and kick carmen's ass... yeah, okay, that's deff. not the ashley we've all grown to love. who grows up anymore? we're all children at heart lol

thanks everyone for the reviews... i do not know when this story is ever going to end but if u keep giving me ideas, it'll most likely be never lol

xoxo


	15. Confess all the faith that I had in you

"Why did you call me? And shouldn't you be in school?" I say to Miranda.

"No, I'm not going back to school for the rest of the week. I'm gonna watch Lily, keep and eye on her you know?" she says. Sadly, she seems like a better girlfriend to Lily then I ever was.

"Wow, you sound like a great girlfriend." I say monotonously.

She scoffs, "I'm not her girlfriend, it's not even like that." she says disgustedly like that's so off the scale.

I roll my eyes, "Oh yeah, I remembered you tried to tell me that."

"Well, I'm gonna tell you now: she kissed me. It didn't mean a thing. You weren't here, I'm her best friend. It's only logical that she would try to kiss me."

I sigh tiredly, "Anything else?"

She growls angrily, "No, I just figured you'd like to know that she's doing great. She should be awake by Monday, if not earlier."

"That it?" I say.

"No." she pauses, "There's something about you being there and her being here that you don't understand--"

I shake my head, "Don't talk to me about this."

"Well, I am. Lily's like my sister, I don't wanna see her in pain--"

"And that's exactly what I give her right?" I say knowing that the answer's gonna be yes.

"Sometimes yes but I've also known the joy and love you've given her. The good times overpower the bad." she sighs then continues, "After this, I don't want her to be hurt or in pain by you ever again. So I'm gonna ask you to make a decision for her sake. Decide if you love her enough to be with her while you're there. Decide if you can handle the distance."

I think about her words for a second. Do I even know _I _even know if I can handle this? "Does it always take an ex-girlfriend's mistress to put everything in perspective?" I say making a joke to lighten my mood as well as hers.

She lets out a weak laugh, "I'm not a mistress. Well, not for your girlfriend." she laughs, "Sorry, ex-girlfriend."

I laugh, "So you're actually funny. Listen, I'm sorry for being a bitch. I just really wish I could be there..." I trail off getting sad.

"I'm sure Lily would want you here. We probably wouldn't be in this if you were so I wish you were here too." she says sincerely, I can since it.

I smile, "Well, listen, I'm actually in school right now so..."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I'll let you go but I'll definitely keep you updated." she says.

"Okay." I say smiling, "Later."

"Bye-bye." she says as I close the cell phone. Why was I such a bitch to her again? I can't remember... I am such an asshole sometimes. Oh, wait, her and Lily did kiss... but I'm not really good at holding grudges. That's a lie, I can hold a grudge until the end of time. Anyway, I guess while I'm in here I might as well call Erika to see if she'll give me a ride.

I open my cell and look for Erika in my phone book. Found her; I press call, "Hello."

She says picking up her phone, "Hey."

"Hi..." she says hesitantly.

"Let me guess you forgot who I was?" I say.

"Oh, no! It's Roxy, right?"

I shake my head while smiling, "No, no it's too late now. I'm so hurt. I should be fresh in your head."

"I'm sorry, the number through me off—wait, aren't you in school? What school do you go to?" she finally asks.

"King High but I mean, who really needs school?" I say blowing air out of my mouth.

She laughs, "Um, everyone."

"Well, that's everyone not me so I guess I get a get out of jail free card." I say trying to be funny.

She laughs, "Bad girl, hmm?"

"Yeah, just a little."

She gives me a light laugh, "Well why are you calling me?"

"I was actually wondering if you could take me to work... after school."

"Um, yesterday you had a car or was I just dreaming that?"

I shake my head, "No, I had a car but my mom said I can't drive it right now because she's afraid I might kill myself."

"What?"

"Yeah, I don't know, that logic makes since to my mom and my mom only. So will you take me?" I ask, "Please, pretty please. I can pay you gas money if you want."

"No."

Damn, simple and to the point, "Ugh, okay I guess I'll get this pervert to take--"

"I meant no to the gas thing. You don't need to pay me for gas, I'll take you for free."

I smile, "Is my company enough?"

"For now." she says, I think she's trying to be flirty.

I laugh, "For now? Okay, fine with me. So, um will you pick me up from school at 3:30?"

"So you get out at three?" Erika asks.

"Nope. I take thirty minutes to mingle and change into my outfit."

"You could always change in my car." she says again being flirty, man, she's on a roll today.

"I could."

Erika laughs, "I'll pick you up. Just call me when you're ready."

I nod, "Okay, I'll call you later. I guess I better get back to class, I've been in the bathroom for the past twenty minutes. They probably think I have diarrhea or something."

Erika laughs, "Gross. Alright, call me later."

"Bye." I say and she says the same then we hang up.

I don't like Erika, she's just someone new to flirt with and plus she's totally cute but I could never. First, because I'm so worried about Lily; I can't even breath without thinking about her. Secondly, because I know I would wind up hurting her. And lastly, I think I might be slowly falling for--

Knock, knock, "Someone in there?"

"Yeah!" I yell through the stall then slide my phone in my pocket. I open the stall door and see Rachel standing there.

She smiles at me, "Who were you talking to?"

I roll my eyes and walk over to the sink where she is, "When did you get here?"

She looks into the mirror to do her eyeliner while talking to me, "Like an hour ago. Mom told us to come to school.. so you wouldn't be alone."

I look at her in the mirror, "Well, you are gonna be alone, I'm getting a ride from Erika. She's taking me to work."

After Rachel applies her eyeliner she blinks at herself to make sure she's comfortable. She turns around to me, "Hmm, how do you think Lily will feel about that one?"

* * *

:::::A/N:::::

Royla... sounds pretty cool, hmmm maybe. or maybe even Rashley? "Rashley Ashley, right?"

soooo Rachel struck a cord with roxy, how do u think that will go? not too well hmm? Roxy's very composed... i'm lying.

xoxo


	16. settle precious

I look down, "Doesn't really matter..." I say. I knew I forgot to tell Rachel about what was going on with me.

"What?" she asks.

I look up at her and sigh, "We broke up."

Her mouth drops, "When?" she says bringing her hands up to my shoulders. Is that like the universal closure thing because Kyla did that to me too...

"Like a day ago." was it even a day ago? I can't keep track because I'm in "Hollywood".

She wraps her arms around me and I return the favor, "I am so sorry, why didn't you say anything?"

"You were with grandma Julia and... it's not a big deal." I say to her so she doesn't feel bad about knowing and so she doesn't make me feel bad about her not knowing.

"Are you kidding? It's a big deal. You went out with her for two years." she separates our body from each other, "Why?"

"You were friends with Miranda Scott before we moved, right?" I ask.

She gasps, "Gay?"

I laugh because she says it so appalled and funny, "Well, Lily kissed her so I'm not so sure."

"Lily kissed her? Are you okay?" she says wrapping her arms around me again.

Rachel is so crazy, "Yeah, I'm fine." this time I'm the one pulling us apart, "I'll tell you when I get home tonight, okay?"

She holds up her right hand and sticks only her pinky finger out, "Promise?"

I smile and nod then wrap my left pinky around hers, "Promise." we've been pinky promising since we were five. On top of that sisterly-twin-bond thing we have going on, we also have little nothings that mean the world to both of us. For example, we have sign language that we made up at, like, age 9 and we still understand them.

I turn on my heel to walk out of the bathroom but she grabs my wrist, "Who's Erika? You know mom's gonna ask."

"My friend from work; co-worker. I met her yesterday," I raise my eyebrow and smirk, "Cute."

She rolls her eyes, "Roxy." then sighs.

"Rachel." I say returning her exhausted sigh and eye roll.

"Don't do anything that you'll regret. You know that I know the pain of a break up..." she says recalling her relationship with Dylan... her late ex-boyfriend.

I cant look her in the eye after she says that so I continue to the door, "Yeah, I know." I say sadly, "I'll be fine." or at least I hope I will. "Love you." I walk out of the bathroom stall thinking about Dylan. Dylan was like three years older than Rachel. They got together when she was a sophomore, so she was 16, and he was 19. It was nothing serious until she became a junior. When she was a sophomore they fooled around but they never got close to having sex. But her first time ever was with him, in her junior year, before we moved and had to throw everything away. I remember the conversation we had before she had sex with him...

**I sit on her bed, "You called me?"**

**Rachel stares at the teddy bear sitting in her lap from Dylan, "Yeah."**

**I hit the bear lightly, "Me or the bear?"**

**She looks up at me, "You."**

**I stare at her, "Well, what's up?" she still doesn't say anything so I put my hand on her leg and look at her. We may be twins but... she looks nothing like me, well, only to me, "Rach?"**

"**I'm scared." she says simply without any hesitation.**

**I smile, "Because we have a pep rally tomorrow? Don't worry I'm not gonna dive all over Lily no matter how hot she is. Well, I can't make any promises." I smirk and she doesn't give me anything. I sigh, "Scared for what?"**

"**Me and Dylan." she says.**

"**Did he hurt you? Do I have to break his jaw because I knew he was bad news. I don't wanna sound like mom but--" I start off sounding like the big sister.**

**She cuts me off, "No, no, nothing like that. We're gonna have sex."**

"**Isn't that against the law?" I ask.**

"**Since when do you care about the law? Last time I checked you kicked Lily's mom's ass and that was against the law then."**

**I narrow my eyes at her because she knows the story behind that, "I didn't kick her ass." I say then stand up to walk to the door.**

"**Wait, I'm sorry. I just have everyone telling me that he's so bad but no one takes the time to get to know him."**

**I look at her and sigh, "I've taken the chance to know him and that didn't go over so well, remember?" I say referring to when I met him and he tried hitting on me... knowing that I was Rachel's twin. He didn't even have me confused with Rachel... he just wanted to bang me.**

"**C'mon, don't hold that against him he was--"**

"**Don't say he was on drugs. Like being on drugs makes this sound any better? " I say exhausted with this conversation already.**

**She sighs and raises her hands to show me her palms, "Either way it goes, I love him and I wanna share this with him."**

"**And I'm willing to bet that he already shared that with someone else." **

**She stares at me and purses her lips together, "And so did you but Lily still loves you, right? After knowing that--"**

**My sigh cuts her off, "Shut up."**

**She stops talking then starts up again, "Look, it's gonna happen... tonight. When I come back home from hanging out with him I won't be a virgin." **

**I sit on the bed next to her and grab her hand then look her in the eye, "Do it because you want to. Because I regret losing it to someone I wasn't in love with and not keeping it for Lily."**

**she looks up at me, "I do love him."**

**I shrug, "Then go for it."**

**Rachel wraps her arms around my neck and talks into the wall behind me, in front of her, "Thank you." she whispers as Dylan calls her cell phone.**

And it's amazing how, after that, he died. Some gang did that whole initiation thing for one of their gang members. It's like, to officially be in the gang he had to kill someone... for fun, and that night it was Dylan. I know I didn't like Dylan but he made my sister happy and that's something I had to respect since she was so cool with Lily and I. I didn't like him as much as Rachel liked Lily but I don't believe that someone should be murdered for a testosterone game.

Rachel was a mess. She was so numb and I felt every bit of her pain because of the creepy ass twin thing. It's like... nowhere near the pain I feel about Lily. I guess it's because she _knew_ he died and I'm still waiting to hear back. But to look at Rachel now, no one would have ever known that she lost the love of her life for a stupid initiation game. In her wallet, there's a picture of them together... I even cry when I look at it so I'm pretty sure she's sobbing over it. It's just really sucks to know that shit like that really happens... and to the best people in the world. Meaning... where does that leave me... the devil's reject?

I don't look where I'm going when I come out of the bathroom and I run into Jeremy. Are all my siblings stalking me? Next is Hunter, I'm betting.

I make him drop all his books and I help him pick them up, "How's Grandma?"

He stands up straight, "She's okay. She's staying with us tonight and then mom's driving her to Ohio to live with auntie Marilyn."

I freeze, "W-what? She's staying with us? You're joking."

He bends down to pick up the rest of his books, "No, why?"

"Why?" I mock him, "Because grandma Julia hates my guts."

He looks at me while cocking his head to the side, "It's gonna be fine. She doesn't hate you."

I throw the books in my hand into his arms, "What?" I yell at him, "Did you not get that memo when she had a freaking exorcism on me?"

* * *

:::::::::::a/n:::::::::::::

okay so roxy didnt get that angry about it but i mean why? shes not mad at rachel so why would she take it out on her, she wouldnt, exactly! You think grandma Julia is gonna start a scene? she might, if roxy doesnt dodge her while she's living in her house lol but where's Lily? and shouldnt she run into Ashley pretty soon[[thanks 4 the reviews

xoxo


	17. Dont you walk away from me

"It wasn't even a exorcism." he says.

I roll my eyes, "Jer, she got a priest... and holy water, that's fucking close enough."

He sighs, "She's sick, Rox."

"I know but that doesn't stop her from hating me and that won't stop me from avoiding her. I'm sure if she's dying she wouldn't wanna see me..." I say. Jeremy' s giving me this stupid sad face.

"Roxy, it's gonna be fine."

"Yeah, okay." I say sarcastically, "Every thing's gonna be just fine. She's gonna ask to see picture of me and Lily, ask if we're using protection, oh, and she might wanna know how the sex is."

He narrows his eyes at me, "You don't have to be so sarcastic about it."

I nod slowly, "Apparently, I do to make you get it. Grandma hates gays. We're an abomination." I say rolling my eyes. He looks at me, sadly, and right now I don't feel like I need the pity thing so, "Hey, I need to get back to class, I've been gone forever."

"Alright, Roxy." is all he manages to say. I start to walk away, "Hey, are you still gonna do the show on Friday?"

I stop. I totally forgot about that show. Ugh, the songs he wants to play would only reminds me of Lily but I guess I gotta get over it. I kinda promised him and I'm trying to be more dependable, "Well, I don't know. A lot of stuff has happened in the past few days..."

He nods, "Yeah, I understand. I hope you do the show... it'll most likely make you feel better." he's like my very own Dr. Phil.

"Okay. I'll see you when I get home." I turn around and start walking to class again and as I do I look over to the parking lot and see Ashley driving away. Tsk, tsk, bad girl. Truth is... I wish I could be doing the same thing right now.

I shrug it off and enter the class, "You're la--"

I don't let him finish his sentence, "I was here before the bell ring, I had an emergency." I say walking to my seat.

"What kind of emergency takes twenty minutes?" Mr. Carney asks nosily.

"The kind that's really important." I say not trying to be smart Aleck but I'm not gonna say, 'um, my ex-girlfriend's mistress called me to tell me about how my ex is doing.' That would be a little on the odd side.

"I don't think that's a good enough reason to leave my class and come back 20 minutes later. It-"

I make up a lie to get him off my ass, "My Grandma had a stroke, okay?" I say sitting in my seat, in front of Kyla.

He stops talking, "Oh, I'm sorry." he's silent and in my head I'm smiling, "So class..."

Kyla rubs my right shoulder and whispers, "I'm sorry."

I smile and slap Kyla's hand, "Shut up."

"Didn't--is she okay?"

I turn around in my seat and whisper back to her, "She did have stroke but I was talking to Erika and Miranda. My grandma had a stroke yesterday or the day before...I can't really remember." I laugh quietly.

She hits me lightly on the shoulder, "Jerk."

Mr. Carney talks about classwork, which I actually did this time. I never pay attention in this class but today feels different. I guess maybe I'm starting to change for the better, starting with school? We'll see how long this lasts. After an hour of Mr. Carney talking he finally ends class with ten minutes left to spare, Kyla and I use this time to look at each other's nails.

Kyla holds on to my left hand, "Yours are so shiny."

I use my left hand to look at hers, "Yours are just as shiny as mine."

She examines my nails further more, "But you don't use anything on yours. I have to pay a pretty penny to get mine this way."

I look her in the eye then smile, "I bet a Vietnamese lady did them right?"

She scoffs and smiles, "No... she was Chinese." she laughs and so do I.

We continue to compare nails or she does because I'm not really interested in who's nails are shinier until Derrick comes over, "Hey Kyla."

She looks up at him smiling from the last joke I told, "Hey Derrick."

He looks at our hands, "Can I get in on that?" he says.

I roll my eyes, "Sorry, I'm not really into threesomes." I smile at him.

Kyla smiles at me as he laughs, "Well, can I watch?" he says.

Derrick laughs as Kyla lightly pushes him, "Ew, freak." she says.

I take my hand away from Kyla's so I can get all my books ready to go. "So, what are you doing today? I got a new car today." Derrick says trying to impress Kyla.

"I have homework tonight, so much homework." she says.

"Well, maybe I can come over and we can do it together, you're in every single class with me."

Kyla laughs, "We only have two classes together."

He laughs, "And those are the two classes I'm failing because I can't stop staring at you."

"Okay." Kyla says sounding like she doesn't believe him.

"For real. That's why you should tutor me." I roll my eyes. I don't even know Derrick but I know that I don't want him doing anything with Kyla. He's a total jock, with his nice car and his huge mansion. Okay, I have a car and a huge house but... he such a dick. When I first got here he was my welcome committee. Kyla and Derrick are just so different, she'd be better off with me than with him. Ugh, am I seriously jealous of Derrick? No, I'm probably just in love with my best friend, a very unheard of story.

I roll my eyes while snapping out of my daze to hear Kyla agree to hang out with Derrick, "Okay, fine. Tomorrow. Around eight."

The hair on my neck stands up, "Alright, alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Friday at eight." he says smiling then walking back to his seat.

The bell rings so I stand up, toss my book bag over my shoulder then look at Kyla who is making eyes at Derrick. Ugh, it really irks me. "I'll see you later." I say to Kyla.

"Hey, I'll see you after school?" she says.

"Uh, no. I'm busy." I'm not lying, I have to go to work. I don't think there's anything else going on today.

"What are you doing today?" Kyla asks me.

"Working. I'll see you later." I say then walk to the door only to have Kyla glued to my side.

"Hey! Bi-polar much?" she says joking.

"Nah, I'm just really ready for lunch." I say walking to my locker.

Kyla doesn't believe me. Why is it so hard to look someone in the eye and tell the truth when it involves your feelings, "You hate lunch."

I shake my head, "No, I hate class more than I hate lunch. I hate the whole concept of school."

"Okay," she says not pushing the question further, "So I have a date with Derrick tomorrow."

We arrive at my locker just as I'm blowing air out of my mouth. Kyla doesn't notice because there's so much commotion by my locker, "Where are y'all going?" I ask not really wanting to know.

"He's gonna pick me up from my place and we're gonna go to dinner and just talk." Kyla says like talking is the only thing on his agenda. She needs to be less naïve.

"Then where are you going afterwards? His place?" I say pulling my locker open.

Kyla scoffs, "No. I don't plan on sleeping with him." she says.

I smile, "Okay, that's your plan... what about his?" I look at her, waiting for her answer.

She smiles a little bit, "It doesn't matter, I'm not gonna sleep with him."

I shake my head and look away from her, back to my locker, "Okay."

"Do you not believe me or something?" she asks.

"I believe you." I say.

"Okay. So you wanna double date or something?" Kyla asks.

I take out my red notebook, the one I write all my songs in, and put it in my book bag then close my locker, "What?"

"Double date? Me and Derrick, you and Erika?"

I roll my eyes, "No." I kinda laugh too.

"Why are you laughing? I thought you liked her." Kyla turns on her heel and starts walking to the cafeteria, I walk next to her.

I shake my head, "No—well, I think she's hot but I don't like her. Hello, my girlfriend is in the hospital... I'm still pretty much in love with the cheating skank."

"Ex-girlfriend?" Kyla corrects me.

I sigh, "Yeah, that. Thank you for making me realize I have no one now. You are so sweet." I say sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that. I was just--"

I wave my hand, "Don't worry about it. I know she's my ex, I guess I should get use to calling her that hmm?" I feel like that's gonna be one of my impossible tasks. I'm in love with Lily and nothing will ever change that. No one knows how hard it is to not just quit school, take my car and drive to Ohio just to be with her. I feel like our lives are dependent on everyone else's, like, if we were on our own we'd be fine. It's hard to understand but we'd be better off without nothing. I'd give up my money, my cars... anything to have everything back to normal. Like her being the hot cheerleader and me being the devil... good days.

"Would you take her back?" Kyla asks.

"Yeah." I say without hesitation, I guess Kyla expected another answer because she made a face.

"Really?" Kyla asks.

I nod, not looking at Kyla, "Yeah. I love her."

"Even after she cheated on you?"

"Yeah, in a heartbeat. Kyla, that's two years I just can't throw away."

"I don't expect you to. I was just asking, I mean, you seemed smarter than that." Kyla says

* * *

::::::::::::a/n::::::::::::: 

Yes, people spashley rox. i could never keep them seperated forever... well i could but happiness is key.

You think Kyla's jealous of Lily? or Erika? or both? You think she might kick sum ass over Roxy? Hmm, i would but Kyla is way more level headed then me. lol.

tell me what u think of this chapter

xoxo


	18. And put the hook where it hurts most

I grab her arm to make her stop walking. People walk around us, "Smarter than what?"

"Smart enough to know, once a cheater always a cheater." Kyla says.

I let go of Kyla's arm, "Well, Kyla, you know I was a cheater before I went out with Lily, right? And now look at me... I haven't cheated on her within the past two years. Cheaters never change huh?"

"I'm not talking about you." Kyla says.

"You're talking about her and... I don't want you to."

She sighs, "She did something wrong, she's allowed to be talked about."

I open my mouth then close it, "I don't wanna talk about this right now. Just worry about yourself when Derrick is inching his way in you pants." I walk away from Kyla, leaving her fuming... I hope.

I hate it when people butt in to my business, especially when they're trying to give me advice on something. I know I'd be better off taking their advice but I'm hard headed and I like it that way.

After storming off, away from Kyla, I run into Hunter... like I knew I would. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" he says grabbing my shoulders because he's a built boy and almost knocked me over.

"Why do you have to be so huge?" I say to him.

He laughs and takes his hands away from me, "Jealous?"

I roll my eyes and smile, "You know it."

he laughs, "So where you going in such a hurry?"

"Lunch."

"You're never this eager to go to lunch. Skipping?" he asks.

I roll my eyes, "No... I don't think so. And plus I don't even have my car because mom's psycho."

"She is isn't she?" I nod, "Well, she gets it from granny."

I laugh, "She's living in the house right?" I ask.

He nods, "Yes, until tomorrow."

"Well, I won't be home tonight."

"I don't blame you. If I was you I wouldn't wanna go home either. Grandma hates lesbians." Hunter says not being as timid Jeremy.

I laugh, "Finally, one of my siblings that actually understands."

He smiles, "Yeah, well I cannot tell a lie."

I roll my eyes, "Uh, yeah right. I think you can." We both laugh and continue talking to each other until his "friend" Emily puts her little, fragile arm on his shoulder.

"Hey, you ready to go?" she says being all skanky and flirty. Emily Wessler is pretty smoking hot though. Her and Hunter have been dating on and off since we got here. He told me that she said that she would give up her single life for him. But my brother doesn't know a good offer.

Hunter looks down to Emily because their height difference is extreme, "Yeah, you know Roxy, my sister, right?"

She looks at me then smiles, "Hey Roxy." I smile and wave at her then she looks back to Emily, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, one second, kay?" he says to her. She nods and walks off.

"So..." I say wiggling my eyebrows, "What's up with that?"

"I decided why not, you know? And plus Kyla seemed more interested in what you were doing then what I was doing." he says looking in the direction of Emily, "But we're together. I'm gonna try and she's gonna try."

"What do you mean Kyla was more interested in me?" I asks.

"I don't know. She was just really always worried about you—but hey, I'm gonna go to lunch. I'll see you later. Love ya, Rox." he says then walks over to Emily's beautiful red convertible. I would date her just to ride in that car but wait—Kyla was more interested in me? My brother doesn't have a gaydar so I cant really trust him. Life would be so much easier if I was back in Ohio, I know I'm a crybaby about this but.. fuck it, no one judges me but me.

I decide that I'm not really hungry today so I sit out in the parking lot on a bench. Quiet moments like this, I would text Lily just to see what she was doing... even if she was right next to me. Then she would call me ten minutes later with the response. Our school didn't care too much about cellphones as long as we did our work.

"**You in Spanish?" she says to me over the phone.**

**I lean back in my chair watching my more than attractive Spanish teacher roll her R's, "Si." I say.**

**She giggles, "Having fun?"**

"**I guess... I'm just sitting here watching Ms. Rodriguez roll her R's." **

**I hear her suck air through her teeth, "She looking hot today?"**

"**Always."**

"**You know you're making me jealous, right?"**

**I smirk, mission accomplished, "I had an idea."**

"**She hotter than me?" Lily asks.**

**I hesitate just to make her a little bit angry, "No."**

"**You hesitated, is she?" she asks quickly.**

**I laugh, "No, no. Calm down. What were you gonna do, go Kim Possible on her ass?"**

**she laughs on the other line, "Yeah."**

"**You should come to my class, it's hella boring." I say.**

"**Um... that could be arranged. We have a sub today." she says.**

**That seriously brightened my day, "So you gonna ask her?"**

"**Him, Mr. Gray is our sub today." she says correcting me.**

"**The cute guy? Well, damn, maybe I should go there." I say laughing.**

**She giggles, "You can be so gay one moment then the next moment you're all over guys."**

"**Isn't that what you love about me?" I say.**

"**No! That actually sucks." she says laughing.**

"**You know I suck too..." I say acting quite flirty to change the subject. **

**I imagine her dimples turning red as I hear her laughter, "I know you do. So are you coming here or am I going there?"**

"**I'll go there if you want, who's all in there?" I ask because I don't want to be hanging out with any nerds or exes.**

"**Um... Sabrina, Jeremy... and I don't know. I only talk to Sabrina and Jeremy." she says.**

"**You talk to my brother? Don't leave me for him." I joke.**

**She laughs, "I could never leave you... I've tried on more than one occasion."**

**I laugh, "You think you're so funny."**

"**Well, I am... I get it from my girlfriend."**

**I blush then smile, "She must be pretty hot... and funny... and totally smoking."**

"**Actually no, she's just cute, I'm hotter than her."**

"**Hey! Well, you are pretty hot." I say and she laughs with me.**

"**So you would do me?" she asks.**

"**Yeah!" I screech and I catch Ms. Rodriguez's attention**

"**Excuse me, Roxy. Could you answer this question?" Ms. Rodriguez asks.**

"**Um... si?" I say taking a guess.**

**The teacher giggles in Spanish... if that's even possible. If it is, she's doing it, "No. Please pay attention and say goodbye to whoever you're talking to--"**

"**Okay." I talk into the phone, "I gotta--"**

"**On speaker please. Hopefully, you're talking to someone in Spanish so I can give you extra credit because you know talking on the phone in class is only for emergencies." she says making her G sound like a H so it sounds more like e-mer-HEN-cies. **

"**Um, adios mi amour?" I say questioning my wording.**

"**Adios, mi amiga. Hasta luego." Lily says saving my life as I hang up the phone. She only knows Spanish because I'm the best teacher in the world and maybe because her mom hired a Spanish maid... and her four years of Spanish.**

I've always felt so comfortable with Lily, that wasn't even after a year of dating. That was around our nine month, yeah, nine months. Without hesitation I would take her back, maybe it's only because of guilt though. I feel like her car accident was all my fault, if I hadn't yelled at her or broke up with her we'd be fine, right? No matter what everyone else tells me, I'm still gonna feel like it's my fault. I'm always to blame. How emo of me.

A car pulls up in front of me and honks. I look in the driver's side seat to see a vision of beauty to snap me out of Lily mode, "Hey." she says.

I stand up and smile while then walk over to her, "You're actually early... too early. I have two more classes left."

Erika turns off her car and looks up at me, "Well, that must mean you have lunch now?" she asks.

"Yeah, did you bring me something?" I ask and step back so she can get out.

She opens her door then closes it, "What could I get you?"

"McDonald's, Arby's, Chick-fil-a, Starbucks. I could go on." I say being a smart-ass.

She rolls her eyes, "No need. Next time I decide to be nice and surprise you, I'll bring you food, okay?" she asks.

I smile then nod, "That's just fine." she laughs then looks away from me, I assume she's blushing. "So I guess we're gonna eat lunch here?" I ask her.

"Because you wanna show off your college friend." she says.

I roll my eyes and sarcastically say, "Yep, you're right. I mean, no one else knows college people, I'm the only one."

She lightly hits me on the arm, "Okay, cut the sarcasm. Is there any good food here?"

I begin to walk away but then I quickly wrap my arm through Erika's arm and we walk, "The food here is just like the girls here. Looks appetizing but don't ever touch it."

She laughs, "Did you make that up?"

"Yeah, something I noticed while living in Hollywood." I say smiling.

"So you're saying that everyone in this state has no chance with you?" she asks.

I approach the table I see Kyla sitting with Rachel and Jeremy... Spencer and Carmen have to be somewhere around here, "Yeah, pretty much. Everyone here is all over the place."

I stop walking and so does she, "So that includes me?" she says looking at me.

I look at her then look away. I don't wanna tell her she basically doesn't have a chance with me but she doesn't. She's cute and all but... Lily. One word answer. I don't like crushing people unless they tick me off and Erika has done nothing... except for flirting with me nonstop.

I open my mouth to say something but Spencer walks up just in time, "Hey, Roxy." she says brushing her hand by my shoulder as she walks by.

I direct my attention to Spencer, "Hey, Spence. What's up?"

She sits beside Kyla, "Nothing, waiting for school to be over." she looks at Erika, "Who's you friend?"

I look at Erika and she's just smiling away, "This is Erika. She works at Pac Sun with me." I look back at Spencer, "She's a college student so don't say anything stupid around her."

Erika rolls her eyes at me playfully, "I'm sure you're all smarter than me, I only got into college because my dad paid them off."

Everyone laughs, "Well, everyone this is Erika, and Erika this is," as I say their names I point to them, "Jeremy, my little brother. Rachel, my twin, if you couldn't tell. Kyla, the smartest of us all and Spencer, my Ohio lover."

Spencer smiles and scoffs, "She means Ohio lover as in we both lived in Ohio... and we're still very much in love with it."

Erika nods her head and smiles, "Okay."

"Don't I get an introduction?" Carmen says walking up behind Spencer.

"Sorry." I look at Erika, "That is Carmen, the newbie to the group or Spencer's girlfriend but I prefer newbie.

* * *

::::::::::::::::A/N::::::::::::::::::::::::

Okay so Roxy didnt get overly angry, just a little peeved. And Spangs seems like a great couple, right? Wrong, i love to ruin happines :) lol xoxo


	19. Sokol

Carmen smiles, "So that's what you guys call me? Newbie?"

I nod slowly while looking at her, "Yeah, well I do when I forget you name."

Spencer gasps then laughs, "Leave her alone." Spencer says referring to Carmen.

"I'm just kidding, Carmen." I say looking at her and smiling, "You're cool."

Carmen gives me a nod and a thumbs up as Jeremy's standing up, "Well, this has been fun but I got a test to take so I'll catch you guys later." he says then walks away.

Rachel stands up, "Yeah, I better go too, I actually want an A for a change." Rachel blows us all kisses then walks away to class.

I whisper to Erika, "I do not know her."

Erika giggles, "Sure, y'all are long lost sisters."

"For sure." I nod and smirk at her.

She looks at me then the corners of her mouth turn up, "Mhmm." she says or doesn't say because she didn't even move her lips.

Kyla clears her throat as she stands up, "Well, I think I'm gonna go, too. I have things to do, you know, _Romeo & Juliet _yet again." she says smiling weakly.

"Loser." I say.

She rolls her eyes, "Don't have too much fun without me." she says looking at me then looking at Erika then she walks away. Um, if I'm not mistaken, and I don't think I am, she just gave Erika the you're-Satan look. I know that look by hard by now thanks to sweet old grandma Julia. Gotta love that women but she don't gotta love you.

"What's up with Kyla?" Spencer asks.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know."

"Okay," Spencer stands up then smiles at me, "Well, we're gonna go get something for lunch so I'll see--"

"Spencer," a voice says interrupting her, "Can I talk to you?" has to be Ashley.

I can sense the tension and I think Erika can too because she's looking from Ashley to Spencer. I notice that Ashley's looking down at Spencer and Carmen's hands, which are intertwined, "Actually," Spencer drops Carmen's hand to scratch her head, "We're going somewhere right now but, um, we can talk when I can get back."

Ashley stares at Spencer then looks over at me, "You know what?" Ashley looks back to Spencer, "Forget it, I'll see you around... if you ever have time." Ashley rolls her eyes then walks away from us.

Spencer sighs and looks over to me, she looks pretty stressed, "It's okay." I mouth to her.

She nods then exhales, "I'm ready to go when you are." Spencer says looking at Carmen.

"Okay, let's go." Carmen says grabbing Spencer's hand then brings it up to her mouth to kiss it. Spencer smiles weakly then they both walk away.

When everyone's out of view Erika speaks, "So was that weird or what?"

I look at her, "I'll go with or what because that was weirder than weird."

She laughs, "Yeah. Drama?"

I shake my head, "No, just Spencer and Ashley."

Erika nods, "Okay, so you wanna go get lunch since everyone left us here alone?"

"That sounds nice, I get to pick." I say walking to her car.

She catches up with me, "Why do you get to pick? It's my car."

"Because... I'm paying." I think of a very good answer.

"Okay." she says, "Whatever you want." she winks at me.

I smile and walk to the passenger's side and wait for her to unlock the doors, "Am I the princess or something?"

She unlocks her car with the key chain, "You wish."

I gasp jokingly, "How'd you know my wildest dream?"

She rolls her eyes at me, "Get in." Erika sits in her car. I wonder how this car ride is going to go. Actually, I wonder how this friendship might go and I use the term friendship loosely considering that I can see my self in bed with her. I am not conceded and my heart doesn't belong to her but there's definitely sexual tension between Erika and I. And I think the only way to end that is to-- "Um, any time now before lunch is over." Erika says.

I'm over thinking this. I get in the passenger's side seat then close the door, "Shut up and drive."

She smiles at me then starts the car, "You listen to too much music."

I roll down my window, "No such thing."

She shakes her head while smiling then pulls out of the parking lot, "Where are we going?"

"Um, we can go to Arby's. I'm in love with that place." I say thinking about those lovely curly fries and those jamocas.

"Arby's?" she asks.

"Yeah, what's wrong with Arby's?" I ask looking in her direction.

"Nothing, I'm just making sure that's what you wanted." she smiles... I think she's doing that flirty thing again. Two can play that game.

"Yeah, that's what I want... but that's only one of many." I say flirting with her.

She smiles and directs her attention to the road, "Just making sure, I know how you kids are very wishy-washy."

I roll my eyes and smile, "I'm not a kid."

"You're in high school." she says like that's a good comeback.

"And you're in college. I'm 18, trust me I'm not a kid."

She giggles, "And how are you gonna prove to me that you're not a kid?" wow, she's blushing like crazy and we're not even that deep into this game.

"I can think of many ways." I lick my lips, I know, I'm such a skank. So what? It's been a while... and I don't really hate to say it but I'm kinda a nymphomaniac.

The car behind us honks and Erika is very startled. I laugh, "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything... you're just really smooth." I say and she looks my way and gives me this really cute smile. Ugh, this is driving me crazy, you never realize how sex driven you are until... you're not getting any. I don't remember what I said to Kyla about having sex with Erika but whatever it was might be out of the door soon. Unless there's a loophole or something, like, I have sex with Kyla... actually, that statement was supposed to be filled with oodles of sarcasm but that wouldn't be horrible at all.

On the ride there and when we get our food we continue this flirting game. Every single moment Erika grows redder and redder if that's possible.

Although, I did find out some interesting facts about her. She knows Ashley... and I don't really wanna know how because knowing might ruin any thoughts that I have about Erika. Um, she has 4.0 in school, her roommate's out of town. Well, one of her roommate's are out of town the other is almost always there. She made it a point to tell me this... I think I should skip the rest of the day.

She pulls into King's parking lot, in the same place she was before and we settle down to eat a little piece of what they call heaven. I take a bit of my curly fries, "Mm, this is the best."

I feel her eyes on the right side of my face, "Yeah, it's okay."

I look over at her, "Okay? No, it's the best."

"Fine, it's the best." she says giving in fairly easy.

"Wow," I stuff another fry in my mouth, "You're such a push over."

She scoffs, "I am not."

* * *

:::::::::::::::::A/N:::::::::::::::::::::;

do u guys forsee any hanky panky for Roxy and Erika? because i sure do. And I see a very jealous but very secretive Kyla but hey what do i know? i'm only the girl who writes it lol

xoxo


	20. So now u care

"Sure, you are." I say.

"Sure I'm not." she says.

I shake my head, "You are."

"Not." she says.

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not." she says smiling.

I look up at her in the eyes, "Are."

She doesn't say anything ,she just stares, "You have really intense eyes."

I wrinkle my brow because I'm a bit confused, "Um, where'd that come from?"

"My mouth or are you blind?" she says trying to funny.

I smile at her joke, "Nice."

"You're rubbing off on me." she says smiling at me.

"Is that a good thing?" I ask and she looks down at her food, sitting in her lap. I shake my head and unwrap my bacon cheddar sandwich, "So what are you doing after you leave here?"

She pops a chicken nugget in her mouth, "I don't know, I'll probably go home and wait around until work."

I look up at her before taking a bite of my sandwich, "I think you need a bit of Roxy time because your life sounds kinda boring." then a bite of my sandwich... heaven.

"I thought this was Roxy time." she says looking up at me.

I put down my sandwich and look at her, "No, not even close."

"So what do you have in mind?" she asks.

I look up at her car roof then back in her eyes, which are an amazing shade of green, "Um, wanna assists me in skipping the rest of school?"

She smirks and blinks slowly at me, "Hmm, I've never been an accessory to a crime before."

"Well, there's a first time for everything." I say smiling, all flirty like. And I guess she notices because she takes this moment to lean in to kiss me and I lean right back in to return the action. I close my eyes for at least three seconds before I open my eyes and see Ashley sitting in her car out of the corner of my eye. I stop kissing Erika then look at Ashley head on, she's giving me that i-hate-you glare again. "Shit." I say whispering but not really.

I guess Erika's blocking Ashley in, "I'm sorry." Erika says.

I stare at Ashley until it registers what Erika is talking to me, "Oh, no, I wasn't saying shit to that—us--the kiss or whatever." I look back at Ashley who is waving her hand around which, I guess, means tell Erika to move her car. "Um, Ashley wants you to move your car."

She looks from me to Ashley, "Oh sorry," she turns the car on then backs up for Ashley. Ashley zooms by in her car but not before rolling her eyes at me and flicking me off, sweet little lady.

Erika turns off her car then looks over at me and I look over at her and smile weakly, "Um, I'm sorry about that."

I shake my head at Ashley's action then look over at Erika, "What?" I ask.

"I'm sorry about kissing you." she says quietly.

I shake my head at her, "No, no, no, that's okay." I place my hand on hers, "It was absolutely okay." I smile at her and give her the signal to kiss me again by looking at her lips and licking mine.

She picks up on this so she smiles and leans in to kiss me. While we're kissing, I can't help but think what Ashley's gonna do with this information. I mean, I don't see why Ashley would tell Kyla. Kyla and I are not together but I don't want Kyla to know about this. Yeah, I'm doing it again because I'm horny but... ugh, I guess in my head I think I have a chance with Kyla and this little stunt would bring that down lower. I'm sure my chance is, like, one percent and this would bring it down to zero point sixty-two.

And what about Lily? It's not like I have to _worry_ about her but I mean I'm still _supposed _to be in love with her.

We back off of each other and Erika smiles and blushes at me, "Good for a kid, right?" I ask.

She scoffs, "Maybe."

"Are you trying to play it cool? Because I think your cheeks are giving you away." I say staring at her fire engine red cheeks.

She places her hands over her cheeks, "I am playing it cool."

I smile, "I hate to say it but you're not doing a very good job at it."

She laughs, "Okay, well, maybe I'm not."

I continue to stare at her until the bell rings. I look over to the courtyard and see kids getting up to walk to class, "I guess I better head to class."

"I thought I was suppose to help you escape." she says.

"Well, you're too much of a goody two shoes for that." I say with a smirk on my face.

She rolls her eyes, "No, I'm not."

"So does this mean that you're gonna take me somewhere?" I ask.

She sighs, "Yeah, we're going back to my place."

I smile, "Okay, then let's go."

She turns on her car, "You have one last chance to back out."

I scoff and roll my eyes, "No, you're the one with the last chance." she looks at me and smiles, I think that's the first time I've seen a sinister smile come from her.

We drive around for a few hours an now it's two hours before I have to be at work, so it's two pm. We went to see a movie... actually more than one movie but we only paid for one, hey, who cares? We kiss a few more times but it doesn't feel right. I mean, she's a good kisser but there's no initial spark and that's what my life revolves around: sparks. But I did find out more stuff about her though, and I told her stuff about me. I updated her on the Lily situation and told her how she should be fine in a while. Erika seemed to stiffen up when I talked about her, well, not necessarily stiffen up. I don't know what to call it.

We park in front of my house and I don't see my mom or my dad's car so I assume there not here, "Wanna come up? I don't think my parents or my grandma's here."

She looks through the windshield at my house, "How could you tell, your house could fit six houses in there?"

I laugh, "Yeah, I get that all the time." I say, "So you wanna come up?

"Yeah, we have time before I have to go to school and you have to go to work." she says.

"You have to go to school?" I ask.

"Yep, my professor wasn't there this morning so he's doing a night class. I got a text from one of my classmates when we were watching Resident Evil: Extinction." she says.

"Oh, so are you still taking me to work?" I ask.

She nods, "Yeah, I have to be at school at five so I'll drop you at four."

"Darryl know?" I ask not trying to be nosy, just trying to figure out what's up considering I already have to ask for some time off. Tomorrow, for the stupid concert, which I don't know how I'm going to get through right now.

"Yeah, he understands. I texted him." she says.

"I was wondering because I need to ask for some time off tomorrow." I say.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because," I look at my house then back to her, "I'll tell you when we get inside." I say.

"Okay." she says then turns off her car.

We both get out of the car and walk up to my front door. I let her park in the front of the house because I don't care if mom and dad come home. I'm pretty sure they won't. I think mom will be home later because she has stuff to take care off with grandma. And dad... dad can do whatever he wants to, I couldn't care less.

I stick my key into the lock and I notice that my knuckles are still looking pretty bad. I haven't been wearing the bandage that Jeremy made me because I'd rather not draw attention to them. No one's asked about them since the bandage came off. I probably wouldn't tell them anyways. I shake my head and open the door.


	21. Flynn

I walk in then Erika follows behind me after she closes and locks the door behind herself. I walk into the kitchen and look through the fridge, "You thirsty? We have Yoo-hoo, Sprite, Cola and some juices." I look at her.

She shakes her head, "No, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Um, well I guess I'll have a Cola." she says.

I nod and grab a sprite and a cola out of the fridge. I close the door and walk over to Erika to hand her the drink, "Here you go." I say.

She takes it from me, "Thanks."

I shake my head and shrug, "No problem, let's go up to my room." I say then walk to my stairs. We both walk up my stairs then into my room. I close the door behind her and she sits on my bed looking around my room, "Like my room?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's so... huge." Erika says.

"That's what she said." I say sounding like one of those stupid kids at school.

She smiles, "I'm sure but seriously how rich are you?"

I pop open the can of soda then sit down at my computer, "Um, a lot of rich? That doesn't make sense but that's the only way I can explain it. My mom and my dad are both heirs to their parents companies. And plus my parents make a lot money."

"Marry me so I can be in the family." she jokes.

I laugh, "Yeah, okay, you'd kill yourself. I mean, it's cool being wealthy but this family is super crazy. Like, crazy shit happens."

"Like what?" she says opening her cola.

I take one sip of my drink then clear my throat, "Like a lot of deaths and adultery. Just crazy stuff. For example, my dad cheated on my mom... twice. He's cheating on her right now and I don't think she cares because I totally think she's hitting on someone from church." I say chuckling.

"And the deaths part?" she asks smiling.

"Well, my sister's boyfriend died back in Ohio but that really has nothing to do with my family unless my parents hired a hit man because they hated him. I'm just saying just because we have money doesn't mean we're always happy and peachy keen, you know?"

She nods, "Well, everyone has there problems, it's life." she says smiling.

I look away from her to the place where my mirror used to be before I decided to smash it, "Yeah."

She looks over to where I'm staring, "Somethings missing , right?"

I look at her quickly, "What?" I ask.

She looks back to me too, "Something's missing from our kisses, right?" she says.

"Um, what do you mean?" I ask playing stupid, I mean I'm not going to be like yeah, pretty much.

"There's no spark." she says still smiling, she doesn't seem sad about it.

"Uh, sorry, no, but--" I try to save her poor heart.

"Don't worry about it, it's not like I was looking for love or anything. We can just be friends." she says.

I smile, "I like that idea. And if we kiss occasionally, who cares?" I say trying to throw that in there.

She smiles and nods, "And if we get naked in a shower together, who are we to say no?" she says.

We both laugh, "So we're just friends?" I ask.

She shrugs, "Yeah, for now. I mean, maybe somewhere in the future there's a place for us to try this."

"Maybe." I say.

"And plus you have school and I have school. You have girl problems and I have girl problems." she says.

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"Well, I don't expect you to be okay with your girlfriend—ex-girlfriend in the hospital. If I were you I'd be in tears, locked up in my room and you're not doing that but I know that you're at least a little afraid or mad at yourself." she says like she can read me like a book. Is there a stick-it note on my forehead telling her this?

I touch my forehead just make sure then I pretend like I'm smoothing my hair down, "How can you know all that?"

"It's common sense. You're human. Only a monster would be totally okay." she says.

"Yeah," I think about the recent information Miranda gave me, "But starting to feel more okay. I talked to Miranda."

"Miranda? Is that the one that--"

I nod, "Yeah, the one that Lily kissed, yeah." I say cutting her off.

"Why did she call you?"

"Kyla made me realize that things are set to high on the fuck-o-meter so I decided to think things out and I realized it doesn't help to be mad at her." Erika nods, "So she calls me at school, before I called you actually, and we talked. She told me that Lily should be awake by Monday and she also should be mobile." I say then look out the window.

"That's a good thing, right?"

I continue to stare out of the window, "Yeah. In a way, of course." I look at her, "Come here, I wanna show you something." I'll open up to her and see how well it goes.

"Okay." she walks over and stands behind me. I open Firefox then type in Myspace, "You're gonna show me your page?"

"Just wait." I type in my e-mail and then my password to login. The next page shows my notifications like new comments, new picture comments, etc. I click on my comments and I let her read them, "This is why I don't get on anymore." I say.

She leans in over my shoulder and begins to read the comments, "I hope you're having fun in L.A while your girlfriend dies. Why didn't she break up with you?" Erika continues reading more of the comments and she stops after reading, "You should kill yourself if she dies, you slut." Erika sighs and looks away from the computer.

I click home, "Yeah, they're all missing me there, huh?" I say smiling and with a hint of sarcasm.

She shakes her head behind me, "Why are they so pissed at you?"

I look at Erika, "Because they don't know the whole story. It's easier to blame me because I'm a black sheep or whatever."

"How long has this been going on?" she asks.

"Well, ever since Lily got into the car accident, they've been telling me to kill myself." I chuckle, it's kinda funny, "The whole breaking up ideas were there way before the accident, like, ever since our nine month anniversary. Maybe even before that." I say feeling pretty comfortable saying that because I'm so use to it.

"How do you know that for sure?" she says sitting behind me, on my bed.

I swivel around to face her , "Um, on our year anniversary, we skipped school and we," I try to think of a good way to word it, "we got rid of all the sexual frustration that was building up between us." Erika laughs and then I to tell her the story.

**I don't think life could get any better than it is right now. Only thing I would change is the fact that we can't runaway together, well, not now at least. **

**After such strenuous acts I'm hella tired and super close to falling to sleep. I didn't even get any sleep yesterday because I was thinking about what would happen today. It's very unlike me but we planned all this out. She wanted to wait until she knew she loved me and this means that she definitely loves me.**

"**Are you falling asleep on me?" she asks, talking to me even though my back is facing her. I don't feel like flipping over, her bed is just too comfortable.**

"**I'm not falling asleep on you, just near you." I say, mumbling every word but somehow she understands.**

**She begins to bounce up and down on the bed, "No, you can't sleep now."**

**I have to stop her from bouncing so I turn over, as slowly as I can, "Stop bouncing." I say to her.**

**She scoots down because she was sitting up in the bed and looks me in the eyes, "Are you gonna get up?"**

**I close my eyes, "Nope."**

**I feel her hand on my face and even then I don't open my eyes, "Please, for me? I love looking at your eyes."**

**I crack my eyes a little so she can see them a little, "Good?"**

"**Better but you can open them wider." she says. I decide to give her what she wants so I open my eyes. And stare directly at her. **

"**My eyes? You're the one with those beautiful, hazel eyes." I smile remembering that her eyes were one of the reasons why I'm so into her.**

**She rolls her eyes and continues to rub my cheek, "I like your eyes better. They're so blue and amazing."**

**I scoff then close my eyes, "Well, now you can't see them."**

**She places both hands on my face and tries to pry my eyes open; I keep them closed. We laugh as she still tries to open them. I finally wrestle her hands away from my face and hold them in mine. She gives up and places her hands on her stomach, I wiggle my left arm under her head and place my right arm around her body with my hand lying on her stomach along with her hands. **

**I keep my eyes closed as I circle my finger around her belly button, "Looks like I won that round."**

**She kisses my nose, "Don't get too use to it."**

**I open my eyes to look at her, "Too late."**

**She smiles, "I love you."**

"**I love you, too." I say studying her face, I feel like she grows more beautiful every day.**

"**I love you more." she says like we're in competition.**

"**How much more?" I say looking down at our hands because by this time she decides to play with my fingers.**

"**Um, more than ice cream on a hot, summer day." she says.**

"**Hmm, well, I love you more than..." I try to think of something, "More than presents on Christmas."**

"**Nice one but I love you more than Hannah Montana."**

**I smile, "Ooh, you're telling me I beat Hannah? I feel so honored." she laughs, "I love you more than Paramore—not Hayley from Paramore—but I love you more than Paramore."**

**She hits my hand lightly, "That's sweet."**

"**I know." I say.**

"**You're such a jerk sometimes," she says smiling, "And yet here I am."**

"**Yeah," I take my right hand from under her to prop my body up, "Why? Are you crazy?" I ask.**

**She nods and laughs, "Yeah, totally."**

**I roll my eyes while smiling, "You must be." I say then slide my right arm back into the position it was.**

**She goes back to playing with my fingers, "I'm so glad we missed school today."**

"**Yeah, me--" her phone vibrates like crazy on then table closest to her, "Who is that? They called, like, crazy while we were... doing the crazy." I say.**

**She sighs then sits up to grab her phone. She looks at her Sidekick then rolls her eyes, "Don't worry about it."**

"**Who is it?" I ask.**

**She places the sidekick on the opposite side of her from me, "Don't worry about it."**

"**Now I'm going to worry about it, just let me see." I say.**

**She sighs then hands over the phone to me, "Here."**

**I take the phone from her and look through her text messages because that's all she ever really does on this phone. Jesus, she got 10 texts in the past 3 hours. I begin to read the latest one, "She hasn't cheated on you yet?" I smile then roll my eyes and move on to the next text, "Love her? I bet she doesn't love you." I look over to Lily, "So your friends hate me?"**

"**No, that's not--"**

**I cut her off, "Hold on, let me read one more." I look for the oldest one which was two weeks ago, "She's nothing but scum, her parents may have money but she's totally trash. And a slut, why are you with her again?" whoever that was probably doesn't even know me. I close the phone and give it back to her then roll over on my side, way from her.**

**She takes it and tosses it on the table. She sees that I'm kinda upset so she rolls me over on my back and sits on top of me, "I love you." **

**I sigh and stare at the ceiling, "I love you too." I say.**

"**Look at me," she says; I don't. She places both of her hands on each of my cheeks to make me look at her, "I love you."**

**I have to stare at her because she's a strong little broad, must be because of cheer leading; be aggressive, B-E aggressive. "I already said it."**

"**Well, say it again."**

"**Why?" I ask exhausted, well, I am but this whole "hate me" thing is making it a tiny bit worse.**

"**Because I wanna hear it again." she says.**

**I sigh then roll my eyes, "I love you, happy now?"**

**She makes an exasperated noise and pick up my hands and begins to play with them, "Look, I'm sorry about my friends, they don't know us--"**

**I look her directly in the eye, "Why didn't you tell me they felt this way?"**

"**Because I didn't want you to get mad and try to kill them." she tries to make a joke but it doesn't work and she knows it didn't because I'm pissed, "Well, you are mad."**

"**Yeah, I am mad. You expect me not to be?" I say.**

"**No—I mean yeah. Well, it's not a big deal." she says smiling sadly at me.**

"**Of course it is, these people influence you, if they told you to dump me then--"**

**She cuts me off, "I wouldn't do it. They've told me many times before and I haven't done it and never will."**

"**They told you before?" I say surprised but I shouldn't be, "That's crazy. Am I that horrible?" I scoff but smile.**

"**No, no, no," she pulls her face close to mine and presses her forehead on mine, "God, no. you're amazing."**

**I look down, away from her face even though it's super close, I can see her bra. I think I bought her that... first time I've ever seen it on her, though. It's pink and lacy and—getting off topic, "Apparently, I'm scum as your friend put it." I look into her eyes, smiling weakly.**

"**No, you aren't. You may be a pain in the ass and a little rambunctious but you're my little pain in the ass and I love you for it. I don't care what my friends think, I would give up cheer leading if I had to choose." She smiles, "You are my life, I know that's sad but it's true."**

**She's makes me feel so... worth it. "That is sad." I smirk at her.**

**She kisses me then looks down at her bra or at least I thought she was, "I like your bra," she looks back up at me smiling, "a lot."**

**I look down at her bra, "I like your bra better on the floor." **

**She smiles and blushes, "Maybe that can be arranged." I toss the sheets over us and we go for round two...**


	22. Envy me, kids

After I get down telling her the story she just smiles at me, "What?" I say.

She just smiles, "That just sounds really cute."

I give a sarcastic laugh, "Right. Which part? The part where her friends hated me?" I say not seeing how any of that was cute. Well, maybe the going for round two but I wouldn't exactly call that cute, just horny.

"No. The part where you're her world." Erika says looking at me smiling.

I roll my eyes, "Well, all that's over now." I swivel the chair around to face the computer and decide to roll down memory lane. I go to Lily's Myspace and try my best to look past all the horrible comments people said about me to her. I click on her default picture to get to her photo albums. There's one that says 'my pictures' and another that says 'My painkiller', she called me her painkiller because I was always there to pick her up when she was down. Key word: was.

I feel Erika standing over me but I keep on looking through the pictures. They're just memories now anyways. I click the album that basically refers to me. There are a lot of pictures and under each picture there are song lyrics from my favorite songs that I think sound pretty. There's one that says "You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom." from Motion City Soundtrack's 'Hold Me Down'. Lily took that picture of me as I was climbing out of her room window. Of course I wasn't suppose to be there but I screwed up the night before and got her mad at me so I had to go over. I'm sitting in her windowsill with one leg on both sides smiling at her and the sun is just coming up over the horizon.

And then there's my super favorite picture of us together; my friend Kylie took it of us. The caption says , "The chemistry between us could destroy this place". We were sitting in Kylie's house because I convinced Lily to skip with me but we didn't have anywhere to go because she was afraid she was gonna get caught or something. So we pretty much just slept on Kylie's couch. I'm lying my head on my left arm and my other arm is resting over Lily. Her left hand is intertwined with my right and I think it's just the peacefullest picture in the world. And all the picture comments are saying how cute we are, half the people are the same ones that said, a year ago, that I was scum and was a jerk. I guess they finally realized I wasn't going anywhere and that I was the best for her... now where is that great heroine?

"How much time did you get to spend together?" Erika asks from over my shoulder.

"Uh... weekends, after school, nights and sometimes during school if we skipped or on the super off chance that we got detention together." I laugh, "She was the good one so there was like a 2 chance that she was in there with me, the bad girl."

"Nights?" she asks, "Her parents let you sleep over knowing that you guys were..."

I click the 'next' link so I can go to the picture which is a funny one. She was teaching me how to do one of her stupid cheers and I look so dumb doing it. The caption under this one is: confess all the faith that I had in you. "Ha, yeah right. No. Her mom hated me from day one. I'd sneak in her window, which was on the second floor but I'm crafty, and go to sleep with her."

Erika chuckles a little, "So you did that every night?"

"Nope, I did it when we got into fights, well, whenever I wanted to." I smile at the picture, "We hated going to bed mad at each other. I really hated it when she use to hang up on me and not answer her phone when I called back. And I would only call her back once and if she didn't answer I'd go over there." I laugh, "I'm a stalker."

Erika laughs, "That's really sweet."

"Yeah, we actually got into a fight about that while I was here. Right before she got into the car accident. She asked what I was gonna do now that I couldn't come over and I didn't have an answer for her. All I said was if I could be there then I would." I sigh, "Distance really sucks."

I hear my bed springs squeak as Erika sits on my bed, "I couldn't do what you're doing."

I swivel around in the computer chair to look at Erika, "And what exactly is it that I'm doing?"

"You just seem so composed, I would definitely freak out and jump off the edge." Erika says joking but probably not realizing I've thought about it on more than one occasion.

I scoff, "Ha, if only you knew. " she gives me a weird look. I get up out of the chair and walk over to my dresser to fix my picture frame; it was lying face down. With good reason, it's a picture of Lily and I. "Well, don't you have any stories to tell? Exciting and crazy lesbian escapades?" I ask trying to change the subject.

She laughs, "Sadly enough, no. after living here for so long, all my relationships have all been pretty calm."

I turn around to face Erika, "That's surprising. The hell mouth opened and I've only been living here for like three months." Erika laughs as I look at my alarm clock, that reads 2:46 pm. "It's almost three, let me hop in the shower. I don't want you being late to school." I say opening my very top drawer to look for a panties and a bra.

"Okay, I guess I'll just..." she looks over to my computer, "Get on Myspace or something."

I nod then walk over to my closet where I pick out a Roxy shirt and a pair of Roxy jeans. I make sure to spread them out on the bed so that it looks like how I would wear them. "Um, okay. You can answer my cell if it rings and tell them I'm in the shower... not my mom, though. I don't think she'll call but don't answer it if she calls."

"Dodging your mom?" she asks, who doesn't?

I smile as I walk to my door, "Always."

I walk to the bathroom which I feel hasn't been crowded by my siblings in a very long time. I close the door behind me then place my underclothes and my towel on the toilet. I sigh then turn to face the mirror; I place my palms on the counter top and lean into the mirror. I look my mirror self in the eyes. Okay, I've been keeping it together to save face, I can do it a little bit longer.I stare at myself for a few more seconds before stripping down and getting into the shower.

I like to take super hot, long showers but I can settle for super hot considering that I don't want Erika to be late to school. You know, I pretty much told Erika everything. Except for the whole I got into a fight with my mirror thing but she doesn't really need to know that.

I spend a short thirty minutes in the shower washing my hair and shaving my arms and legs. I step out of the shower then dry off with my favorite blue towel before putting on my underclothes. I wrap the towel around myself. I check myself out in the mirror, I'm not gonna blow dry my hair, it looks just fine. After staring at myself in the mirror, I turn of the light then walk into my room, "Um, Kyla?" Erika says turning from the computer to look at me.

I raise my left eyebrow, "What about her?"

"She called." Erika says, "She wants you to call her whenever you get a chance."

I nod, "Okay, did she say why?" I walk over to the area where I lied my clothes down.

Erika turns back around to face the computer, "Nope, she just wants you to call her back."

"Oh." I say dropping my towel and sliding on my jeans.

"So..." she says drawing out the word, "What's up with you guys?"

I walk to my dresser to put on deodorant and body spray, "What guys? What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I'm talking about you and Kyla. Do you have history?" she asks.

I scoff then roll my eyes, "Ha, no." I walk back over to the bed to put on my shirt.

"Well, you sure could've fooled me." she laughs.

After pulling my shirt over my head I ask, "What?"

"She gave me the look of pure hate." Erika says still talking into the computer.

* * *

**:::::::::::A/N:::::::::::::**

Hmm, trust me it's gonna get alot weirder into the next few chapters. I'll give it away, Ashley and Roxy spend the night together and Spencer finds out. Gasp well, not in the next chapter buuuuuut soon to come. It's gonna be some good stuff, just trust, lol. Hmm and maybe Lily comes back and... Spashley? So what do you think?

xoxo


	23. Cowboy Bebop

I feel a sneeze coming on, "Why does that—achoo--why does that have to be because of me?"

"Bless you." she says but I'm thinking it's just mostly out of habit. I find myself saying it all the time even though I don't really believe it.

"Please don't, I'd rather stay the devil reincarnate." I say as I sit on my bed to put on my socks, "Now why?"

"Well," she turns around to face me, "I'm sure everything has to do with you at that school." Erika says smiling.

I put myself on pause and look up at Erika smiling, "What? Why?"

Erika laughs, "I don't know. It's just that it seems like all the drama unfolds around you."

I roll my eyes while still smiling, "That may be so but—hey, you ever thought Kyla just hated you because you're you?"

Erika scoffs then turns back to the computer, "She doesn't know me so it's probably you."

"You sound way too sure of that." I say.

She giggles, "I'm damn sure, actually. If not, then prove me wrong." she waits five seconds before typing on the computer, "Exactly."

I scoff and roll my eyes because I feel like she definitely has me pegged. Am I seriously that easy to read? Should I tell her that I think I'm in love with Ky? Maybe her gaydar will give me a little insight. I sigh, "I like her." I say trying to act nonchalant by putting on my left sock.

Erika continues tapping on the keyboard, "Yeah and?"

I stand up with only my left sock on and walk over to Erika. I stand next to her then glare at her, "And? What do you mean and?"

She looks up at me, "Well, I just sense it. Let me guess, you like her and she's like you're best friend and she claims to be straight."

I nod, "Yeah but, claims to be straight?"

Erika smiles, "Well, it's been brought to my attention, through experience, that all girls are straight until they're not." I raise one of my eyebrows so she continues to explain, "Girls are afraid to take risks especially if it has something to do with another girl. I'm sure you were claiming to being straight until you took the risk, right?"

"But not everyone's like that." I say trying to make Kyla seem less gay so I don't get my hopes up.

Erika scoffs, "But you don't know that. All girls are bi, proven fact."

"Oh, yeah, right." I roll my eyes and scoff.

"Every girl in the span of their lifetime will have a lesbian experience." she smiles, "Some girls just enjoy it more than others but all girls enjoy it." I laugh because that seems to make a lot of sense to me. "Now I don't know you're ex-girlfriend but I'm sure before you came along she was making 'The Claim'."

I burst with laughter; I haven't heard anything that funny in while, "You're right, Erika, there's not doubt. I'm not even gonna argue."

She shrugs while smiling, "You'd just make a fool out of yourself." she laughs.

I shake my head then walk back over to my bed. I sit down and begin putting on the right sock, "I would, I would."

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Erika asks.

"Do about what? Kyla?" I ask stupidly, of course she's talking about Kyla, I'm just buying time.

"Uh, yeah. Are you gonna tell her?" Erika says looking at me. I shrug; Erika stands right in front of me, "Don't just shrug your shoulders. Go for it."

I look up at her then roll my eyes, "She's straight--"

"For now." Erika says before sighing and squatting down to look me in the eyes, "Look, take a risk."

I look at her, "I've taken too many risks lately and look at where it's gotten me." I spread my arms out to emphasize my point, "I'm miserable."

Erika grabs my wrists and pulls them back into me, "Okay, you've just been taking the wrong risks. Well, not really because all of those other risks lead to this one. And this one could be the best one you take--"

I nod my head, "Yeah, yeah, just like my risk with Lily was supposed to be the best one ever? Erika, just--"

* * *

**:::::AN::::**

Is Roxy gonna blow up on Erika? Or they gonna kiss and make up? lol im just mouthing off, this isn't important, not at all. But Roxy and Ashley sleeping together coming up soon.

xoxo


	24. Chick

**:::A/N:::**

**Wow, I haven't posted in a long time but I have been writing a lot. I've been promising some Roxy-Ashley action and that's... that's**** soon to come. Not in this chapter though, in the next two for sure. Promise.**

**So I guess I should recap... **

**Roxy thinks she's in love with Kyla// Lily's still in the hospital from the car accident // Spencer's with Carmen who is not Ashley//**

**And I think those are the basics...**

**Enjoy.**

Erika stands up, "No, I won't leave it alone. My gaydar is the shit. Go for it or you really will regret it." Erika turns her head to look at the computer, "Are you ready to go, it's almost three thirty."

I sigh and shake my head then stand up, "Yeah, let's go. I don't want you to be late."

Erika picks her keys up off the computer stand, "Let's go then." she walks to my door and I just stare at her, "C'mon, I have to pick someone up before I go to school."

As I walk to the door she walks away from me, downstairs. She reaches the bottom of the stairs and just looks up at me as I'm slowly coming down the stairs, "Fine." I say, thinking she wants me to move faster so I start to skip steps. I hope off the final stair, smiling at her, "Ready."

She rolls her eyes and heads to the door, "Let's G-O, go." She walks to the door and I follow two feet behind her until I hear a buzzing sound, or beeping, I'm really not sure.

"Hold on one second." I say then walk into the dining room where no one dines. My dad uses it like an office, all his papers are scattered all over the long brown table. I stand in the doorway to look for the buzzing/beeping object. I mean, I don't wanna just walk in and have something attack me, like a bee or something, I'm deathly afraid of bees.

I squint my eyes as they wonder all over the table—ah-ha, it's a cell phone. I walk around the table to go get it. I pick it up to look at it. Apparently my father is a very popular man because on his missed calls log I see nothing but women names. Cindy, Michelle, Erin, April... the only name that could pass for a dudes' name is Erin but I doubt it.

My dad's a cheater, it's fine. I guess my mom would be unbearable after twenty years of a psycho marriage but it's one of those situations where they're "staying together for the kids". I think that only works when the kids don't know that their parents are cheating on one another. Whatever, I never had an idea in my head that my parents were perfect, far from it, actually.

So either my dad's somewhere in the house or he's close by. Or he might be on his way back here to get his cell. His cell's just as important to him as mine is to me, that's where the similarities between us come in... probably the only one, actually. I decide to put the phone back down on the table and get out of here before I run into him, it's always so awkward since I got back from camp. Maybe one day I'll talk to him about it, when things aren't as crazy as they are now.

I walk back to the front door only to see Erika leaning on the door talking to someone on her cell, "...look, I don't wanna talk right now I—that's none of your business why...ugh, you're such a jackass sometimes, Meg, this is why we broke—" she pauses and gets this appalled look on her face which is followed by an angry face, "No, I'm not talking about this now. Get over it, I'll talk to you later." Erika just hangs up her phone without waiting for the other person to say anything. Wow, angry Erika... hot but I would not fuck with her now.

"You, uh, ready to go? Or do you wanna go punch something?" I say quietly.

It takes her a while to respond, she takes her attention from her thoughts then looks at me, "What?" she processes my question, "Yeah, let's go." She turns around to face the door then unlocks all the locks the swings the door open. Luckily I catch the door before it slams into the wall, my mom would probably have a heart attack or she'd just take it as a sign to refurnish the house.

I watch Erika walk to her car, get in then slam the door before I close the front door and lock it. She's scary, but scary hot. God, why is there no spark between us!

After having Erika drive me around for five minutes in silence I finally have to say something, "So... you're scary." simple.

She stops at a stoplight so she glances away from the road to look at me, "What?" she says like I just uttered fighting words. I guess she notices this because she sighs and says it sweeter, "Sorry, what'd you say?"

"I said you're scary."

She smiles, "Yeah, sorry about that. My ex-girlfriend."

"So she really pissed you off? I get that." I say relating to her exasperation.

The light turns green so she directs her attention to the road but she still talks to me, "Ever since we broke up she just—just can't stay out of my life. I mean, every once in a while we get together and... you know but I always say that it means nothing at the very beginning." she sighs, "It's just really annoying to have someone breathing down your neck all the time, watching your every move."

I smile, "That's how a felt at 'Sinner's camp'." she laughs, "When we were supposed to be reading from the bible I always stared elsewhere, usually at one of the camp counselor's cleavage."

She laughs, "You could look but you couldn't touch right?" she says turning a corner.

I laugh, "Actually...no."

"No?" she says confused.

I laugh harder, "I... had relations with one of the counselors."

"You turned her gay?" Erika laughs.

I shake my head, "No, she was supposed to be 'reformed'," I use air quotes, "but I guess I 'formed' her. I don't know if that's the word. All the counselors they were, at some point, into the same sex and they supposedly became 'normal'." There goes those air quotes again, "Yeah, right. There was basically nothing but sex happening there. It was only when you got caught doing something you weren't supposed to when they decided to get super religious. That's what made me so fucking screwed up. I hated that place but at the same time I kinda appreciated it... great, experienced camp counselors." I smile big.

She laughs, "That's just... crazy, there's only one word for that."

I shrug, "I'd said awesomely hellish or hellishly awesome. It sucked but it rocked, the ultimate contradiction." I have to smile, that's kinda of like a big word for me.

She smiles at me while we wait at another stoplight, "I like it, maybe I should go there."

I shake my head, "No, I would never wish that place one anyone, not even Ashley, who I supposedly hate."

"Ashley Davies..." is all she says then sighs, "Such a hand full."

I nod slowly while staring blankly out of the front window, "She's like twelve handfuls and a shot of tequila." I say laughing then look at Erika; she smiles, "So what happened with you and Ashley anyways? I mean all you told me was you hung out and stuff, what's the stuff part?"

The light turns green as Erika clears her throat, she drives, "We were friends."

"Just friends?" I ask because I'm nosey.

I look at her just in time to see her roll her eyes, "No."

I expected that, I'm not at all surpised.

**:::A/N:::**

**Who would be surprised? Lol. Any ideas on what went down between Erika and Ashley?**

**xoxo**


	25. I'll have you know i'm scared to death

**:::AN::::**

**So Erika and Ashley have history… does that help the could be Ashley and Roxy relationship or the Roxy and Erika relationship or neither? Psh, is there even a relationship? Lol I've been given a lot of ideas on what should happen with Roxy's love life, like, Ashley and Roxy and Roxy and Lily oh and the one I find interesting was Roxy does a complete 360 and goes out with Aiden… gross. Lol. But I don't know where this is going, honestly, I surprise myself when I'm done with each chapter. I'm always like, "'oh my gawd, I cant believe that happened."**

**Okay, seriously though, thanks for all the feedback, I'll take everything into account.**

"Well," I start to move my hands frantically in a rolling motion, "details, details."

"Ashley and Meg were best friends and I guess Ashley and ...Spencer?" she says asking if rather or not Spencer was her girlfriend's name at the time. I nod so she continues, "Well, they were on a break and me and Meg were at each other's throat so we broke up."

"Yeah." I say egging her on.

"And both of us—both couples—had been separated for, like, a week already but we all still hung out. Well, Ashley, Meg and I hung out together, not Spencer." she clears her throat again, "So Meg left my place to go to work and left Ashley and I alone at my place one time." Erika explains the story in detail.

Basically, when Meg left for work Ashley got the bright idea of drinking the Smirnoff Vodka bottle in it's entirety and Meg didn't disagree. They wanted to drink their problems away. After half the bottle was gone that's when things started getting crazy. The nervous game was posed by one of them but Erika can't remember. Anyways, as time went on neither of them got nervous and then the shirts came off and then Meg got off early and walked in on them.

"Why does she have a key?" I ask.

"Well, aside from being my girlfriend—ex-girlfriend, she was my best friend so I trusted her with everything."

"Okay, continue." I say being very interested.

"So she walks in and sees me with my hands all over Ashley's bra and Ashley's hands all up my skirt--"

"Amazing." I interrupt, I just had to. I mean, Erika in a skirt... I'm thinking she'd be the hottest around.

She smiles, "Meg rushes over to Ashley and pushes her away from me. I was just in shock, but I didn't feel bad. Meg wasn't even my girlfriend, she dumped me."

"I get that."

"But after Meg pushes Ashley she looks at me and that's when I felt horrible. Her eyes were so full of... hurt but it was worst than that." she pauses for a second, "So after she pushes Ashley to the floor she grabs my arm tight and pulls me up and asks me why and I didn't have an answer so she looked over to Ashley and then she just left."

"What did Ashley do?" I ask wondering how Ashley would react if she saw Carmen and Spencer in full make out mode.

"Ashley stood up, looked at me and said 'So where were we?' And I just shook my head and said nowhere." I laugh, "And ever since then I haven't hung out with Ashley or even talked to her, neither has Meg."

"That's it? I thought you and Ashley were hot and heavy, this is nothing."

She smiles while turning into the mall parking lot, "I guess we weren't hot and heavy to your standards but to Meg we were committing a sin."

I roll my eyes, "Psh, I know all about committing sins and that sure as heck was not one."

She laughs as she pulls in front of the east mall entrance, the one closest to Pac Sun, "Well, we're here." she says as she puts the car in park, "Did you bring a purse or something?"

I look down at my lap then look up at her with a smile, "Yeah, I brought my pockets." I say then smack my front pockets lightly.

She giggles, "Oh, yeah? I didn't notice." I open the door, "But hey, thanks for listening to me talk about--"

I interrupt her, "Shh, don't worry about it. I mean, you listened to me talk about all my crap, it's only fair, you know?"

Erika nods, "I guess." she says sweetly, "Now, get outta my car, loser. I have to go."

I laugh and suck air in through my teeth then get out of the car, "Fine, jerk." I close the door as she rolls down the passenger side windows.

"Do I need to pick you up?" she asks smiling that evil/cute smile that she's got.

I nod, "Most likely, I'll call you if anything changes. Sound good?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," I say smacking her car door, "See ya."

She winks at me before she speeds out of here. That girl's crazy. Life's crazy. I shake my head then turn to walk into the mall.

After working for 4 hours I take a fifteen minute break. I walk to the food court and get in line for Panda Express. The line's fairly long, as it always is because everyone loves a good plate of sweet & sour chicken.

I look around to see if there are any hotties in the vicinity—and oh there just so happens to be one. Well, she looks good from the back and looks like she has had quite a few drinks, she's a stumbler. I wonder what her face looks like—oh my god. The stumbler is Ashley.

I start walking over to Ashley meaning I just lost my place in line. Before she completely falls on her ass I catch her by her arm, "Well, hello drunky, are you the new attraction for the mall?"

She snatches her arm away from me, "Get off," she looks directly at me, "Oh, well if it isn't Ms. Ohio."

I get a long whiff of her breathe when she draws out 'Ohio', "Oh my god, how much did you exactly drink?"

She rolls her eyes, "Not enough if I only see six of you. I'm usually at twelve by now." she smirks.

**::::AN::::**

**A drunk Ashley…**

**Who goes to the mall when they're drunk? Lol. Sorry, I wasn't thinking when I wrote this if any of this sounds stupid… sorry, but it kinda works, right? So you think Roxy's gonna take advantage of poor, defenseless Ashley? Or do you think drunk crazy Ashley's gonna take advantage of Roxy? Lol what a story that would be eh?**

**xoxo**


	26. and then

I sigh, "Why do I feel like your heroine?"

"What?" she says stumbling over her own feet.

I grab her by the arm for a second time, "C'mon, I'm taking you home."

"I knew you always wanted me." she says slurring her words, it's definitely time for her to go home.

"Yeah, look," I guide her body into a chair, "Sit here until I get back, okay?"

She falls back, "Where are you..." she trails off.

I clap my hands together and just stare at her, "Alright then." I walk back to Pac Sun and up to the cash register, the one Erin's working on, "I have to take off early."

"Oh yeah, why?" she asks.

"My... friend needs my help." I say hesitantly because, well, duh, Ashley's not my friend.

"And what kind of help is that?"

"She's—you're being fairly nosey, what do you care?" I ask, "I'm guessing it's because you want me, right?" I say turning it around on her.

She sucks her teeth as she rolls her eyes, "Totally."

"But seriously, I have to go, I think she might have alcohol poisoning." I make sad puppy eyes.

She looks at me without saying a word, "Okay fine. Go save her, super girl."

I blow a kiss at her before running out the store back to Ashley. When I get back Ashley's passed out with her head lying on the table. "Ashley?" I say, "Ashley?" I say again only this time I shake her lightly; she doesn't budge.

I pull her up on her legs and toss one of her arms over my shoulder which is a hassle, "You could help me a little bit couldn't you?"

"I could but I won't." she says in mumbles but I understand her, I used to speak the language of the drunk fluently.

I roll my eyes and drag her outside, "I need your keys, where are they?"

"In my back pocket." she says.

"Okay." I say before reaching into her right back pocket.

After getting the keys out of her ass pocket I press a button on her key chain so I can find the car. I sure as hell wasn't gonna ask her, it's like talking to... a drunk wall. Okay, not a good analogy but it'd be pointless.

Shortly after finding her car and getting her settled in the passenger's side seat, I'm finally driving her back home. She's sleeping like a baby. I'll take this chance to call Erika and tell her what's up. I call and she doesn't answer; I get her voice mail. "So I'm guessing your doing your college thing and getting drunk. Well, guess who's also getting drunk? Ashley Davies. And guess who's taking care of her?" I pause to make it more dramatic, "Yeah, she shows up at the mall drunk off her ass. I'm driving her home right now. I don't think I'm gonna need you to pick me up because I'm gonna look out for her. Call me later." I flip my phone closed then maneuver it back into my pocket.

Ten minutes pass and we finally make it to Ashley's mansion, and that is definitely no understatement. I look over at her and there's no way she's gonna help me move her carcass. I guess I'm on my own.

After trucking her limp body up the stairs I toss her, lightly, on her bed. "You're so rough." she says scooting to the top of the bed.

I sit next to her on the bed and sigh from exhaustion, "And now you wake up."

"You know, when you first came here..." she starts to speak in muffles so I turn around to see if she's suffocating herself. She's pulling her shirt over her head and I missed half of what she said, "...hot. I mean, you have a nice body and I think your gorgeous but when--" she finally pulls the shirt off, "Ugh. But when I found out that you knew Spencer I got kinda scared, you know?"

"Scared, why?" I say. I don't even know why I'm talking to her when she's super drunk, but studies show that drunk people tell the truth.

She falls flat on her back but still continues to talk, "Spence told me that back in Ohio she had a thing for you and I just thought it would come back, you know?" She sighs, "And that's why I was such a ass to you. I want Spencer all to myself."

"Yeah?" I say pulling off her high heels, yeah, I'm nice.

"Definitely..." she trails off.

After pulling off her heels I look over my shoulder, at her. What a peaceful drunk she is. I stand up, walk to the right side of the bed, where she's laying, and I take the hair clip out of her hair and then turn around to place it on her nightstand. By the time I turn back around, her pants are already down pass her knees, "Wh—what are you doing?" well, obviously I know what she's doing but...

She continues to slide out of her pants, I guess I have that affect... weird time to joke about it though, "I'm taking off your—my pants and I thought I was the drunk one." she giggles, "And I almost said taking off your pants." and she, yet again, giggles like a little school girl.

I smile as she kicks her jeans onto the floor, "That's funny, Ashley."

"Mhmm." she snuggles up in her blankets and I must say, they look hella comfortable.

I walk to the foot of her bed and stand stupidly looking around her room. I've never really _seen_ her room. It's amazingly huge and it's so... awesome. But one thing in particular catches my eye: her Purple Venom memorial or collection. It must've been horrible for Ashley to lose her dad. But wait, what about Kyla? I mean, were they even close, like, that close? Was he, like, I don't know, two-timing the families? Kyla's so strong, I mean, everyone sees her ass the bastard child, yes, she got a lot of attention for it but who really wants to be known for something like that. Just for that and nothing else.

When I look away from the memorial type thing I see Ashley sitting up staring at me, "What?" I think she said something and I didn't hear her.

"I don't bite, you can sleep on the bed with me." she says.

* * *

**::::A/N:::**

**Apparently Ashley doest bite lol**

**xoxo**


	27. shutup

I nod, "Okay, I didn't really wanna go all the way downstairs anyways." I say walking around to the left side of the bed and pulling the blankets back so I can just slide in.

"Or you could go snuggle with Kyla." Ashley says lying down, getting comfortable in her blankets again and she's smiling.

"What?" I say placing my cell phone next to the lamp then turning it off. I take off my shoes then getting in the bed with Ashley. I turn on my side to look at Ashley, "What are you talking about, drunky?"

I can see she's rolling her eyes even in the dark, "You like my sister, I'm drunk not stupid." I scoff, "And the way she talks about you—don't even get me started, I don't understand why you guys just don't get together."

I think for a moment, rather or not to tell Ashley that I'm in love with her sister, "You're out of your mind. Go to sleep." I'm not telling her anything... yet.

"Whatever. I hear the truth will set you free... but that's only what I heard, I don't really trust that one."

I smile as I close my eyes, "Yeah, Ashley?"

"Mhmm." she says. Five minutes pass and I'm halfway to la la land but Ashley interrupts, and I here I thought she was sleep, "I know you're a good person."

Now I'm sure it's the alcohol **and** sleepiness talking, "Right." I scoff again.

"I'm serious. You're a great friend, like, that day Spencer and Carmen kissed. You didn't tell me because it woulda hurt me and you were trying to protect Spencer, totally understandable. But doesn't it get annoying thinking about everyone else? Don't you just wanna do something for you? I mean, I'm glad I'm selfish, that's all I'm gonna say..." I think she finally shut down.

Drunky's right, though, it is hard pleasing everyone. I do wanna just go for it, sometimes and I guess the best example is Kyla. I wanna tell her how I think I feel but I have her reaction, her feelings to think about and... Lily's not completely forgotten. Damn it, why can't I just do something for myself every once in a while...

Oh God it's so fucking hot in here, I understand why Ashley sleeps somewhat naked. Forget this mess, I'm taking off my shirt. I take it off and toss it somewhere in the direction of the door, you know, just in case I need to make a quick escape...

"Fuck, who turned on the sun?" I hear Ashley's voice coming from behind me. I guess somewhere between when I lied down and now, I tossed and turned because I'm facing away from Ashley.

I open my eyes, blink a few times before actually sitting up and looking over at Ashley, who, I gotta say looks horrible but horrible hot, "What time is it?" We have school today... damn it.

She rubs her eyes like a baby, "I don't know," she looks over at me through squinted eyes, "What—what are you doing here?" she asks staring at me.

"We didn't do anything before you get your hopes up." She sucks her teeth, "I looked after you last night because you were drunk like... no other."

"How--" she brings a hand up to her forehead, "Oh, god, I believe you. I have a migraine out of this world."

"Why would I lie?" I say waiting for a response.

"I don't know, I guess you wouldn't, but then again I don't really know you."

I roll my eyes, "Well, I'm not lying considering I took off work early to drive you home from the mall, you can ask my manager if you want."

She moans and groans, "You took off work to take me home?"

I nod as I place my feet on the floor, "Yep." I stand up, "I only had an hour left anyways."

"So you drove my drunk ass home and you watched me for the rest of the night?"

I look around Ashley's room, where's my cell phone, "Mhmm."

"Well, uh, thanks, you know." She's nervous, nervous Ashley's cute. Sorry for--"

I cut of her off as I grab my phone from by the lamp, "It's fine, don't worry about it."

By the time I turn around she's standing right in my face... in her underwear, "Look, if you ever need anything just ask."

"Ashley. The only thing I want from you is to at least _try_ to be friends with me. Instead of always thinking I'm against you. We're too much alike to hate each other." I smile.

She nods, "I guess I can try that. And plus I'd rather have another sexually experienced girl to talk to." she smiles.

I laugh, "Same here." I contemplate on whether I should hug her or not, I mean we kinda just had a moment. Uh, she's in her--

"No hug, I'm in my underwear. It'd be kinda weird." she says reading my mind.

I raise my palms up, "Agreed."

We just stand there and smile at each other for the next minute before someone comes barging into Ashley's room. I guess no one does knock anymore.

"Hey, Ash, I wanted to talk--" it's Spencer, of course. I bet this looks like me and Ash are best friends.

I look over to Spencer, "Hey, Spence." is all I could manage to say. I feel like if I say anything else I would seem guilty. Ashley walks away from me and over to her closet, no one still says anything so I guess I have to clear the air, "Not what it looks like." I say trying to seem casual about everything.

"It looks like you're not wearing a shirt and looks like Ashley's in her underwear. I think it's what it looked like." Spencer says sure of what she's saying.

I nod, "Okay, yeah, that all is true," I look down by Spencer's feet and see my shirt that I threw off last night, "Could you pass me my shirt?" I point at it then drop my arm.

Spencer looks down, picks up the shirt then tosses it at me, jesus, Spencer has to be, like, the bionic woman or something. "So how did this happen or better yet, what happened?" she says while I'm sliding the shirt on over my head.

"Well, first of all we didn't--" I begin but Ashley cuts me off.

She only put on an army fatigue skirt which looks good on her, but no shirt, "You don't have to explain anything to her." She says facing me then looks at Spencer, "Why do you care? Shouldn't you be off somewhere with Carmen?"

I'm sure everyone in this room knows why Spencer cares so much; Spencer squints her eyes at Ashley, "As long as we're speaking of what each other should do, shouldn't you be in school?"

Ashley smiles, "So should you. What reason could you have for coming here?" I think I get what Ashley's doing, I think she's trying to get Spencer to confess that she still has feelings for her. And I think I really need to go.

"I think I'm gonna go, so you two can talk." I say looking at my phone, it's 11:10, then I start walking toward the door after sliding my cell in my front pocket.

"Love them and leave them, Roxy?" Spencer asks as I get within her reach. I look down at her hands, she's making a fist. It probably wouldn't take much to get her to hit me.

I narrow my eyes at her then remember what she thinks went on last night so I sigh, "Look, Spencer, nothing--"

Ashley walks up to Spencer and I with a shirt finally on, "You don't have to give Spencer all the details."

I grumble, "Look--" I say fairly quiet.

"Oh please spare me." Spencer says.

"Is Carmen not enough for you, Spencer?" Ashley smirks.

"Is Roxy enough for you?" Spencer fires back. Feeling a wee bit weird now.

Ashley chuckles, "Why do you even care? I'm still stuck on that. You chose Carmen over me in the first place. What's it to you what I do with my life... when you're barely even in it anymore?"

Spencer rolls her eyes, "So if I didn't care you'd still be sleeping with--"

I cut her off; I have to end this, "Look, Spencer, me and Ashley didn't sleep together. And I can't believe you, as our friend, would think something different." I sigh, "Ashley was... drunk so I took her home and you, as her ex, knows that she likes to sleep half naked. And I see why, that's why my shirt was off."

"So you didn't sleep together?" Spencer asks just to make sure.

"No, we didn't., I just think that Ashley likes the fact that you're jealous." I say turning my head toward Ashley who smirks.

"Oh." is all Spencer can utter.

I sigh, "Y'all need to work this... crazy-I-love-you-I-hate-you-not-relationship relationship out." I walk past Spencer then stop in the doorway, "I shouldn't be telling anyone about love but... you're in love with each other." I leave it at that then walk out of the room. Neither one of them said a word as I was leaving so I can only assume that they sucked face right then and there... or not.

My phone vibrates as I walk to the top of the stairs. I take it out of my pocket, flip it open and hold it to my head, "Hello?"


	28. Tell me the truth

"Where the hell have you been?" I hear a voice shout at me. I think I hear an echo.

"Hiding from your voice."

"ha-ha, very funny. You skipped half of school yesterday AND you didn't come to school today." I know for sure I hear an echo. I look behind me, into Kyla's room and I see her reflection in the mirror. She's not looking in the mirror so she can't see me but I can see her. She's saying something but I'm not listening to her. She's so beautiful and I so have feelings for her... damn it. I walk into her room and stand in her doorway then hang up the phone. She looks at her phone, "She hung up on me. How could she do that?"

"Easy, it's all in the wrist." I say popping my wrist and smiling at her.

She walks up to me then wraps her arms around me, "Where have you been?"

Ooh, she smells like cotton candy. I wrap my arms around her then let go, "What were you so worried about? I'm fine."

She let's go of me but still stands extremely close to me, "Well, you went off with that girl and you skipped school then when I called you last night you didn't answer and then you weren't school this morning. I think as your best friend, I have a right to be worried." Kyla says matter of factly.

I smile because I think it's kinda cute, "Erika wasn't gonna rape me or anything, she's cool."

"Well, I don't know her," Kyla walks over to her bed to pick up her book bag, "For all I know she could be some axe murderer."

I laugh, "She's too hot to be an axe murderer, Ky."

She rolls her eyes, "And those are always the ones that get you." When she says "get you" she slides her hand across her throat.

And I just burst with laughter, I don't know why that was so funny. Maybe because she was so serious, "Yeah, Ky, Erika's gonna kill me in my sleep."

She slings her backpack over her shoulders, "So y'all already slept together? Was that what you were doing last night?" she asks with all seriousness. The way she's staring me down makes me feel like she's my girlfriend... or a cop.

"Hmm, maybe." I say smirking a little bit.

"You've only known her for two days, and you already hopped all over that? She could have AIDS, or syphilis or—"

I cut her off because I'm getting a bit grossed out, "Stop, stop stop." I cuff my hand over her mouth, "Shut up, I didn't do anything with her. And even if I ever wanted to you totally scared the hell outta me."

She's saying something but considering that my hand's still over her mouth, I can't comprehend. I move my hand away from her face, "So you didn't sleep with her or do anything with her?"

Damn, is everyone hard of hearing today, "No, I didn't sleep with her," but I did make out with her, "And...I didn't sleep with her. Isn't that good enough?"

She grabs my arms as I turn away from her so I guess I have to look at her, "Well, what else did you do with her?"

"I..." I start.

Her eyes grow bigger, I'm gonna milk this until the end, "You what?"

I lean into her ear and whisper, "I breathed air with her." I lean back then gasp, "Despicable, right?"

She sucks air in through her teeth as she narrows her eyes at me and all I can do is laugh, "That was so not funny." she punches me lightly on the arm.

"Oh but it was." I say still smiling.

"Seriously, what did you guys do?" she asks putting all her weight on her right foot. She looks like an angry cheerleader, ooh scary.

"We made out."

"Oh yeah? How was it? Did it start you up?" she says walking away from me into her bathroom, she's pissed.

I follow her into the bathroom, "It wasn't bad but there was no spark," I lean against the doorway, "So no, she didn't start me up, god, I wish there was a spark, she's so hot."

And she went in the bathroom for no reason because she walks out, right past me and I follow her, "Thought she was the love of your life?"

"No, you are." Did I say that out loud?

"What?" she stops then turns around and I bump into her.

I said that out loud, am I completely psycho or what, "I said you're beautiful," I start pushing her toward her room door, "Now are we gonna go to school or what?" I saved myself.

Her left eyebrow shoots up, "Uh, yeah... weirdo." she continues walking to her room doorway then stops and turns no her heel and I almost run into her again.

"What?" I say, I don't think I did anything wrong... yet.


	29. Creeper

She gets a confused look on her face, "Why are you even here?" she gasps and brings her hand up to her mouth then moves it, "Did you spend the night here with Ashley? Did you sleep with her?" Her eyes look like saucers.

"Yeah, I spent the night and yeah I slept with Ashley..." her eyes grow even bigger, "but we didn't do anything." I laugh, "God, do you think I'm a slut?"

"Not a slut... just slutty." she says it so cutely so I can't really be mad at her. God, why do I think she's the cutest thing in the world all of a sudden.

"Oh, nice zinger." I smile, "You get your personality from me, you know that, right?"

She rolls her eyes, "You wish."

"Hey, how'd you even get here when Ashley has the car?" I ask.

She pushes me jokingly, "That's another reason why I called you last night."

I smile and nod, "You needed a ride? Okay, so you used a taxi yesterday and this morning. Okay, I get it--"

She grabs both of my forearms and just latches on, "No, no, no. I bought a car!" she jumps up and down.

I gasp, over dramatically, of course, "No way. I wanna see it!"

She stops jumping up and down and pouts, "Are you being sarcastic?"

I smile, "Yeah, but I do wanna see it."

She let's go of my forearms then crosses her arms over her chest, boobs look bigger today, "No, now I'm not gonna show it to you."

"Aww,"I smile and slowly pull her arms away from her chest and wrap them around me then I wrap my arms around her and hug her, rocking us side to side, "Please and if it helps your boobs look big today." I say in her ear.

I feel her laughing through her chest, "Thanks, new bra. That IPEX bra from Victoria's Secret."

"Well, it's doing you justice." I say stupidly sounding like a cheese ball... like Derrick, ugh.

She pulls a little bit away from me and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, "You're being nice."

I unwrap her, "Well, I won't be."

"No, no, no," she wraps my arms around her, "I was just saying, I like nice Roxy." she says.

I let her hug me for a minute without saying a thing, "Okay, so let's see this car."

She takes her arms back, good thing because I was starting to get pretty attached to being in her arms, "Okay, it's in the garage."

"Are you ready to go back to school?" I ask.

She picks her book bag up and tosses it over her little shoulders, "Now am I. Oh, and I gotta get Spencer, where is she?"

Probably banging Ashley, "Uh, I think she's talking to Ashley. They're making up." or making out, ha, I'm funny.

"They're in a fight?" Kyla asks. Duh, as long as Spencer's with Carmen they'll always in a fight.

"Uh, yeah, but I'm sure they're good. Let's leave them here and go." Now that Ashley and me are cool, Spencer and her need to be cool. I mean, it'd be kinda odd for me and Ashley to be friends while Spencer and Ashley are on the rocks.

"I don't know. What if—"

I cut her off by pulling her toward the door behind me, "Who cares? And you can't always think about the IF's. Forget them, they'll be fine." I'm more than positive.

Kyla has no choice but to follow behind me because I have, like, super muscles. Grr, I'm the incredible hulk. I drag Kyla down the stairs and out the garage door exit slash entrance. And oh my god, Kyla actually picked out a sweet car. It's like a roadster or something, I don't care, it's a tiny silver package of amazement... just like the owner. Okay, I gotta cut that out.

"Ky.La." I say her name like it's two words, "This car is beautiful. Who helped you pick it out?" I begin to walk around the car, starting from the passengers side..

She stands in front of it, "I picked it out. I've always wanted one."

I stand in front of the driver's side door, "No way."

She nods, "Yeah, it's been my little secret."

I open the door, "You gotta let me drive."

Kyla gasps, "Let you drive my brand new car?" she asks.

I nod, "Hell, yeah."

Kyla smiles and tosses me the keys, score, "I'm only letting you drive because—"

"You love me. Let's leave it at that." I get in the car and start the engine then I honk, "Get your ass in the car or I'm leaving you in the dust."

She gets in the car and shuts the door behind her. She quickly puts on her seatbelt, I guess I better put on mine, I mean she's looking at me like I should. "

We arrive at school, I love this car. "Amazing." I say slamming the car door closed.

Kyla stares me in the eyes, she looks startled, "I can't believe I let you drive." she takes the keys away from me. "You almost ran over that old lady."

She's exaggerating, "Whatever, she wasn't old. She was a hot cougar. Did you see that guy she was with? He was like a baby, I mean--"

"That was probably her grandkid or—shut up, you're getting me off topic. Either way, you're never driving my car again." Kyla says walking away from me.

I catch up with her, "Aw, are you pissed?" I ask.

"Not really, just a little bit scared for my life, that's all."

I grab her hand and we stop, "Sorry. Here, this'll calm you down."

She looks at me, "Don't kiss me."

I laugh, that woulda been a perfect time, too, but no, and even if I was my plan's foiled now. "Whatever, I wasn't even going to." I let go of her hand.


	30. Start Over

**I've been gone for a while, right?**

**Well, now I'm back. No more school until January.**

**Consider me happy =}**

I walk away from her as quick as possible as she calls my name in the background of my mind.

"Roxy! Hey!" she yells across the quad.

I keep on walking. I almost kissed Kyla. I have to be crazy, she's straight. I never wanted to fall for a straight girl, damnit.

As I walk and contemplate my recent insanity I run into someone because I'm looking down. After I fall on my ass I shake off the daze that I'm in and I start to help pick up the books the person dropped, "Look, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

The person touches my hand, "It's alright, Roxy, chill. What's the matter with you?"

I look up and it's Spencer so I relax and sit back down on my ass. I sigh and look into her eyes, "I just had the biggest urge to kiss Kyla."

Spencer's mouth drops, "Whoa. Ashley's sister?" she asks dumbly.

I tilt my head to the side, "Duh. That's why it's a problem. She's straight."

Spencer doesn't know how to react, "Um, wow. How long have you felt like this?"

I grab Spencer's books and stand up, "The feelings have been building for a while I guess, I just didn't wanna recognize it."

"Do you want to go somewhere and talk about it? Because we can do that." Spencer says sounding concerned.

I forget for a while that Spencer and I weren't talking. Right? That was what I remembered. But I could be confused. But I take her up on her offer, "Yeah, I'd like that."

Spencer smiles, "We could go to Ms. Vargas' class. She won't mind. She loves you to death, remember?"

Since I'm not that smart I have to find something to make up for it so I'm somewhat creative. In the beginning of the year I spent most of my time in the art room. "Okay. Let's do that."

Vargas gives me an easel and some fresh paper to paint on because she wants something nice for the classroom. I didnt know what to draw or paint but as Spencer and I started to talk I just started painting my emotions onto the blank paper. "I'm so conflicted. I'm upset about Lily but I'm so close to Kyla. I don't want it all, I don't. I used to be that girl but I don't wanna be here anymore." I sigh, "I do love Lily but I've had so much time to think about her cheating on me. It was just a kiss but... it hurts all the same you know?"

Spencer sighs as she works on her humongous 'A', "Yeah, I know how it is being hung up on someone."

I look down to her paper, "How's that going by the way?"

Spencer drops the pencil on the desk and looks up at me, "I don't know if it's going."

"With Carmen?" I ask confused.

Spencer sighs and hesitates, "Yeah. When I'm with Carmen I think of Ashley. I can't do anything without thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her. I just... I want her to be civil with me and Carmen together."

I wiggle my nose because it itches, "Ashley knows. She knows that you want to be with her. In her drunken stupor last night, we talked. She's so in love with you it's ridiculous. I mean, if she can get along with me and I'm her own worst enemy then there's no reason why you guys should get together. I shouldn't be telling you about love but there are strong feelings between the two of you. It isn't exactly fair to Carmen to be feigning for Ashley when you're with her."

"I know, I know," Spencer furrows her brow, "But she's so nice to me...sometimes."

I look at Spencer and away from the easel, "What do you mean sometimes?"

Spencer shrugs, "It's nothing really. I mean its understandable. When I talk about Ashley she gets fired up and I guess I talk about her a lot. Um, one time she punched a hole in the wall at her house. I told her parents that we were wrestling and it got outta control." Spencer half smiles.

"She's been violent with you?" I ask getting a little bit angry, "Here I was thinking she was a sweet, good girl for you."

"No, no she is sweet. She is good to me. She just can't control her anger sometimes, I mean she's never hit me before but I don't think she would. I really don't," Spencer smiles, "She cares about me, she wouldn't ever hurt me."

"As long as you're sure about that..."

Spencer nods, "I am."

"Alright." I pause, "I'm glad we're talking. I missed talking to you a bit. Just a little bit."

"Yeah," Spencer smiles, "It's nice to get different perspectives and we are definitely opposites."

I laugh and so does Spencer.

"What are you painting?" Spencer says standing up and looking at my artwork.

"I don't really know, I just keep going with whatever I started off with. And I don't even know what that was." I smile.

"Wow, it's amazing. Looks like a heart with a whole bunch of chaos spilling out of it. Then towards the right side of it looks happy again." Spencer turns to look at me, "Looks like an Ohio natives life."

I smile, "Yeah, looks like." We stare at it for a minute or two before I speak, "What do you think I should do?"

"Whatever makes you happy." Spencer says, "That's one thing you can always count on. Your happiness is super important now."

I sigh, "I think I should go visit Lily."

Spencer turns to look at me swiftly as soon as I said that, "I think it's a good idea."

I look at Spencer and she's smiling, "Thanks, I think if I can do that then when I come back I should know what I want for sure. I just wanna get all these questions out of my head, you know?"

Spencer nods, "I know." She looks back to the painting.

"Hey, Spence?" I say to her.

She continues to stare at the painting, "I love you. You'll figure it out. I'll help you. I promise."

She turns to me and she starts to tear up, "I love you, too." she smiles and hugs me.

I return the embrace.

Someone's voice speaks, "What the hell, Spence?"

**Wonder whom that could be?**

**Odd.**

**Well, until the next chapter... =)**


End file.
